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Boyfriend staying over at parents' house
My boyfriend and are going to my hometown for a couple of days. We're both 22, in a committed relationship, madly in love, taking precautions, all that responsible jazz...
...and apparently he will have to sleep in the guest room by himself.
I think it's ridiculous he can't stay in the same room as me given that they both clearly know I'm sexually active. My mum discovered I was on the pill years ago when she was rooting around in my room and my dad gave me the "I don't care what you do at uni, as long as you don't bring any babies back" talk way before that.
I'm fuming, and don't really know what to do. How have you all tackled this issue with your parents? Any tips for winning them over? I know it's their house and all, but it's not as if they're going to prevent me from /ever/ sharing a bed with my boyfriend, as I don't live at home normally, so really, what do they think they're accomplishing?
Advice appreciated.
...and apparently he will have to sleep in the guest room by himself.
I think it's ridiculous he can't stay in the same room as me given that they both clearly know I'm sexually active. My mum discovered I was on the pill years ago when she was rooting around in my room and my dad gave me the "I don't care what you do at uni, as long as you don't bring any babies back" talk way before that.
I'm fuming, and don't really know what to do. How have you all tackled this issue with your parents? Any tips for winning them over? I know it's their house and all, but it's not as if they're going to prevent me from /ever/ sharing a bed with my boyfriend, as I don't live at home normally, so really, what do they think they're accomplishing?
Advice appreciated.
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never been in such a situation yet, but you could always choose to live in motel or hotel for the few days. that way you'll show your parents how serious you two are about each other, that you WANT to be together.
otherwise since it's only a few days, you could just stick it out (personally i'd choose potion 1)!!!
Good Luck!! ;-)
otherwise since it's only a few days, you could just stick it out (personally i'd choose potion 1)!!!
Good Luck!! ;-)
There's not really much you can do if they're dead set against it. Explain that you feel you are old enough to share a bed and being made to do otherwise will embarrass you and that you will respect the fact it's their house. This still doesn't mean they will agree though.
Luckily, I bypassed this issue because my boyfriend is older than me. I don't think my parents felt it would be appropriate for him to have to sleep alone, funnily enough! They can't go back on the rule now.
Luckily, I bypassed this issue because my boyfriend is older than me. I don't think my parents felt it would be appropriate for him to have to sleep alone, funnily enough! They can't go back on the rule now.
woeful_infatuation
never been in such a situation yet, but you could always choose to live in motel or hotel for the few days. that way you'll show your parents how serious you two are about each other, that you WANT to be together.
Part of the reason why he wanted to come with me, was because he wanted to meet my parents. Staying in a hotel defeats the object. (Although I am seriously tempted!)
I love him so much, and I feel like my parents are treating him badly already, before they've even met him. The spare room is a box room, really, and my room is big with a double bed in it. It seems stupid to not share...
I'm worried about coming across selfish here, but I do honestly feel at at 22, parents should be beginning to let go and trust their children to take care of themselves? I just find it frustrating. It's not even as if I want to have sex in their house - I just want to cuddle up next to my boyfriend and sleep!
i'd still suggest the motel idea. you would just stay there at night and then go to your parents' for breakfast and spend the day with them. also, who says they'll even let you stay at a motel. it's just the idea that you show them that you're grown up, and find it unfair and silly to not share your bigger room. more than likely they will see your point and prefer you sharing your room than sleeping at a motel.
jeez thats crazy. you just need to tell them that your boyfriend really wants to mee them, but say if you make him sleep in the spare room and not with me, then we wont be stopping over.
seriously at 22 you could easily be living together, so i really cant see your parents problem with it...
me and my girl are 19, dont get any of those problems really.
seriously at 22 you could easily be living together, so i really cant see your parents problem with it...
me and my girl are 19, dont get any of those problems really.
Yep, that was the situation at home basically until my siblings moved in with someone or were engaged.
Our old house used to be big enough for nobody to really notice the sneaking that went on, or perhaps a blind eye was sometimes turned, who knows?
But yes: moral of the story, don't push it. It's better to keep them happy for now.
Our old house used to be big enough for nobody to really notice the sneaking that went on, or perhaps a blind eye was sometimes turned, who knows?
