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Boss is cold, calculating and manipulative...makes me ill Watch

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    Basically, I hate my job- but not so much because of the job more my boss. I really liked my boss before her, who was lovely, approachable and polar opposite to her.

    My boss is just the most cold, callous and completely uncaring person I've ever had the [dis]pleasure of meeting. There has been a whole manner of corruptive and unethical happenings; sexual affairs, conflict of interest, lying, *****ing, manipulation, blackmail and sheer bullying mentality. Most of which goes undetected as she is very cunning and well respected (for some reason) in the wider community, and to company directors.

    She is a member of a 'high society' type organisation in my local area and is respected amongst some of this towns most wealthiest/prominent family's.

    Additionally, the board of directors for the company absolutely adore her, thinks she's the best thing to walk the earth. So you can't complain to them as they ignore you, or shun you, or worse yet, my boss finds out and you get hell on earth.

    You can't go to HR because they are an external firm brought in by her, and are friendly with her also- she has a medium group of people whom seem to grow by the minute. She has ears everywhere, all the while screwing everyone over. There is a long line of ex-employees whom are disgruntled, and even some current employees have changed their tone while talking about her.

    She has:

    - bullied people to the point of pushing them out (either firing them or making them look bad)
    - manipulated and lied to people to discredit their reputation
    - Drove me and some family members to illness (signed off work)
    - Blackmails directors and high profile people by giving them discounted stays
    - had presumed sexual affairs with the powers that be
    - Flirts with members of high society clubs
    - is plainly just very cold and nasty and dangerous


    How do you deal with a boss that is so sociopathic?

    TLR:

    1. How do you deal with a boss whom is cold and callous and:

    - bullies people
    - blackmails
    - is well in with directors and high powers
    - is buddies with HR (friends in high places)
    - pushes other senior members out (fires or makes look bad).
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    Oh also, all of that above and I need a reference when I go, and I'm petrified that she will give me a bad rep or cause me to lose job offers.

    I know that people will tell me she can't give me a bad one or refuse me a reference without good cause- however, you don't know my boss, and she probably doesn't give a damn. She'll take great pleasure in ruining my life. She already has- as I got into trouble for something, however, I was honest how I felt about the organisation, how they failed me and how I felt that she was a nasty piece of work. I don't think I've done myself any favours.

    How do I get out of this situation without becoming collateral damage?

    I also live here- she is my landlord and my relative work here.
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    I am pretty sure you can get the boss fired. All you need to do is form a committee - collect evidence of her torturing/tormenting you all by recording her actions. Just put spy cams on your desk (small enough so it's hardly detectable. Save the file and:

    1. Send her a copy. Tell her that you have recorded her actions and if she does continue to violate me, i will send this to the police and could face years behind bars.

    2. Send it to someone who is in the same status/rank as her. Tell that person that she is mistreating her employees unfairly.

    You have the right to stand up for yourself. Btw i am not a worker.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am pretty sure you can get the boss fired. All you need to do is form a committee - collect evidence of her torturing/tormenting you all by recording her actions. Just put spy cams on your desk (small enough so it's hardly detectable. Save the file and:

    1. Send her a copy. Tell her that you have recorded her actions and if she does continue to violate me, i will send this to the police and could face years behind bars.

    2. Send it to someone who is in the same status/rank as her. Tell that person that she is mistreating her employees unfairly.

    You have the right to stand up for yourself. Btw i am not a worker.
    Of course I could, however, unfortunately for me (and those getting the rough end) she is well-connected. There is no way that the board of directors or anybody will listen. She is so good at spinning a yarn of lies to make them seem believable. She rationalises her own decisions, and when you think about it, its absolutely bizarre.

    The problem with ganging up together with fellow employees is that she could claim that we are bullying her and trying to defame her character- when actually its the other way around.

    Everyone is frightened of her, and she has a following of individuals in the admin/office department- of whom she tells to make all the decisions. I had noticed, that she almost always gets others to do her biddings, and when employees disagree she shifts blame.

    She is an incredibly difficult person to manage. There is nobody at her level, she's on her own level unfortunately. All of the people abled to make a change won't, because they either a: are friends with her or b: are too scared trapped in an awkward situation.

    She has this way of getting away with stuff. Whenever stuff hits the fan she's nowhere to be seen. :/
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    I seem to remember you making several threads about this over a period of time. You need to accept this is not going to improve and get yourself out of there. Don't stress about the reference until it is a problem, if she refuses (which she can legally do) or gives a bad one (which is shaky ground but realistically you're not going to be able to do much) you could contact your new employer and explain you have had personal disagreement but are happy to provide some coworkers as references. If it really causes a problem you might have to think about taking a crappier job for a while where they will be less bothered about references. But really, you cannot fix this, you just need to leave.
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    Hearing this is like my worst nightmare confirmed really. Although I do appreciate your honesty, I almost feared there wouldn't be much I could do, apart from leave my place of work and settle for any old job and try to get a reference that way.

