I may leave the country for university but I have my girlfriend here.

Hi..

I have been concerned about it for half a year but I don't see a clear solution for this. I could not have anybody to talk my concerns with... because.. you will see.

I will write here about everything. Can anyone just write what they think..?

I am an international student studying in high school in Turkey.

I have a 3 year younger girlfriend and she is from really poor background. I will be graduating in 4 months and then I have to leave here, but I really don't want to. I cannot imagine what the day I see my girlfriend for the last time would be like.
Anyway, let's put the age difference aside and just assume that we really love each other so much that we would marry in the future.
I couldn't discuss this concern with anyone because of this. If somebody says he wants to stay in Turkey because of 3 year younger girl, anybody would think that he is retarded.
(I admit it, my girlfriend is quite young, but I swear I am not a pedophelia. it just happened to be like that. I fap to very mature stuff and I am never turned on by children please believe me.)

I currently applied to US Canada and UK. And I may apply for some university called Bogazici?, which is the best university inside Turkey but piece of **** outside, as you have never heard of this.
For American continents, I applied for computer science, which both my parents and I like.
For UK, I applied for History, which I really like, but my parents are strongly refusing.

If I go to the US, which is about 8000 km far away from here, I will probably never come back to this country. Moreover, the fee is crazy and I don't want to study with debts.

If I go to the UK, it is still far away, but maybe if I work for part time I can get an airline ticket for every vacation, then I will see my girlfriend. Fee is still expensive, but it is 3 year course so a bit cheaper than the US. But I study History and I am worried about unemployment. My parents really scare the **** out of me with this.

If I go to university in Turkey, the fee is really cheap. I don't have to leave my girlfriend. It is some place I am familiar with. But I don't know where foreigners in with this degree end up. Of course, it would be easy to find a job within Turkey, but I don't really speak Turkish very well.

Surprisingly, a new option of Computer Science in the UK became available to me as KCL offered me a place. But I am not sure how good that university is, because my school counselor has been talking about how bad it is and the fact that I was accepted there with history focused personal statement and reference letter makes the counselor credible.
Yet, If I go to kings, it is a little tiny it cheaper, I may come to Turkey every vacation and both my parents and I like the major.

So I am really lost. I really don't know where I would end up.

If I study what I want in the UK, I may end up in debt with no job.
If I study in the US, I have to pay tons of money, like $40 000 a year.
If I study in this country, I will keep my girlfriend, but then what is happening with my job?

The chance that my girlfriend would be able to study abroad like me is nearly 0.
So if I leave Turkey once, really next time I can meet her properly is 4 year university + 2 year army service = 6 years later. 6 years?? I was 12 year old 6 years ago. It is that long.

and again let's just assume that we love each other so much that we will marry, otherwise why would I be tormenting about this

So it became choice between my life partner and my education.
And I definitely think my grifriend more importantly, but I don't know... I might be wrong.
If I could definitely choose my education, why would I be writing this here.

How do you think?..
What if you were in a similar situation, choice between Marriage + mysterious education and Forever alone + Awesome education.

There are many controversial parts... but let's just assume like that.

Reply 1

donutellme

Damn dude. I like you.

Okay, so.

I'm studying CS in the UK (i'm a home student though), and if you study at a respectable uni, the job prospects at great. Kings is decent, but not AMAZING. Depends what you mean by good career.

A few things to consider however.

This girl, are you sure shed stick by you if you cant see her for a while? I highly doubt it.

Will you stick by her if you don't see her? Maybe. But you'll meet plenty of girls in the UK (perhaps not your type though...).

Also. Future comes first.

Also, try Skype or message etc. then you can visit during term breaks (every 3 months or so).

But future comes first. Decide based on that, not your love. Because you can't be sure about love, but you can be about your education.

That doesn't mean don't try to keep her close though. Just make sure your priority is your work.

Reply 2

minä

It depends on your priorities. However, love is fickle, and you might not want to hang your whole future on it.

Personally, I'm more achievement-oriented and incredibly skeptical about relationship lasting, especially when those relationships are between teens. For your first few loves you'll most likely have unrealistic expectations because you haven't figured out how relationships truly work. It's unlikely that the emotions you're experiencing now towards this girl will be the same in 3 or 10 or even 30 years. It would require committed work to keep the relationship going despite emotional flux and changing circumstances. Even if you were up for that effort, maybe she isn't? Or maybe she is now, but not in 2 years? Maybe you'll meet someone else soon? Maybe she'll meet someone else? Having said all that, the answer to your question from my point of view is a no-brainer: get a good education in a field you're interested in, worry about relationships later.

I think you've already found an ideal option for yourself: you got an offer from a UK university where you could potentially change your History offer to a Comp Sci one. You even said yourself
that were you to go to this university, you would have an interest towards the subject, your parents approval, the possibility of going back to Turkey to see your gf every once in a while, AND lower tuition fees than in the US. This way you can keep in contact with your gf (if she's up for it) while not sacrificing your future.

Be brave with contacting the university about the possibility of changing degrees. They most likely have their own protocol about such matters, but even if they won't allow you to change your degree, they can't, without reason, withdraw the offer they gave you for History (to my knowledge anyway).

Good luck with everything!

Reply 3

domonict

Hard one but.....

Your degree will be more valuable if you study overseas
Air travel can be cheap if planned. No reason that she cannot travel to see you (-assuming that she's not really young-, then you DO have issues)

My g/f is in Canada and it is hard to continue a relationship but people all over the world serve in the forces or work abroad and the family stay at "home"

You also have to consider if the relationship will founder due to distance. If it will, is it worth the long haul anyway?