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    This is a long post so I'm reallly sorry but if you can be bothered to read all of it and give me some advice I would really appreciate it. I feel so down at the moment.

    So I moved to a london uni, won't say which one, from quite a distance away (Im from the east midlands) in Sept. Its now feb and although i've made a few friends, I haven't made any close friends yet and I feel very lonely

    The thing is, the uni is quite a good uni and I am also studying medicine, which naturally attracts the academic kids. I took a gap year, and although thrilled when I got my offer after sooo long, started doubting whether I would fit in and would enjoy it.I assumed most the other students would be from very academic wealthy backgrounds, which I am not, I wouldn't be able to connect with them. Not just on my course, but generally across the uni. of course I haven't talked to every single student, but the majority I have, I hate to say, seem to be exactly that. I'm not from the ghetto by any means but I am not from a wealthy background and my close mates at home are not overly studious etc. I'm just finding it very difficult to connect with anyone on my course other than on a superficial level.

    Unlike some people, I was going to uni alone, none of my close mates or even people I knew were going to a london uni.

    When travelling to uni on the first day, I could already feel the lonlineless kick in and for the first hour or so I HATED IT. Luckily (or unluckily, as you'll find out later) I met some guy and a girl (his best mate) outside my accomodation who I forced myself to talk to, because at the end of the day I had to try and meet people somehow.

    I got along with them, went out with them that night with some others and became close friends with them and their group. I actually end up dating this girl for about 5 weeks.

    Unfortuantely, it didnt work out with her, and naturally I was kind of "excluded" from the group as it was her friends, not mine, who made up majority of this new group of friends I made.

    It didn't end aggressively or angrily between us, in fact it was quite nice and affectionate, although I was very sad about it. She insisted we stay friends and I still go out with her and her friends and stay apart of the group., which at the time was pretty much the only people I knew in London or at uni.

    I already booked a ticket for one night out before the break up which were all going to. This night out was a few weeks after the break up.

    The weeks leading up to the event I tried to stay in contact with her, but closer to the event she seeemed to become colder and more detached - eventually completely ignoring my messages. On the actual night, all her friends ignored me when I asked about plans for the night. She said she wasn't going to go buecause she didnt' feel up to it. Luckily, one of the few people on my course that I made somewhat of a decent friendship with were going to, so I went with them, although a bit hurt, confused and angry at the situation.

    Here's where the **** really hits the fan.

    After an hour or so, I find this other group of friends, who ignored me, there too, which I expected but also I see my ex girl there too. I felt kinda hurt she lied to me, and that everyone ignored me and excluded me from the group. I knew that although she said stay friends with her and them, it would be a bit weird and that night proved it. They all "kicked me out" the group so she could go with them instead. (it hurts even writing about this, even though it happened a few months ago now) but after all they are her friends first, not mine.

    Then I see her with a guy, a guy who was also apart of that group, who she was dancing with, holding hands etc. It killed me inside. It ****ing killed me. I was so so so MAD. I never felt so angry mad betrayed hurt in my life. The fact I drank too didn't help. To make matters worse, this guy, who I met maybe twice, was taunting me for no reason. Smirking at me, trying to be "seen" with her in front of me etc. I was SO MAD. I'm quite a built guy, very strong and he isnt. If i wanted to, I could have wiped the floor with him. Completely ****ed him up. Everyone fibre of me wanted to and know i could have. but i couldnt risk losing a place on my medical course for it, as if it was reported to the uni I would be for sure kicked off the course.

    The day after she called me and talked to me about it. I found out she literally went out with him a day after ending it with me. of course, it made it hurt more.

    I said i didnt want to speak to her anymore and to delete my number

    i see her and some of the friends around and recently she's been trying to contact me and asked me to go out with them on a night out (the guy apparently lives quite far away and rarely goes out with them etc)

    I really wanted to, because I still feel lonely, but I just hate her now. I can't stand her or look at her or smile at her in person. Although i miss her. I feel pathetic. I know she doesnt hate me but then again she has no reason to. she also knows how I felt about uni and feeling lonely etc. But by going out with them I would feel a bit pathetic, and a bit out of place. Also, she always looked so good on nights out and I we were always so "couple like" on nights out if you know what I mean. so it would be weird and I feel like it would bring the good memories rushing back, which would hurt a lot.

    but bascially, because of this whole thing, i feel sad, angry, lonely and don't feel like I can really trust new people because how i was just ejected from the group like that. I have given up trying to meet new people and new friends because I don't want to feel rejected again. I feel pathetic.