    The only problem is I know that when I do have to leave and I do find a better job (currently in my student job- having no graduated), there will come a time when I will have to actually request a reference and I don't quite know how to handle that. I suffer from social anxiety, on top of the fact I'm petrified of her.

    I'm only 25, I have my whole working life ahead of me, I don't want my life to blighted more than it already is- I have Gross Misconduct on my employment file already which is on there for 12 months (think I binned the documentation also- unfortunately so let's hope she doesn't claim it to be on there for long than is neccessary). I was lucky I didn't get fired, I basically got pissed off with the unfair treatment and ranted on social media, the boss found out and I was investigated and handed a final written warning. Most of the strikes are against me already, despite the fact I've been a very loyal hard worker there for 8/9 years.

    Really and truly I want her to get her just desserts.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    I seem to remember you making several threads about this over a period of time. You need to accept this is not going to improve and get yourself out of there. Don't stress about the reference until it is a problem, if she refuses (which she can legally do) or gives a bad one (which is shaky ground but realistically you're not going to be able to do much) you could contact your new employer and explain you have had personal disagreement but are happy to provide some coworkers as references. If it really causes a problem you might have to think about taking a crappier job for a while where they will be less bothered about references. But really, you cannot fix this, you just need to leave.

    Hearing this is like my worst nightmare confirmed really. Although I do appreciate your honesty, I almost feared there wouldn't be much I could do, apart from leave my place of work and settle for any old job and try to get a reference that way.

    The only problem is I know that when I do have to leave and I do find a better job (currently in my student job- having no graduated), there will come a time when I will have to actually request a reference and I don't quite know how to handle that. I suffer from social anxiety, on top of the fact I'm petrified of her.

    I'm only 25, I have my whole working life ahead of me, I don't want my life to blighted more than it already is- I have Gross Misconduct on my employment file already which is on there for 12 months (think I binned the documentation also- unfortunately so let's hope she doesn't claim it to be on there for long than is neccessary). I was lucky I didn't get fired, I basically got pissed off with the unfair treatment and ranted on social media, the boss found out and I was investigated and handed a final written warning. Most of the strikes are against me already, despite the fact I've been a very loyal hard worker there for 8/9 years.

    Really and truly I want her to get her just desserts.
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    Try and look for another job Hun
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    Look for another job, take advice from a lawyer, follow HR steps as much as possible even if they don't do ****.
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    (Original post by PJ)
    Look for another job, take advice from a lawyer, follow HR steps as much as possible even if they don't do ****.
    Yeah I'm looking for a new job- I'm a graduate anyway- I just lack experience, which is really the other issue. I need good references or recommendations to get experience, guess it's like a stepping stone thing. Suppose I could acquire a reference from university lecturers.

    As for taking advice from lawyers- they cost money- which I don't have (see above: I'm a recent head and broke). Taking advice from HR would be like selling my soul to the devil- they admire my boss and most certainly aren't in it for my interests.
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    Where do you work? I got tupe'd over as our service got made redundant so my 'manager' works elsewhere and only 6 of us tupe'd over so can't use her ever as a reference as the company dont exist. She was a really shrewd brainless cow who tried to get me in trouble which backfired on her massively (still have a little chuckle thinking about it) thankgod I don't have to have anything to do with her now. My current manager is nice.
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    In situations like this you need to job hunt, secure a new post, request your reference and leave.

    If your reference is refused then take the fight to the company, with legal assistance, and see if you can get any of the disgruntled previous and present employees on board to bolster the evidence.

    Unfortunately, the happens quite a lot in private companies. As soon as you see it, plan your exit and leave them to their cronyism.
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    Try and look for another job Hun
    Trying my best with that, sadly, I think the economic climate has been a massive factor in me stopping here. If things were much easier I'd have told my boss to shove the job up her backside by now. Unfortunately, jobs are hard to come by (even as a graduate), and the system for getting references from employers doesn't really exist to benefit the worker. It is to our detriment when you work for bosses like mine. They just get to play the fiddle with the system. It's far rigidly geared in favour of employers.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    Where do you work? I got tupe'd over as our service got made redundant so my 'manager' works elsewhere and only 6 of us tupe'd over so can't use her ever as a reference as the company dont exist. She was a really shrewd brainless cow who tried to get me in trouble which backfired on her massively (still have a little chuckle thinking about it) thankgod I don't have to have anything to do with her now. My current manager is nice.
    I work in the the hospitality/catering trade in a hotel. The hotel is owned by a well established charitable trust (they are an institution in this country)- not saying who- but it makes me sick to think the trust that runs these establishments or their trustees are just as corrupt. I know of company directors whom know how horrible the manager is, yet don't do anything about it. They shun all criticism about her, and ignore us, or pass it down to her and she twists it all to make herself seem better. She very good at taking others credit, very good at stirring emotions.

