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How to get a girlfriend if you're really shy and quiet Watch

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    Hey, I'm 18 and male.
    I'm looking for a girlfriend currently but I'm really struggling to find girls (that I like). Also I'm really shy and really quiet. I find it extremely hard to talk to people, let alone girls I like.
    No girls ever seem to be interested in me either. They always shut me down if I want to get to know them (I genuinely do). It's so frustrating.
    I would treat her the best I could, be there for her when she needs me, have fun with her, do little things to show I love her, give her space of she needs it, not push her into anything she doesn't want to do, protect her, care for her, make her feel happy when she's down, make her feel special.
    What am I doing wrong? Is this not what girls want? All the girls I know seem to only want sex. I don't see why everyone wants it 24/7.
    I would love to spend an evening snuggling with my girl and watching movies together (Girls, is this what you would like to do?)
    I feel useless as I have no friends either because I'm quiet.
    I don't want to come across as desperate, because it not. I would like to be in a strong relationship with the girl of my dreams and live a happy life together.
    It would also bring me some happiness into my life (something which is rare currently. I'm being bullied at college)
    Can someone help?
    Most appreciated.
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    I'm not the best person to be giving advice but you could start by finding some hobbies where you can meet new people. I used to feel really nervous about meeting new people but it gets easier the more you do it.

    Maybe kill two birds with one stone and join a boxing club, you could get used to making new friends, and put the people bullying you into a coma

    Then once you're used to meeting new people in general, you can then get used to meeting girls
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    Work on getting friends - both male and female. If you can't make female friends (in particular) then it's a tough ask to get something more. I know what it's like to be extremely shy and find it difficult to talk to people so I know that that's not easy, but you just have to try.. get used to it, do interesting things, take interest in other people, spend time with them etc and come out of your 'shell'.

    But a few things to note:

    Don't worry if it doesn't happen at college. You'd be lucky to meet sensible people at that age.

    Don't throw yourself at just anyone for the sake of being with someone.

    Don't (unwittingly) creep them out or be clingy - it's not good. I'm not saying that you are or that it's going to happen, but it's something to keep in mind.
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    Hello, please ignore the above anonymous poster.

    You're welcome to message me if you'd like to talk, I don't bite, honest

    I'm afraid I can't give you much specific advice as I don't know all the details of your situation, but I would suggest trying to be confident and appearing more approachable (you really do sound like a lovely person, but sadly being quiet can often be misinterpreted as being unfriendly and not wanting to get to know other people - I know it sucks, I'm super quiet as well, and this is what I've found).

    Also, is there any way you can address the bullying issue at college? Do your teachers know what is going on, or have you perhaps been to student support about the issue?
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    Stop being quiet. Yes I'm bloody serious, if you don't like it change it, it won't solve all your problems though, being a fluent and confident speaker comes with its baggage as well, for one thing everyone assumes you will initiate everything because you are intimidating -.-
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    (Original post by jaymcfc88)
    I'm not the best person to be giving advice but you could start by finding some hobbies where you can meet new people. I used to feel really nervous about meeting new people but it gets easier the more you do it.

    Maybe kill two birds with one stone and join a boxing club, you could get used to making new friends, and put the people bullying you into a coma

    Then once you're used to meeting new people in general, you can then get used to meeting girls
    I will look into hobbies and clubs to join. Thats a really good idea.
    Boxing is really not my thing so ill pass on that.
    I did go and chat with a girl i liked before but i was really nervous and it didnt go well. So thats not helped either.
    Thanks for the reply.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, I'm 18 and male.
    I'm looking for a girlfriend currently but I'm really struggling to find girls (that I like). Also I'm really shy and really quiet. I find it extremely hard to talk to people, let alone girls I like.
    No girls ever seem to be interested in me either. They always shut me down if I want to get to know them (I genuinely do). It's so frustrating.
    I would treat her the best I could, be there for her when she needs me, have fun with her, do little things to show I love her, give her space of she needs it, not push her into anything she doesn't want to do, protect her, care for her, make her feel happy when she's down, make her feel special.
    What am I doing wrong? Is this not what girls want? All the girls I know seem to only want sex. I don't see why everyone wants it 24/7.
    I would love to spend an evening snuggling with my girl and watching movies together (Girls, is this what you would like to do?)
    I feel useless as I have no friends either because I'm quiet.
    I don't want to come across as desperate, because it not. I would like to be in a strong relationship with the girl of my dreams and live a happy life together.
    It would also bring me some happiness into my life (something which is rare currently. I'm being bullied at college)
    Can someone help?
    Most appreciated.
    Stop looking, they can sense your desperation. It'll happen when it happens.
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    You should meet new girls, one day you'll find one who doesn't want you just for sex and you can have your ideal relationship with her.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    (Original post by Leviathan1741)
    Hello, please ignore the above anonymous poster.

    You're welcome to message me if you'd like to talk, I don't bite, honest

    I'm afraid I can't give you much specific advice as I don't know all the details of your situation, but I would suggest trying to be confident and appearing more approachable (you really do sound like a lovely person, but sadly being quiet can often be misinterpreted as being unfriendly and not wanting to get to know other people - I know it sucks, I'm super quiet as well, and this is what I've found).