    I dont know if should meet her again and her friends and try to heal some wounds or if it would just make everything worse. but they are the only people who are sort of familiar and im craving some friends and not unfamiliar people who i have to make an effort with to make friends with at the moment. but another part of me says she hurt me so much i should let them all go completely and move on and meet new people, even if i have to stay lonely for however long until then.

    I just feel so sad, hurt, angry, lethargic anti social at the moment, which makes it hard to make new friends

    any advice, if u read this far??

    thank you so much
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    Awww, that really does suck!

    I would suggest you still go out there are try to meet new people, you have to remember that not everybody is the same and there would be many more people out there who would happily accept you into their group -(although this time, maybe leave it a good few months before seeing someone specifically in that group, I think that's why the first group is so awkward towards you?)

    It's entirely up to you if you still want to hang out with this girl though, maybe try going out with them once and if things still feel bad/awkward break it off?
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    You're wasting precious time and energy on supposedly hating her. She's not worth it. She didn't want to date you anymore, decided to immediately get with someone else and ultimately that's her choice - her loss. It's understandable that you'd feel angry and upset, especially since you've been excluded out of the group, but really try to ground your thoughts and feelings here. If they were your friends they wouldn't have done that. Whether you were dating that girl or not, they shouldn't outright ignore you like that and let you know that they don't want to talk to you.

    So then why should you run after them? You can be civil, be nice towards them, but look for better people. There will be much better people at your University who are interested in you and what you want to get out of life.

    However, I'd personally first off propose you take a good hard look at yourself and figure out what you want while you're at University. The best way to meet people is to take up hobbies, do what interests you and it'll take your mind off dwelling over feeling lonely and people will (eventually) come into your life. You don't have to fall out with any of them, but if they are getting kick's out of you being mad and then ignoring you then perhaps it wouldn't hurt if you just treat them like friendly neighbors but completely detach yourself from the situation as much as you can. Ensure you're taking the steps to look after you and not get so wrapped up in others. The right people will eventually come along, but take time to acknowledge yourself too.
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    Don't put yourself down just because the people there have a wealthy background. Your there because you deserve to be. You were selected for your intelligence. Just focus on your studies. I know it'll be hard at first but you need to excel there. Making friends yes you also need them. But you need good people for that. Be more friendly towards other people. DO NOT attach yourself to the people you had been currently hanging out with. You'll find friends don't worry. In the meantime study well. Get a hobby. And be happy. Good luck mate


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is a long post so I'm reallly sorry but if you can be bothered to read all of it and give me some advice I would really appreciate it. I feel so down at the moment.

    So I moved to a london uni, won't say which one, from quite a distance away (Im from the east midlands) in Sept. Its now feb and although i've made a few friends, I haven't made any close friends yet and I feel very lonely

    The thing is, the uni is quite a good uni and I am also studying medicine, which naturally attracts the academic kids. I took a gap year, and although thrilled when I got my offer after sooo long, started doubting whether I would fit in and would enjoy it.I assumed most the other students would be from very academic wealthy backgrounds, which I am not, I wouldn't be able to connect with them. Not just on my course, but generally across the uni. of course I haven't talked to every single student, but the majority I have, I hate to say, seem to be exactly that. I'm not from the ghetto by any means but I am not from a wealthy background and my close mates at home are not overly studious etc. I'm just finding it very difficult to connect with anyone on my course other than on a superficial level.

    Unlike some people, I was going to uni alone, none of my close mates or even people I knew were going to a london uni.

    When travelling to uni on the first day, I could already feel the lonlineless kick in and for the first hour or so I HATED IT. Luckily (or unluckily, as you'll find out later) I met some guy and a girl (his best mate) outside my accomodation who I forced myself to talk to, because at the end of the day I had to try and meet people somehow.

    I got along with them, went out with them that night with some others and became close friends with them and their group. I actually end up dating this girl for about 5 weeks.

    Unfortuantely, it didnt work out with her, and naturally I was kind of "excluded" from the group as it was her friends, not mine, who made up majority of this new group of friends I made.

    It didn't end aggressively or angrily between us, in fact it was quite nice and affectionate, although I was very sad about it. She insisted we stay friends and I still go out with her and her friends and stay apart of the group., which at the time was pretty much the only people I knew in London or at uni.