    Your workplace sounds very very similar to mine, is so toxic- and I'm a much bitter person than I ever used to be. My former boss was bullied out of his position (by the current boss and a co-worker)...they colluded together and he was driven to mental breakdown. Everything he did to defend himself was twisted against him, every appeal he made in his defence was ripped to shreds. He was a lovely bloke, best boss I ever had actually. Feel sorry for what he went through. Sadly he had the rugged pulled from under his feet, the people he thought were there to defend him were wolves in sheeps clothing.

    I think it first started when my current boss appointed her below him. She then started doing my former bosses workload, and claiming all credit, then basically eventually made him look bad. Before he knew it, he was out the door, with all these accusations against him, he tried getting support from othe senior members only to have them go against him. He had no chance, it was all a kangaroo court designed to get him out.

    To conclude: he was paid a massive settlement as compensation, as he threatened to take the firm to court and tarnish their name. Which would have caused massive damage to the organisation- wish he'd have not taken the deal and screwed them all. Now, I'm left with the wicked witch lording over us all.

    I think I'd rather be made redundant than work here, but she's not stupid, she wouldn't want to have the company payout redundancy pay- it'll diminish her image. She'd rather get me out the door and fire me- ruin my image-.which she partly already has.
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    (Original post by CCC75)
    In situations like this you need to job hunt, secure a new post, request your reference and leave.

    If your reference is refused then take the fight to the company, with legal assistance, and see if you can get any of the disgruntled previous and present employees on board to bolster the evidence.

    Unfortunately, the happens quite a lot in private companies. As soon as you see it, plan your exit and leave them to their cronyism.
    I had thought about getting some former employees to destiny my case for me should I need it. There have been a few opportunities where I should've built up some documentation about the sorts of happenings here. Thing is, I live on site, me and my immediate family live here. So if I exposed it all, it'd put my home life on the line as well as everyone's jobs.

    For example, one time we were having renovations in the kitchen, it was completely out of bounds. No proper cooking equipment, we had to cook food remotely and ship it through to a separate room. So it was risky, as food may not have been hot as should be. It's certainly a health and safety issue, there were kitchen hot cupboards and plates, pots stacked all over. If the health inspector had come, we'd have been closed- wish he had turned up unannounced however it was Christmas period. Point is, I could've quite easily taken pictures with time/date stamps and emailed them to the health agency.

    In another case, a job was advertised only internally, and not externally, which to my knowledge is also illegal.

    But yes this is the place I work- disgusting really.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hearing this is like my worst nightmare confirmed really. Although I do appreciate your honesty, I almost feared there wouldn't be much I could do, apart from leave my place of work and settle for any old job and try to get a reference that way.

    The only problem is I know that when I do have to leave and I do find a better job (currently in my student job- having no graduated), there will come a time when I will have to actually request a reference and I don't quite know how to handle that. I suffer from social anxiety, on top of the fact I'm petrified of her.

    I'm only 25, I have my whole working life ahead of me, I don't want my life to blighted more than it already is- I have Gross Misconduct on my employment file already which is on there for 12 months (think I binned the documentation also- unfortunately so let's hope she doesn't claim it to be on there for long than is neccessary). I was lucky I didn't get fired, I basically got pissed off with the unfair treatment and ranted on social media, the boss found out and I was investigated and handed a final written warning. Most of the strikes are against me already, despite the fact I've been a very loyal hard worker there for 8/9 years.

    Really and truly I want her to get her just desserts.
    FYI barely anyone gives a **** about references, the fact you've held down a job for 8/9 years is waaaaaaayy more interesting to employers.

    If they DO get a reference from this woman, and she's all "omg this person is awful don't bother hiring" then why would they have employed you for so long
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I work in the the hospitality/catering trade in a hotel. The hotel is owned by a well established charitable trust (they are an institution in this country)- not saying who- but it makes me sick to think the trust that runs these establishments or their trustees are just as corrupt. I know of company directors whom know how horrible the manager is, yet don't do anything about it. They shun all criticism about her, and ignore us, or pass it down to her and she twists it all to make herself seem better. She very good at taking others credit, very good at stirring emotions.

    Your workplace sounds very very similar to mine, is so toxic- and I'm a much bitter person than I ever used to be. My former boss was bullied out of his position (by the current boss and a co-worker)...they colluded together and he was driven to mental breakdown. Everything he did to defend himself was twisted against him, every appeal he made in his defence was ripped to shreds. He was a lovely bloke, best boss I ever had actually. Feel sorry for what he went through. Sadly he had the rugged pulled from under his feet, the people he thought were there to defend him were wolves in sheeps clothing.

