Is it really that bad to not invite extended family to a wedding?!

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I've got such a large immediate family so won't be inviting aunts/uncles/cousins etc.

It's your day so invite who you want.

Reply 61

Amonute

Original post by Spock's Socks

So my mum is getting married this April and her joint stag/hen night is in March. Tonight on FB, mum commented on a friend's status about their own hen night and then the friend replied to my mum wishing her luck with her own wedding and hen night and my mum said "thanks, looking forward to spending it with close family and friends :smile:

xx"

And then 5 mins later our cousin mailed my mum asking why she never got an invite to her wedding or hen night and asked "I thought we were family? On your comment you said spending the night with friends and family on your hen night" And all that jazz. This is a cousin who never visits, never sends out Xmas cards or anything even if you send her one and basically the most communication you get from her is a 'like' on FB, never invites us to any parties or nights out she has etc. Mum told her that only about 20 people are coming to the wedding and only about 10 to the hen night as she wants to keep it small due to money and my stepdad has Parkinson's disease and doesn't like crowds and my cousin knows this. She put mum on the spot and demanded to know why she wasn't invited and mum said since we have so many cousins and extended family, it would be unfair to invite her and not the rest and she couldn't invite them all since she wants to keep it low key and plus we never get an invite to any of their weddings, parties etc and our cousin wrote "yeah OK I accept keeping the wedding small but you could have at least invited me to the hen night, you said you'd be having a hen night with family and I thought that's what we were". and then my wedding got brought up and she made digs about how she wouldn't be invited to that either which true, mine is going to be even more low key than my mum's. It was funny because she kept saying she didn't mind that she wasn't invited yet kept asking why and saying she expected an invite and it was rude of mum not to invite her and if my mum didn't reply to a mail she wrote back saying " take it I'm still not invited?"

Now all you see from her is "at least I know who my true family is now" statuses. Ffs! I was really angry that she put my mum on the spot like that. No one should have to explain why or not you do or don't invite someone but now she's made my mum feel awful when she bloody shouldn't. Its amazing how many people come crawling out the woodwork when there's a wedding or party coming up, suddenly they all want to know you.

Your mother can invite whoever she wants to her wedding. I think it is understandable that you only want people you are close with and actually love them for who they are, not just because you share blood and are supposed to be invited.

She probably already bought a super expensive dress for the wedding and realised that she is not going anywhere :wink:

Reply 62

Rum Ham

Original post by Amonute

You know what, I wouldn't be surprised if she did already have a dress in for the wedding! :tongue:

wouldn't be surprised if she sent my mum the receipt for it and asked for her to give her the money for it too lol.

Reply 63

Amonute

Original post by Spock's Socks

You know what, I wouldn't be surprised if she did already have a dress in for the wedding! :tongue:

wouldn't be surprised if she sent my mum the receipt for it and asked for her to give her the money for it too lol.

That would actually be quite funny. Don't pay for it tho, of course :borat:

Reply 64

Gavin2016

Weddings are often better as small scale close affairs I think, no need for a large one. My sister's second marriage was this way and it worked better than the first which was large scale. Just having immediate family and maybe the odd real close friend is makes it more of a personal affair, less stressful and burdensome - something the couple getting married can enjoy more and relax. Big weddings often entail, expense, relatives that hardly bother with you and friends that you may not see again in the future and becomes more of a kind of state occasion than an occasion for the married couple and their immediate family. That and the cost of a large wedding is something many can do without in reality, and yes you get those that just turn up for the free feed also.

Reply 65

ChancedTravels

I've had this same problem with my own wedding. A lot of extended family have essentially 'invited themselves' and made it too awkward for us to not invite them now. Wouldn't mind so much only its going to cost an arm and a leg to cater for them all...