    I already booked a ticket for one night out before the break up which were all going to. This night out was a few weeks after the break up.

    The weeks leading up to the event I tried to stay in contact with her, but closer to the event she seeemed to become colder and more detached - eventually completely ignoring my messages. On the actual night, all her friends ignored me when I asked about plans for the night. She said she wasn't going to go buecause she didnt' feel up to it. Luckily, one of the few people on my course that I made somewhat of a decent friendship with were going to, so I went with them, although a bit hurt, confused and angry at the situation.

    Here's where the **** really hits the fan.

    After an hour or so, I find this other group of friends, who ignored me, there too, which I expected but also I see my ex girl there too. I felt kinda hurt she lied to me, and that everyone ignored me and excluded me from the group. I knew that although she said stay friends with her and them, it would be a bit weird and that night proved it. They all "kicked me out" the group so she could go with them instead. (it hurts even writing about this, even though it happened a few months ago now) but after all they are her friends first, not mine.

    Then I see her with a guy, a guy who was also apart of that group, who she was dancing with, holding hands etc. It killed me inside. It ****ing killed me. I was so so so MAD. I never felt so angry mad betrayed hurt in my life. The fact I drank too didn't help. To make matters worse, this guy, who I met maybe twice, was taunting me for no reason. Smirking at me, trying to be "seen" with her in front of me etc. I was SO MAD. I'm quite a built guy, very strong and he isnt. If i wanted to, I could have wiped the floor with him. Completely ****ed him up. Everyone fibre of me wanted to and know i could have. but i couldnt risk losing a place on my medical course for it, as if it was reported to the uni I would be for sure kicked off the course.

    The day after she called me and talked to me about it. I found out she literally went out with him a day after ending it with me. of course, it made it hurt more.

    I said i didnt want to speak to her anymore and to delete my number

    i see her and some of the friends around and recently she's been trying to contact me and asked me to go out with them on a night out (the guy apparently lives quite far away and rarely goes out with them etc)

    I really wanted to, because I still feel lonely, but I just hate her now. I can't stand her or look at her or smile at her in person. Although i miss her. I feel pathetic. I know she doesnt hate me but then again she has no reason to. she also knows how I felt about uni and feeling lonely etc. But by going out with them I would feel a bit pathetic, and a bit out of place. Also, she always looked so good on nights out and I we were always so "couple like" on nights out if you know what I mean. so it would be weird and I feel like it would bring the good memories rushing back, which would hurt a lot.

    but bascially, because of this whole thing, i feel sad, angry, lonely and don't feel like I can really trust new people because how i was just ejected from the group like that. I have given up trying to meet new people and new friends because I don't want to feel rejected again. I feel pathetic.

    I dont know if should meet her again and her friends and try to heal some wounds or if it would just make everything worse. but they are the only people who are sort of familiar and im craving some friends and not unfamiliar people who i have to make an effort with to make friends with at the moment. but another part of me says she hurt me so much i should let them all go completely and move on and meet new people, even if i have to stay lonely for however long until then.

    I just feel so sad, hurt, angry, lethargic anti social at the moment, which makes it hard to make new friends

    any advice, if u read this far??

    thank you so much
    That sucks man. I would suggest cutting ties with all of them, especially the girl - it seems to me that she doesn't actually care about you, but rather just wants to make you feel like **** for no reason i.e. she's sad and pathetic. She knows that you're lonely, so her inviting you to go out with them is an indirect way of saying 'haha you have no friends, come hang out with my friends who don't like you'

    Don't lose your dignity and self-respect over some hoe, you're better than that bro. Better to be alone than hanging out with the wrong people! I would suggest ignoring them completely from now on and focus on other more important things. And about the girl? She's not worth it. Never hang out with people who make you feel like **** because you deserve better.

    London is a big place and it is very easy to feel isolated, but it also means that many people are in your position and are willing to look for friends. Joining some societies is definitely the best thing to do at this point! Or get to know people in your course more - medics are very tight-knit and are especially close to their coursemates due to the nature of their degree.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is a long post so I'm reallly sorry but if you can be bothered to read all of it and give me some advice I would really appreciate it. I feel so down at the moment.

