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    Can someone please read over this and improve it if possible. Also please rate it, and tell me if it isn't your type of story! Happy reading!

    One glimpse and my heart is revived. Carefully my eyes devour my surroundings. Struggling to the window, my body pulverised, I see the black enclose me. However I sense the glints of hope nonetheless flood me. I’m in a huge room, a somewhat radiant white, but in my eyes everything is dull. I glare at my phone, remorse floods my system, 4th March 2052. Frozen in time, every second. Millions of times. Longer.
    The water numbs my hands and rejuvenates my face. Images distort my mind, I attempt to neglect them. It doesn’t work. Whilst pondering over my assignment it permeates my mind, the corpse of her absent soul cast on the carpet. Her youthful eyes were petrified and her long dark hair lost its colour, all in that one moment, and another hundred people were aberrantly executed. Anguish makes me recall how I let them coerce me into this. Nearby I see the calendar with the dates. How long has it been?
    Hunger. I scavenge for food, like a feral beast exploring my way around. Bread. Stale and coarse like sandpaper, yet I savour every bite. I chew slowly, foolishly praying it will fill my stomach if I do so. I dissipate a lukewarm cup of green tea. With no idea as to what to do next, I force myself back into bed. No drama, no screams and fortunately no deaths. Why do I feel like I have come to a better place?
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    (Original post by Boss_Rhythm)
    Can someone please read over this and improve it if possible. Also please rate it, and tell me if it isn't your type of story! Happy reading!

    One glimpse and my heart is revived. Carefully my eyes devour my surroundings. Struggling to the window, my body pulverised, I see the black enclose me. However I sense the glints of hope nonetheless flood me. I’m in a huge room, a somewhat radiant white, but in my eyes everything is dull. I glare at my phone, remorse floods my system, 4th March 2052. Frozen in time, every second. Millions of times. Longer.
    The water numbs my hands and rejuvenates my face. Images distort my mind, I attempt to neglect them. It doesn’t work. Whilst pondering over my assignment it permeates my mind, the corpse of her absent soul cast on the carpet. Her youthful eyes were petrified and her long dark hair lost its colour, all in that one moment, and another hundred people were aberrantly executed. Anguish makes me recall how I let them coerce me into this. Nearby I see the calendar with the dates. How long has it been?
    Hunger. I scavenge for food, like a feral beast exploring my way around. Bread. Stale and coarse like sandpaper, yet I savour every bite. I chew slowly, foolishly praying it will fill my stomach if I do so. I dissipate a lukewarm cup of green tea. With no idea as to what to do next, I force myself back into bed. No drama, no screams and fortunately no deaths. Why do I feel like I have come to a better place?
    It sounds a bit like you've written the story, and then looked up every single word in a thesaurus - it makes it a little unnatural and forced to read
    Try to make your language techniques a bit more subtle and integrated into the rest of the text, and don't make them too forced, too often
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    Lol! Ok thanks
    BTW I only thesaurused 3 words: Dissipate, Aberrantly and Permeate
 
 
 
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