Reply 66

Rum Ham

So much hassle. I'm dreading when it comes to writing out my invites for my own wedding because it's literally just my mum, stepdad and grandparent's plus my partners dad and stepmum that is coming to our wedding and maybe one close friend if she can make it up from England. No other extended family, even those we get on with will be invited because we want to keep it small and my partner isn't really into big weddings and all that jazz. I'm starting to think I just won't tell people about the wedding until after it's happened after seeing all the trouble my mum has had with hers.

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Reply 67

Akarim11

Weddings should be intimate and shared with people that you are close to and who you love. It's what makes it special.

Your cousin shouldn't have felt offended. This is going to be the happiest day for your mum. They should've put their feelings aside, painted a smile on their face and wished her well. Not ambush her on fb with their statues and comments.

Reply 68

MrsSheldonCooper

It's your Mum's big day so she gets to have the say on who gets invited.

The cousin sounds so bitchy. Ignore her :smile:

Reply 69

Akarim11

Original post by ChancedTravels

Omg I would get so annoyed if anyone invited themselves to my wedding lol. What did you do?

I'm actually scared about my wedding. I want it to be small and intimate with a few of my family members and good friends, however, I'm afraid my parents have their own little agenda which is gunna annoy me lol. Esp coming from a big family, so scared lol I don't want random people that I've never met at my wedding lol

Reply 70

ChancedTravels

Original post by AthiaKarim

Just didn't really say anything.. They are other half's family and we were at a funeral when they were all asking when they would receive invitations, so couldn't really say 'you won't be' !

Reply 71

Akarim11

Original post by ChancedTravels

Just didn't really say anything.. They are other half's family and we were at a funeral when they were all asking when they would receive invitations, so couldn't really say 'you won't be' !

Oh I see lol. When they were at your wedding, did you seem bothered, did it annoy or affect you? Or were you just happy that it was your wedding?

Reply 72

doodle_333

she's being a stroppy child about it... I would just ignore her and leave her to it

I have a fairly large extended family and several have got married in recent years and I haven't been invited, it doesn't bother me as I know that by the time you've invited 20 cousins and their +1 as well as the several second cousins, that's an awful lot of people and money... a couple of more well off people have essentially invited everyone but generally it's parents and siblings only, there's also been a couple where some closer cousins have been invited and not others, again totally understand that if I haven't seen them in 3 years I probably won't be invited to the wedding!

at the end of the day it's your mums wedding and she can do what she likes

Reply 73

Katarvi

My sister has had this exact same problem with her wedding.She's getting married in Italy in April and they're keeping it small cause funds and stuff (45 guests overall) and my aunt and uncle aren't invited. They never send cards or presents or ever visit or call my sister, they aren't and have never been close and they never invite her to any of their events. But apparently my sister is "looking down" on them by not inviting them and my nan has refused to go because my aunt and uncle aren't invited. It's so stressful and pointless. Your mum and you should do what you want to do, it's your day(s)! It's no great loss tbh, if they wanna act like childish fools all the better to have them out of your life. True family would understand.

Reply 74

z33

shes behaving like a 5 year old wth
dont invite her
your mum should be like "no sorry you're still not invited"

Reply 75

IfOnlyItWereEasy

Oh gosh. She's being ridiculous.

My mother got married to my step-dad in 2012 and do you know how many people were at the cermony? 5.

The bride, the groom, me, my brother, and Jim some random taxi driver.

My mum didn't tell me she was getting married until I was on the train to London for a holiday. I was one of the witnesses, but my brother wasn't 16 yet (otherwise it'd have been 4 people) so we went around asking random people if they'd mind being the second witness.

Thankfully this really lovely taxi driver said of course he would.

So yeah :tongue:

Reply 76

Rum Ham

Original post by z33

shes behaving like a 5 year old wth
dont invite her
your mum should be like "no sorry you're still not invited"

Lol she did when my cousin mailed my mum back after my mum started ignoring her xD she really can't take no for an answer. I wouldn't be surprised if she gate crashes the hen night tbh

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