    So I moved to a london uni, won't say which one, from quite a distance away (Im from the east midlands) in Sept. Its now feb and although i've made a few friends, I haven't made any close friends yet and I feel very lonely

    The thing is, the uni is quite a good uni and I am also studying medicine, which naturally attracts the academic kids. I took a gap year, and although thrilled when I got my offer after sooo long, started doubting whether I would fit in and would enjoy it.I assumed most the other students would be from very academic wealthy backgrounds, which I am not, I wouldn't be able to connect with them. Not just on my course, but generally across the uni. of course I haven't talked to every single student, but the majority I have, I hate to say, seem to be exactly that. I'm not from the ghetto by any means but I am not from a wealthy background and my close mates at home are not overly studious etc. I'm just finding it very difficult to connect with anyone on my course other than on a superficial level.

    Unlike some people, I was going to uni alone, none of my close mates or even people I knew were going to a london uni.

    When travelling to uni on the first day, I could already feel the lonlineless kick in and for the first hour or so I HATED IT. Luckily (or unluckily, as you'll find out later) I met some guy and a girl (his best mate) outside my accomodation who I forced myself to talk to, because at the end of the day I had to try and meet people somehow.

    I got along with them, went out with them that night with some others and became close friends with them and their group. I actually end up dating this girl for about 5 weeks.

    Unfortuantely, it didnt work out with her, and naturally I was kind of "excluded" from the group as it was her friends, not mine, who made up majority of this new group of friends I made.

    It didn't end aggressively or angrily between us, in fact it was quite nice and affectionate, although I was very sad about it. She insisted we stay friends and I still go out with her and her friends and stay apart of the group., which at the time was pretty much the only people I knew in London or at uni.

    I already booked a ticket for one night out before the break up which were all going to. This night out was a few weeks after the break up.

    The weeks leading up to the event I tried to stay in contact with her, but closer to the event she seeemed to become colder and more detached - eventually completely ignoring my messages. On the actual night, all her friends ignored me when I asked about plans for the night. She said she wasn't going to go buecause she didnt' feel up to it. Luckily, one of the few people on my course that I made somewhat of a decent friendship with were going to, so I went with them, although a bit hurt, confused and angry at the situation.

    Here's where the **** really hits the fan.

    After an hour or so, I find this other group of friends, who ignored me, there too, which I expected but also I see my ex girl there too. I felt kinda hurt she lied to me, and that everyone ignored me and excluded me from the group. I knew that although she said stay friends with her and them, it would be a bit weird and that night proved it. They all "kicked me out" the group so she could go with them instead. (it hurts even writing about this, even though it happened a few months ago now) but after all they are her friends first, not mine.

    Then I see her with a guy, a guy who was also apart of that group, who she was dancing with, holding hands etc. It killed me inside. It ****ing killed me. I was so so so MAD. I never felt so angry mad betrayed hurt in my life. The fact I drank too didn't help. To make matters worse, this guy, who I met maybe twice, was taunting me for no reason. Smirking at me, trying to be "seen" with her in front of me etc. I was SO MAD. I'm quite a built guy, very strong and he isnt. If i wanted to, I could have wiped the floor with him. Completely ****ed him up. Everyone fibre of me wanted to and know i could have. but i couldnt risk losing a place on my medical course for it, as if it was reported to the uni I would be for sure kicked off the course.

    The day after she called me and talked to me about it. I found out she literally went out with him a day after ending it with me. of course, it made it hurt more.

    I said i didnt want to speak to her anymore and to delete my number

    i see her and some of the friends around and recently she's been trying to contact me and asked me to go out with them on a night out (the guy apparently lives quite far away and rarely goes out with them etc)

    I really wanted to, because I still feel lonely, but I just hate her now. I can't stand her or look at her or smile at her in person. Although i miss her. I feel pathetic. I know she doesnt hate me but then again she has no reason to. she also knows how I felt about uni and feeling lonely etc. But by going out with them I would feel a bit pathetic, and a bit out of place. Also, she always looked so good on nights out and I we were always so "couple like" on nights out if you know what I mean. so it would be weird and I feel like it would bring the good memories rushing back, which would hurt a lot.

    but bascially, because of this whole thing, i feel sad, angry, lonely and don't feel like I can really trust new people because how i was just ejected from the group like that. I have given up trying to meet new people and new friends because I don't want to feel rejected again. I feel pathetic.