But yes: moral of the story, don't push it. It's better to keep them happy for now.
My mum says she doesn't mind if i'm sexually active, just not under her roof.
Think about it. They don't really want to be lying in bed hearing their daughter having sex...
It's there rules; respect them.
Think about it. They don't really want to be lying in bed hearing their daughter having sex...
It's there rules; respect them.
Getting angry with them isn't going to help. And I don't think going to stay in a hotel is a great idea either (and REALLY expensive!)
Have a proper sensible discussion with them about it - at 22 you should be able to do this without slamming doors and shouting "It's not fair!" Obviously if they're really uncomfortable with it, then you have to respect their wishes, but you can reassure them that you won't disturb them in any way, that you are being sensible etc.
And when he does come round, whatever happens - do that! Don't spend all your time in either of your rooms, make sure your parents get to know him and so on. It may be that once they've met him and realised he's not a psycho, they'll be more comfortable with the idea.
Have a proper sensible discussion with them about it - at 22 you should be able to do this without slamming doors and shouting "It's not fair!" Obviously if they're really uncomfortable with it, then you have to respect their wishes, but you can reassure them that you won't disturb them in any way, that you are being sensible etc.
And when he does come round, whatever happens - do that! Don't spend all your time in either of your rooms, make sure your parents get to know him and so on. It may be that once they've met him and realised he's not a psycho, they'll be more comfortable with the idea.
This is the first time they are meeting their daughters boyfriend, it's a big thing for parents. The thing is though, you are both under their roof and should stick to their rules. I know it's unfair and frustrating but sometimes these things have to be done, just to keep on their good side. If you and your boyfriend both want him to get to know your parents, don't cause any trouble by pushing it too far. By all means explain your situation, try and stand up for yourself and make them realise that you love him, and that you are old enough to sleep in the same bed. I just wouldn't get into a huge argument about it, because it could stop your parents and your boyfriend from getting on as well as they would have done without the hassle of sharing a bed. They have set down their rules, and by pushing them, they could easily put some of that blame on your boyfriend and that's no way to start off the weekend.
Ask them about it, but if they are dead set against it, respect the rules they have put down. To them this is a brand new person, someone that their daughter cares for a lot, they don't know him like you do therefore they are going to have their doubts. You need to let them get to know him before you can really expect certain things from them. Give them a break, they are just doing what they think is best.
Ask them about it, but if they are dead set against it, respect the rules they have put down. To them this is a brand new person, someone that their daughter cares for a lot, they don't know him like you do therefore they are going to have their doubts. You need to let them get to know him before you can really expect certain things from them. Give them a break, they are just doing what they think is best.
Whenever my boyfriend comes to visit me or I go to visit him and we stay at each others parents we sleep in different rooms. This doesn't particularly bother me because for most of the year we sleep in different beds anyway(I'm on a Year Abroad in Spain and he's back in Britain) and I'm a guest in someone's house so I feel I have to respect that it's their house. (Although in my boyfriend's parents house the guest room has a double bed, I enjoy having that to myself as I have a single bed at home!
) He's 22 and I'm 21, and I'm happy with this and if we ever did get married then of course his parents and mine would respect this and let us sleep together when we were visiting, but until then I'm happy having separate rooms.
Yes I'm traditional but I don't see the point in conflict.
) He's 22 and I'm 21, and I'm happy with this and if we ever did get married then of course his parents and mine would respect this and let us sleep together when we were visiting, but until then I'm happy having separate rooms.Yes I'm traditional but I don't see the point in conflict.
fallen_xx
my dad gave me the "I don't care what you do at uni, as long as you don't bring any babies back" talk
I didn't even realise that talk existed.
fallen_xx
I do honestly feel at at 22, parents should be beginning to let go and trust their children to take care of themselves?
I obviously don't know your parents, but I don't think it's an issue of not trusting you to take care of yourself. My parents were the same; I'm only eighteen, nearly nineteen and my boyfriend started staying in my room when I was only seventeen!
It took them a while to get to grips with it though. At first they were TOTALLY averse to it as my parents are older than average (my mum is 62 and my dad is 58) and were still convinced that sex should only come after marriage.