    Also, is there any way you can address the bullying issue at college? Do your teachers know what is going on, or have you perhaps been to student support about the issue?
    In my experience quiet people are often seen as judgemental, I have had bouts of quietness and assertiveness, I was quite loud in college but quiet in university and one girl in my flat literally said that I was judging her just for being quiet and enjoying lunch while listening to casual chat :rofl: I just have mood swings,
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    (Original post by Tootles)
    Stop looking, they can sense your desperation. It'll happen when it happens.
    Not really, if you make it obvious they can yeah, but in my experience girls are pretty damn terrible at sensing anything, hence why so many threads on here about confused people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I will look into hobbies and clubs to join. Thats a really good idea.
    Boxing is really not my thing so ill pass on that.
    I did go and chat with a girl i liked before but i was really nervous and it didnt go well. So thats not helped either.
    Thanks for the reply.
    Glad to help.

    Yeah there are all sorts of other things you can look for... local running clubs, rock climbing centres, the gym + free gym classes, dance classes (plenty of girls there)

    Maybe try and have at least one hobby that is pretty physical, as it sounds like you have a lot on your mind and exercise would be a great way to help you deal with that
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    (Original post by whorace)
    In my experience quiet people are often seen as judgemental, I have had bouts of quietness and assertiveness, I was quite loud in college but quiet in university and one girl in my flat literally said that I was judging her just for being quiet and enjoying lunch while listening to casual chat :rofl: I just have mood swings,
    Yeah, it's annoying because I'd like to think that I'm a nice person, but because I'm quiet, everybody just ignores me or thinks I'm angry/upset all the time. I just don't like talking much dammit (although I can talk for hours online)
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    (Original post by Tootles)
    Stop looking, they can sense your desperation. It'll happen when it happens.
    I'm OP five years on.

    Nothing at all has happened in anyway.

    That advice is awful. You need to do something. You can't get a girlfriend if you don't meet people for example.
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    you're not the only shy person believe me I know the struggles, coming from a shy person, I find that my confidence grows when I'm around shy people ( idk why maybe just because they make me feel confident in comparison) try to start a conversation by complimenting a shy girl on her hair or something I promise you it'll make her day :blush:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by SeanFM)
    Work on getting friends - both male and female. If you can't make female friends (in particular) then it's a tough ask to get something more. I know what it's like to be extremely shy and find it difficult to talk to people so I know that that's not easy, but you just have to try.. get used to it, do interesting things, take interest in other people, spend time with them etc and come out of your 'shell'.

    But a few things to note:

    Don't worry if it doesn't happen at college. You'd be lucky to meet sensible people at that age.

    Don't throw yourself at just anyone for the sake of being with someone.

    Don't (unwittingly) creep them out or be clingy - it's not good. I'm not saying that you are or that it's going to happen, but it's something to keep in mind.
    Ive been quiet my whole life and have never had much luck in talkibg with people.
    In highschook a had a few friends and would talk with girls but college has been awful.

    I agree with that. Most people at my college are really immature and im on a course full of boys anyway.

    Im not throwing myself at anyone. I make sure that i know them before i consider going any further. I choose girls based on their personalities (ive asked out 2 girls, both said no).

    I will keep that in mind.
    Thanks
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    (Original post by whorace)
    In my experience quiet people are often seen as judgemental, I have had bouts of quietness and assertiveness, I was quite loud in college but quiet in university and one girl in my flat literally said that I was judging her just for being quiet and enjoying lunch while listening to casual chat :rofl: I just have mood swings,
    Yeah, in my college class they all seemed to think I was judgemental from the get go, I spoke to people but I was depressed & didn't really relate to any of them, so for the most part kept to myself.
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    Yeah, in my college class they all seemed to think I was judgemental from the get go, I spoke to people but I was depressed & didn't really relate to any of them, so for the most part kept to myself.
    To be fair there was this one guy who shamefully told me he tried to slep with a girl in a relationship that I flat out ignored and refused to talk to so I suppose there is some truth to it :rofl:

    I rarely talk to people unless I relate to them as well
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ive been quiet my whole life and have never had much luck in talkibg with people.
    In highschook a had a few friends and would talk with girls but college has been awful.

    I agree with that. Most people at my college are really immature and im on a course full of boys anyway.

    Im not throwing myself at anyone. I make sure that i know them before i consider going any further. I choose girls based on their personalities (ive asked out 2 girls, both said no).

    I will keep that in mind.
    Thanks
    :borat: maybe work on flirting with them and things like that to improve the chances of them saying yes.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Leviathan1741)
    Hello, please ignore the above anonymous poster.

    You're welcome to message me if you'd like to talk, I don't bite, honest

    I'm afraid I can't give you much specific advice as I don't know all the details of your situation, but I would suggest trying to be confident and appearing more approachable (you really do sound like a lovely person, but sadly being quiet can often be misinterpreted as being unfriendly and not wanting to get to know other people - I know it sucks, I'm super quiet as well, and this is what I've found).

    Also, is there any way you can address the bullying issue at college? Do your teachers know what is going on, or have you perhaps been to student support about the issue?
    I have tried being more confident in highschool and it worked. I gained friends and very nearly got a girlfriend (i failed though i was too nervous).
    I know the feeling. College has been awful for me and no one wants to know me now as im so quiet. They all make fun of me for it.

    Nope. Nothing i can do.
    The teachers are ****ing useless. They do **** all. Excuse my language.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    To be fair there was this one guy who shamefully told me he tried to slep with a girl in a relationship that I flat out ignored and refused to talk to so I suppose there is some truth to it :rofl:

    I rarely talk to people unless I relate to them as well
    I suppose I'm judging them as judgemental for thinking I'm judgemental, so both sides are doing the same thing lol
 
 
 
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