    I dont know if should meet her again and her friends and try to heal some wounds or if it would just make everything worse. but they are the only people who are sort of familiar and im craving some friends and not unfamiliar people who i have to make an effort with to make friends with at the moment. but another part of me says she hurt me so much i should let them all go completely and move on and meet new people, even if i have to stay lonely for however long until then.

    I just feel so sad, hurt, angry, lethargic anti social at the moment, which makes it hard to make new friends

    any advice, if u read this far??

    thank you so much
    They're not your friends, and you don't want them to be either. Try to find a new group somehow.
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    You'll be better off moving onto greener pastures. Have you thought about joining clubs/societies and going to the gym? These are great places to meet people who have similar interests to you. Also, how about socialising with others who you're accomodating with?
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    You just need to move on really and to be honest this loneliness seems to follow you because you already think about being lonely so you seem to create it yourself. So stop thinking so negatively and think about good things.
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    Hey man, if you ever want to talk to someone about how things are going you can always message me. You're not alone on this one; I'm sure other people are probably wanting to be friends with you right about now, or other people who may be in the same situation. Her friends are ********s and so is she. I don't think they deserve you as a friend and to be completely honest I understand how your confidence and esteem could be damaged like that. I think you need some time to heal. By all means, try and find new friends, but right now all you really need to do is make them anything but your priority.I would not advise going back to that friendship group because it looks as though your relationship status (whether together or split) with your ex dictated their friendship status with you. You don't need a friendship group that's only your friend if you're dating one of them- that's a really daft group of people, and an extremely toxic friendship. It clearly wouldn't have ended well.I think right now the best thing you can do is regain confidence. It happens slowly and gradually, but it happens. Take a break from them. Have a bit of fresh air without constantly worrying or trying to fit in. Join some clubs or societies that interest you and meet new people with similar interests from there. Visit an old friend or a relative (or family, if that's convenient).Once your confidence is slightly regained, I find that it's so much easier to make friends from there on.It'll be hard, but honestly when you make friends that actually care about you, it's so much more worth it. It's better to make friends with people who actually understand you and know you personally, not through the girl you're dating, because that's always bound to end up messy.So my tip for when you finally do find a group of new friends:Make friends with them all individually.Let them know you for you and then you can choose the person you're closest to out of the group Honestly by the time you have a new set of friends you'll be so glad you didn't return to that group of friends. Why go back and be "friends" when one of them (your ex) will most likely be dating another guy right in front of you... It's just not right.However, once you've made new friends, I do urge you to get back on friendly terms with your former group. Don't attach yourself to them because you'll have your own group, but just forgive and forget and start afresh. )Wheww that was longg... but err feel free to talk to me though, hang in there buddy x
    • #1
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    #1

    thanks for the responses guys it really helps

    i know its up to me and only me to get myself out of this rut - ultimately no one is going to do it for me

    (on another note, before I never understood how a girl or guy could hate and generalise the opposite sex as all being the same after a bad experience, but now, unfortunately I get it. I know its not true, and there are plenty of loyal amazing girls with amazing personalities out there, but in my head, when I'm feeling down, all i can think is that all girls are just b*tches. I think its because I thought this girl was so sweet warm and innocent then she turns out to do what she did. This definitely isnt helping because I miss the affection that a girlfriend provides, particularly at night having someone to spoon/cuddle so I do want to meet another girl.

    The thing is I don't usually approach random girls who I find attractive, my ex girl was probably the first time I ever did but I didnt expect it to turn into anything - i just wanted to make some friends. I'm really considering to get the balls to try this whole cold approach thing, even though it probably has a low success rate, not necessarily to find the "one" just to improve my social skills and conversational skills with girls and general confidence. after all, approaching an attractive girl who is a stranger is paralysingly scary for the most alpha of males.

    I would consider myself a fairly attractive guy, who is quite build now and of course being a future doctor always helps, and I have had plenty of girls interested in the past but I never really pursued them - mainly because I wanted to stay focussed on myself - my studies, gym etc. but I feel like I missed out on a lot of social experience with girls which is why I feel i need to actively improve that by cold approaching.

    after all I wouldn't be offended by a "no" because I know that a girl isnt always going to feel comfortable with a stranger, even if they find him attractive. and let's be honest, some girls love saying no just to boost their ego. but after all, one approach could change your life and you coiuld find the perfect girl, a girl who you many never have spoken to in a normal encounter eg being in your class etc.

    anyway i feel like im ranting on

    thanks if u read this far
 
 
 
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