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Is it really that bad to not invite extended family to a wedding?! Watch

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    So my mum is getting married this April and her joint stag/hen night is in March. Tonight on FB, mum commented on a friend's status about their own hen night and then the friend replied to my mum wishing her luck with her own wedding and hen night and my mum said "thanks, looking forward to spending it with close family and friends xx"

    And then 5 mins later our cousin mailed my mum asking why she never got an invite to her wedding or hen night and asked "I thought we were family? On your comment you said spending the night with friends and family on your hen night" And all that jazz. This is a cousin who never visits, never sends out Xmas cards or anything even if you send her one and basically the most communication you get from her is a 'like' on FB, never invites us to any parties or nights out she has etc. Mum told her that only about 20 people are coming to the wedding and only about 10 to the hen night as she wants to keep it small due to money and my stepdad has Parkinson's disease and doesn't like crowds and my cousin knows this. She put mum on the spot and demanded to know why she wasn't invited and mum said since we have so many cousins and extended family, it would be unfair to invite her and not the rest and she couldn't invite them all since she wants to keep it low key and plus we never get an invite to any of their weddings, parties etc and our cousin wrote "yeah OK I accept keeping the wedding small but you could have at least invited me to the hen night, you said you'd be having a hen night with family and I thought that's what we were". and then my wedding got brought up and she made digs about how she wouldn't be invited to that either which true, mine is going to be even more low key than my mum's. It was funny because she kept saying she didn't mind that she wasn't invited yet kept asking why and saying she expected an invite and it was rude of mum not to invite her and if my mum didn't reply to a mail she wrote back saying " take it I'm still not invited?"

    Now all you see from her is "at least I know who my true family is now" statuses. Ffs! I was really angry that she put my mum on the spot like that. No one should have to explain why or not you do or don't invite someone but now she's made my mum feel awful when she bloody shouldn't. Its amazing how many people come crawling out the woodwork when there's a wedding or party coming up, suddenly they all want to know you.

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    She sounds like a ***** tbh. If they were close, yeah, understand her getting upset. But they don't sound close at all so why does she even care? And the petty passive aggressive Facebook status' say it all really, I'd just ignore her.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    She sounds like a ***** tbh. If they were close, yeah, understand her getting upset. But they don't sound close at all so why does she even care? And the petty passive aggressive Facebook status' say it all really, I'd just ignore her.
    Nope, they aren't close at all. They were when they were kids but that was many moons ago. They haven't been close at all during their adult life. Yeah she'll be getting unfriended me thinks

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    Her feelings are hurt obviously if she didn't care there would be no issue.
    It's a blow to the face when your read " looking forward to spending it with close friends and family". Your mom has every right to want who she wants at her wedding but being mad at eachother won't solve anything. Just ignore it and let her look like the ranting fool. But her feeling are hurt.
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    It all depends how close they are, and in the case you've described I'd say it was fine. I think my brother's inviting a hundred or so people to his wedding but he's not inviting cousins (+ wives, kids...) as that would mean he'd only be able to invite a couple of his actual friends. For geographical and age reasons we're not close to our cousins (I missed my cousin's wedding to play my last game of rugby for my school!) so it's just not a big deal. At the end of the day, if this cousin is so unpleasant it's probably best to keep her away from the wedding and hen night anyway!

    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    Nope, they aren't close at all. They were when they were kids but that was many moons ago. They haven't been close at all during their adult life. Yeah she'll be getting unfriended me thinks
    If she's that touchy the 'unfollow' and privacy settings may be a better bet - it sounds like unfriending will only give her more ammunition to whinge about.
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    (Original post by CurlyBen)
    It all depends how close they are, and in the case you've described I'd say it was fine. I think my brother's inviting a hundred or so people to his wedding but he's not inviting cousins (+ wives, kids...) as that would mean he'd only be able to invite a couple of his actual friends. For geographical and age reasons we're not close to our cousins (I missed my cousin's wedding to play my last game of rugby for my school!) so it's just not a big deal. At the end of the day, if this cousin is so unpleasant it's probably best to keep her away from the wedding and hen night anyway!



