The Student Room Group

Dating Etiquette...especially the FIRST one!!

Hello everyone,

I was just wondering (being a bit new to this dating thing, curious and feeling one imminent :s-smilie: :p: ):

How does TSR behave on dates?

Do you act really formally? Or just as you would going out with friends...

As a girl, do you offer to pay for anything (meal, tickets) or let your date do it/offer? Do you prefer to go halves?

How does a first date differ to other first dates if you know the person?

How made up do you TSR ladies (and gents too) get? I know obviously this depends on where you are going and what you are going to do but any ideas on this would help.

What makes a good date? The person or the "date" itself?

How does a date differ from meeting up and spending time together? Is a date a date because it is so called? (I'm curious :p: )

How far is too far in terms of crossing the physical barrier in reference to a FIRST date? I suppose essentially sex is the furthest you can go...

Is it appropriate to bring the person a small gift?

How soon after the first date do you tend to make the next?

Do you "date" several people at once then go "exclusive" or stick to regularly dating one person?

Any other hints or tips which might help a novice dater or to add dating ideas for places to go and things to do? I hope this helps other people too :smile:. I'm just generally curious as to people's views on dating and whether it should really be taken seriously...

Thanks

:smile:

(sorry if that made no sense)

Edit: I just wanted to add another question...

Do you think Americans take dating and the whole 'dating' scene more seriously than the British? Or is it just that Britain does it differently?

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Reply 1
How does TSR behave on dates?

We behave normally I hope (apart from Yoda:p:)

Do you act really formally? Or just as you would going out with friends...

Well not formally as you would with someones parents, but I doubt fart jokes would go down too well... relax generally...

As a girl, do you offer to pay for anything (meal, tickets) or let your date do it/offer? Do you prefer to go halves?

I prefer to go halves however if they turn down your offer more than twice it's their call :wink:

How does a first date differ to other first dates if you know the person?


I'd associate a first date with a new person to be more interesting and possibly uncomfortable. With someone you know you can be at ease, talk about things that have happened in the past and generally reminise

How made up do you TSR ladies (and gents too) get? I know obviously this depends on where you are going and what you are going to do but any ideas on this would help.


Look so hot that when you walk in the room he'll do a double take!!

What makes a good date? The person or the "date" itself?

The person, if you enjoy their company and have a good time you will want to meet up more, if however the film/meal/venue was great but you had a hard time trying not to strangle them - bad date

How far is too far in terms of crossing the physical barrier in reference to a FIRST date? I suppose essentially sex is the furthest you can go...

However far you are comfortable with /typical H&R response

Is it appropriate to bring the person a small gift?

I'd say no, unless you know them well.

How soon after the first date do you tend to make the next?

Depends on how well it went and what both of you are looking for...

Do you "date" several people at once then go "exclusive" or stick to regularly dating one person?


Again depends on the person, I have never been the type to be pulling alot of men at once :wink:

Any other hints or tips which might help a novice dater or to add dating ideas for places to go and things to do? I hope this helps other people too :smile:. I'm just generally curious as to people's views on dating and whether it should really be taken seriously...


Not a movie, somewhere to talk but not too posh. Relax. Brush your teeth and don't have the garlic mushrooms! Oh and take condoms :hubba:
Reply 2
How does TSR behave on dates?
Yoda looks to enjoy himself.
Do you act really formally? Or just as you would going out with friends...
It is not a job interview, yoda would act as though going out with friends. Be playful, you're trying to be fun.
As a girl, do you offer to pay for anything (meal, tickets) or let your date do it/offer? Do you prefer to go halves?
If yoda were a girl, he would let the guy pay for it all. However he tries to get the girl paying anyway. Generally yoda shall suggest to offer splitting the costs unless its something cheap. You do not need to split the cost of a mars bar.
How does a first date differ to other first dates if you know the person?
The first date is generally getting comfortable and seeing if you fit well. If you know the person already, it may be a little more like the second date. But if this is your first ever date, you do not need to know this. Just set out to have fun.
How made up do you TSR ladies (and gents too) get? I know obviously this depends on where you are going and what you are going to do but any ideas on this would help.
Yoda does not. However, he prefers his female companions do dress up. This is not formal, just your favorite/shortest casual clothes. Like a party. Let us remember that males enjoy visual stimulation.
What makes a good date? The person or the "date" itself?
Enjoying yourself. If you are trying to impress this will be evident. The mood will be tense. Again, you are there to enjoy yourself, it is a bonus if he does too.
How does a date differ from meeting up and spending time together? Is a date a date because it is so called? (I'm curious :p: )
Yoda generally does not differentiate. This is because all females wish to date yoda. Dates should generally be quite playful, you're there to enjoy yourself.
How far is too far in terms of crossing the physical barrier in reference to a FIRST date? I suppose essentially sex is the furthest you can go...
As far as you like.
Is it appropriate to bring the person a small gift?
Yoda would enjoy a large box of chocolates. Then return after he has finished them for the date. However generally for the first date you must just bring yourself. Your clothes if you must too. All would see the desperation bringing a gift on the first date.
How soon after the first date do you tend to make the next?
However soon you like. Preferably not the next day. Yoda usually suggests his friends wait about a week. Yoda may take two, however any more may begin to be problematic.
Do you "date" several people at once then go "exclusive" or stick to regularly dating one person?
Often people stick to reguarly dating one person. However yoda does not see problems with meeting many people, then going exclusive. Yoda does not suggest telling the other dates about each other, however it should not be too frowned upon.
Any other hints or tips which might help a novice dater or to add dating ideas for places to go and things to do? I hope this helps other people too :smile:. I'm just generally curious as to people's views on dating and whether it should really be taken seriously...
Being female you can just follow. Yoda shall, once again, emphasize enjoying yourself. Post up/PM any more questions or thoughts.
Reply 3
JustJam2006
Do you act really formally? Or just as you would going out with friends...