    I think it first started when my current boss appointed her below him. She then started doing my former bosses workload, and claiming all credit, then basically eventually made him look bad. Before he knew it, he was out the door, with all these accusations against him, he tried getting support from othe senior members only to have them go against him. He had no chance, it was all a kangaroo court designed to get him out.

    To conclude: he was paid a massive settlement as compensation, as he threatened to take the firm to court and tarnish their name. Which would have caused massive damage to the organisation- wish he'd have not taken the deal and screwed them all. Now, I'm left with the wicked witch lording over us all.

    I think I'd rather be made redundant than work here, but she's not stupid, she wouldn't want to have the company payout redundancy pay- it'll diminish her image. She'd rather get me out the door and fire me- ruin my image-.which she partly already has.
    It actually was toxic my first manager got sacked as we all had to attend a fact finding meeting she was so rotten and made everyone life hell.
    The assistant manager then became acting manager who was not as cruel but she was cold and only liked you if you did things for her. I worked for a private health care company who were employed by the trust but then the company contract ended in October as the wanted to set up their own service so people had choices either work for the existing company in Birmingham or at Burton or stay with the trust.
    90% went to the existing company and we all transferred. The manager was going to stay with us and tried to manipulate staff into staying and one did. Then the last week the manager made a u turn and decided not to stay with us as she wanted a band 8 role which she never will have she weren't satisfied with 40k :rolleyes: she would get by staying so she ****ged off both companies and went to work at Burton even though she was dissing the existing company initially saying they don't look after their staff and how staff should stay and work for the trust. Two faced cow.
    If I were you i would get out some places don't ask for references from current employers.
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    The health and safety breach is a valid claim of impropriety. Internal advertising of a position is within employment guidelines.

    You and your family sound a bit too close to the problem to be able to view solutions. Maybe if you make the break they will follow. It really isn't healthy to live at work.

    Test the ground with your manager and at your next supervision meeting state that you are considering moving on to progress your career and would she be kind enough to supply a reference when the time arises. If she is hostile about it calmly explain that you are saddened to hear that and require her reasons in writing.
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    (Original post by Architecture-er)
    FYI barely anyone gives a **** about references, the fact you've held down a job for 8/9 years is waaaaaaayy more interesting to employers.

    If they DO get a reference from this woman, and she's all "omg this person is awful don't bother hiring" then why would they have employed you for so long
    Yes, this. If your reference is poor you not only have grounds to challenge the company on a legal basis granted there are no employee records that warrant it, but like the quoted poster says why would they have employed you for so long? You could easily explain to a company that offers you employment on the basis of a good reference that the manager is 'disgruntled'.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hearing this is like my worst nightmare confirmed really. Although I do appreciate your honesty, I almost feared there wouldn't be much I could do, apart from leave my place of work and settle for any old job and try to get a reference that way.

    The only problem is I know that when I do have to leave and I do find a better job (currently in my student job- having no graduated), there will come a time when I will have to actually request a reference and I don't quite know how to handle that. I suffer from social anxiety, on top of the fact I'm petrified of her.

    I'm only 25, I have my whole working life ahead of me, I don't want my life to blighted more than it already is- I have Gross Misconduct on my employment file already which is on there for 12 months (think I binned the documentation also- unfortunately so let's hope she doesn't claim it to be on there for long than is necessary). I was lucky I didn't get fired, I basically got pissed off with the unfair treatment and ranted on social media, the boss found out and I was investigated and handed a final written warning. Most of the strikes are against me already, despite the fact I've been a very loyal hard worker there for 8/9 years.

    Really and truly I want her to get her just desserts.
    I've worked in a really toxic environment too, not as bad as you by the sounds of it, but a horrible situation. When I tried to apply I got turned down from two jobs because my boss refused to reference me. While you could claim slander (or the other one) if she says anything bad which is untrue it sounds like this wont help as she can say you have a final written warning which is a fact and she is perfectly entitled to refuse to reference you. The good news is that you won't need to provide a reference for a lot of jobs until you've been offered the job already, which means you don't really need to 'ask' formally for it. You only know if it's going to be a problem if you try it. If your potential employer comes back to you and says there was a problem then next time you could try and preempt it by offering someone who isn't your boss (e.g. a colleague, uni lecturer, personal ref) and just explaining the situation (obviously not the whole thing!) and hoping for the best. If you apply to lower jobs like shop work you might get away with the bad reference and once you have a more recent one yo don't need to include her again. Alternatively, try and volunteer and use your manager there as a reference. They might query why your employer isn't on your references and you could just say they don't provide references or something.

    You will never 'get your own back' or anything. Unfortunately unless there are people higher up prepared to deal with her behaviour there is nothing you can do from your level. It is horrible but try and focus your energy on getting out.
 
 
 
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