    If she's that touchy the 'unfollow' and privacy settings may be a better bet - it sounds like unfriending will only give her more ammunition to whinge about.
    Good idea about the unfollow option, never thought of that. Its not the first time she's made sly digs and comments. I went away for the weekend for my anniversary a few weeks ago and before I left for the weekend, I wrote about going away and she wrote "yeah well I work and I still can't afford to or find time to go away for a weekend. Alright for some..." and every post I made while away, which wasn't many, she would write a sarky reply. I think she thinks I'm on benefits or something that's why she was writing those comments because I have all this time off and money in her eyes, jokes on her because I'm not on benefits. I just do a thing called saving she's just not a very person with the vibe she gives off

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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    Good idea about the unfollow option, never thought of that. Its not the first time she's made sly digs and comments. I went away for the weekend for my anniversary a few weeks ago and before I left for the weekend, I wrote about going away and she wrote "yeah well I work and I still can't afford to or find time to go away for a weekend. Alright for some..." and every post I made while away, which wasn't many, she would write a sarky reply. I think she thinks I'm on benefits or something that's why she was writing those comments because I have all this time off and money in her eyes, jokes on her because I'm not on benefits. I just do a thing called saving she's just not a very person with the vibe she gives off

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    You can also change your privacy options so she can't see new posts you write either (I think you might be able to do it just by adding her to the 'restricted' friends list). That way if she asks why she can't see new posts you make you can just say you don't use Facebook much anymore. Normally I'd say just unfriend, but as you presumably will see her in the future it might just be less hassle to leave her as a friend. Sounds like she spends too much time on Facebook anyway!
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    Perhaps given the arguments you describe, you can understand people such as a work colleague who is having a beach wedding with about 10 people there.
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    (Original post by CurlyBen)
    You can also change your privacy options so she can't see new posts you write either (I think you might be able to do it just by adding her to the 'restricted' friends list). That way if she asks why she can't see new posts you make you can just say you don't use Facebook much anymore. Normally I'd say just unfriend, but as you presumably will see her in the future it might just be less hassle to leave her as a friend. Sounds like she spends too much time on Facebook anyway!
    Thanks, I'll play about with FB later and update my privacy settings and put her on a restricted list. Yeah it would be awkward to unfriend her, she would no doubt cause a big fuss and an argument and bring other family members into it. I don't see her often and when I do its by accident but knowing my luck if I deleted her, I would run into her more. You wouldn't think she was 46 by the way she goes on. Would expect that from a 16 year old, not 46!

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    Lol she just mailed my mum again because she found out my partner's aunt is going to the wedding and not her. My partner's aunt is one of my mum's closest friends and has been for years and also one of my stepdads home helps so she is in contact with us all the time, not just when there's a party on the go. Just waiting for the statuses again or for her just to delete us all. Bloody hope she does tbh.

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    Not at all.

    I know my postman better than I know much of my family.

    Just because you are related does not mean they have to be at your wedding.
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    nope there is nothing wrong with it. my mum is getting married in march and only her immediate family and his immediate family are invited
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    That woman sounds awful, unfollow her and ignore I think.
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    This is why I would like to elope if I get married. Family is just too much hassle. I'm sorry she's being like this, Spock's Socks, you and your mum are both entitled to invite whoever you want to your weddings.
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    This is why I would like to elope if I get married. Family is just too much hassle. I'm sorry she's being like this, Spock's Socks, you and your mum are both entitled to invite whoever you want to your weddings.
    (Original post by claireestelle)
    That woman sounds awful, unfollow her and ignore I think.
    (Original post by mkap)
    nope there is nothing wrong with it. my mum is getting married in march and only her immediate family and his immediate family are invited
    Thanks guys, you are all right on what you say. I can't believe its still going on from last night. I wouldn't have the nerve to ask someone why I wasn't invited, let alone keep it going this long! I would only ask if my best friend or mum didn't invite me. I wouldn't expect a cousin who I never bother with to invite me but she clearly did.

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    (Original post by Airmed)
    This is why I would like to elope if I get married. Family is just too much hassle. I'm sorry she's being like this, Spock's Socks, you and your mum are both entitled to invite whoever you want to your weddings.
    PRSOM, great minds think a like, I m planning on eloping for mine
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    Your wedding, your choice. A friend of my sister's got married in Vegas because of stuff like this. Don't think any family were invited. I don't think we were invited to dad's cousins' wedding. (although, because of the distance, we would have declined anyway)
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    There's nothing wrong with only inviting the people that you actually want there to your wedding. It's ridiculous how the cousin is behaving!
    It's always the case with weddings that you upset somebody. I did at my wedding and recently my friend did at her wedding.
    My husband has 57 cousins/second cousins on his mum and dads side. We couldn't afford to invite them all, so we invited his closest cousins, and soon enough they were all popping up complaining when he hadn't spoken to them in years.
    If I could go back in time I would invite parents, siblings, grandparents, closest friends and that would be it!
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    PRSOM, great minds think a like, I m planning on eloping for mine
    That's another reason why I'm going to Gretna instead of just having our wedding in our hometown, its too far away for most family members to travel to so only very close immediate friends and family can make it and there's none of this "why didn't I get invited crap" or at least not as much lol

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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    PRSOM, great minds think a like, I m planning on eloping for mine
    It's the best plan methinks.
 
 
 
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