I spoke to my mum though and told her that if she didn't allow him to stay at our house with me, I would continue to stay at his house and this meant that she would have to choose between not seeing me as often, or accepting that I was old enough to make my own decisions. She recognised this and whilst she asked me to wait a while so that she could get used to the idea, she did eventually and now it's not a problem.
Just speak to your mum (or your dad) and tell them you think they're being unreasonable. It will probably take a while, but you need to respect the fact that it's their house and will probably feel uncomfortable thinking that their daughter is wrapped around a man in bed - in the same way you probably feel extremely uncomfortable imagining them in bed!
I'm 22 as well and when my folks first met my boyfriend he slept in the spare room. After that he stayed in my room and they've never had a problem with it so I guess it was just a one off! I'd respect your parents wishes because it's probably just a temporary measure since it'll be the first time you've brought him home....next time they'll probably be fine with it.
In all honesty.. I wouldn't have a problem with this. I understand that my mum wouldn't let me share a bed with my boyfriend in her house until we were married.
But it is HER house, and I don't argue that I can sleep in my bf's bed when I am at his house, because that's HIS parents decision.
You get to sleep together as much as you want at Uni so surely you can be apart a few nights whilst he meets your parents? It'll make the meeting much smoother because your parents will feel more comfortable
But it is HER house, and I don't argue that I can sleep in my bf's bed when I am at his house, because that's HIS parents decision.
You get to sleep together as much as you want at Uni so surely you can be apart a few nights whilst he meets your parents? It'll make the meeting much smoother because your parents will feel more comfortable
my parents and i never really discussed it but the guest bed was made up for him..but there was a tv in there, so we watched a few dvds late into the night and then i just stayed in there haha
didn't get spoken to about it the next day, and i didn't sneak around, they knew i'd slept with him, and then i figure, like Laces said, they can't go back on the rule now
didn't get spoken to about it the next day, and i didn't sneak around, they knew i'd slept with him, and then i figure, like Laces said, they can't go back on the rule now
my parents operate a 'blind eye' policy, i.e. if they dont see me do it they don't care. Knowing their baby is having sex in the next room can't be a comfortable thought for any parent, especially girls parents. Suspicion will be there for any guy/girl anyone brings home. Your parents love you and the last thing they wanna see id you get hurt. Take these rules as a sign that they care, because if they didn't, then they probably wouldn't say a thing. Me and my ex slept in seperate rooms for the first few nights she was over at mine and I was at hers because the parents didnt like the idea of us sleeping together when they knew the partner for only a few weeks.
or he can just go to the spare room after you've done the deed quietly, ala the scene in 'Enemy at the Gates'
or he can just go to the spare room after you've done the deed quietly, ala the scene in 'Enemy at the Gates'
When I first started going out with my boyfriend I was allowed to sleep in his room, then about 4 months into the relationship they moved house and suddenly their morals meant that I wasn't allowed to share a room with him any more! They didn't even like me in his room during the day and would come in at least twice an hour which a very obvious way of checking on us.
It took another 2 years and the fact that we're now living together for me to be allowed to sleep in his room, though his dad will still walk into the room when I'm there without being waiting for my boyfriend to say he can. It's irritating but it's their house and their rules so I follow them.
It might just take your parents getting to know your boyfriend and making sure he's good for their little girl before you can even try and change their mind. Until then I really think it's best just to follow their rules and show that you're mature enough not to throw a strop, and that you and your boyfriend are serious about each other. Sneaking around will cause a lot of upset if you're caught and might even result on your boyfriend not being allowed to stay again.
It took another 2 years and the fact that we're now living together for me to be allowed to sleep in his room, though his dad will still walk into the room when I'm there without being waiting for my boyfriend to say he can. It's irritating but it's their house and their rules so I follow them.
It might just take your parents getting to know your boyfriend and making sure he's good for their little girl before you can even try and change their mind. Until then I really think it's best just to follow their rules and show that you're mature enough not to throw a strop, and that you and your boyfriend are serious about each other. Sneaking around will cause a lot of upset if you're caught and might even result on your boyfriend not being allowed to stay again.
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