Well, I'd make more of a point of holding doors open etc, but I wouldn't really say it's particularly formal really. Just the standard social rules and then try to be friendly.

How made up do you TSR ladies (and gents too) get? I know obviously this depends on where you are going and what you are going to do but any ideas on this would help.


I'm usually pretty well dressed anyway, so I suppose I'm not the greatest measure on this. I don't wear my uni hoodie along to it anyway...

As a girl, do you offer to pay for anything (meal, tickets) or let your date do it/offer? Do you prefer to go halves?


Heavens no. The most I think you can reasonably pay for is maybe a round of drinks.

I suppose I'm quite old fashioned though - I'm assuming people are like me and that it's always the man who does the inviting, I suppose that might not always be true. In these cases, I'm afraid I don't have any insight. The modern world and I don't really see eye-to-eye.

What makes a good date? The person or the "date" itself?


Person. The idea is to get interesting conversation going. Even an incredible meal etc would be a bit crap if you ended up talking to a complete bore.

How does a date differ from meeting up and spending time together? Is a date a date because it is so called? (I'm curious :p: )


I'd say a date is arrange in advance and generally involves something a bit more than just drinks or meeting, but some sort of event: such as dinner or the like.

How far is too far in terms of crossing the physical barrier in reference to a FIRST date? I suppose essentially sex is the furthest you can go...


Blimey. Well, I don't really have a pre-set barrier as such. But I certainly wouldn't go along with expectations of anything sexual.

Is it appropriate to bring the person a small gift?


Hmm... never done that or had it done. I'd only really bring a gift if I was going over to somebody's house. Plus there's the practical concern: they'd have to cart it around for the duration of the date.

How soon after the first date do you tend to make the next?


Four or five days before I usually get around to scheduling something.

Do you "date" several people at once then go "exclusive" or stick to regularly dating one person?


Well, I wouldn't really go out again with somebody I didn't feel somehow connected to - and if I did, I wouldn't really bother organising something with somebody else.

But yes, I don't do proper dates very often. Most of the girls I meet tend to be through friends etc, and by the time I know them quite well from groups it's already progressed passed that stage really.

Any other hints or tips which might help a novice dater or to add dating ideas for places to go and things to do? I hope this helps other people too :smile:. I'm just generally curious as to people's views on dating and whether it should really be taken seriously...


Never go to an Indian restaurant and make sure to clean behind your ears.
Reply 4
Yoda is a cock
Reply 5
Andersson
Yoda is a cock


However he is amazingly good looking and may get away with such things.
Reply 6
Yoda
If yoda were a girl, he would let the guy pay for it all. However he tries to get the girl paying anyway. Generally yoda shall suggest to offer splitting the costs unless its something cheap. You do not need to split the cost of a mars bar.

Suave.

Being female you can just follow.


Yoda, despite being essentially a bit weird, has a point here. If you're invited on a date, then it's really down to the inviter to "host" - make you feel comfortable, take you places and so forth. As the invitee, your job is to offer conversation and not show yourself up in public (soiling yourself or mispronouncing things from the wine list are generally frowned up for example). That's about it.
Reply 7
Yoda
However he is amazingly good looking and may get away with such things.


Yes, he may get away with such things, but it still doesnt change the fact that yoda is still a cock
Reply 8
How does TSR behave on dates?
Like a computer server would.
Do you act really formally? Or just as you would going out with friends...
As with mates. Flirtatios and fun.
As a girl, do you offer to pay for anything (meal, tickets) or let your date do it/offer? Do you prefer to go halves?
I'll be paying thank you.
How does a first date differ to other first dates if you know the person?
Tension factor. Also, nerves etc.
How made up do you TSR ladies (and gents too) get? I know obviously this depends on where you are going and what you are going to do but any ideas on this would help.
Decent going out wear. Look as fantastic as possible. Not too little, not too much.
What makes a good date? The person or the "date" itself?
Person
How does a date differ from meeting up and spending time together? Is a date a date because it is so called? (I'm curious )
Date tis but a word. But its generally more formal.
How far is too far in terms of crossing the physical barrier in reference to a FIRST date? I suppose essentially sex is the furthest you can go...
As far as you like.
Is it appropriate to bring the person a small gift?
No
How soon after the first date do you tend to make the next?
Whatever rocks.
Do you "date" several people at once then go "exclusive" or stick to regularly dating one person?
One person. I wouldn't be happy if my date was dating several others.
Any other hints or tips which might help a novice dater or to add dating ideas for places to go and things to do? I hope this helps other people too . I'm just generally curious as to people's views on dating and whether it should really be taken seriously...
Don't be too serious and have fun. Turning up in a Tractor/4x4 is always a winner. Or is that me?

Oh, and yes, I used to take my ex out on dates in a muddy defender. She loved it, strangely.

Minardi
Reply 9
Minardi is also amused by Yoda's musings. Minardi is chuckling.
Reply 10
I can't claim to be massively experienced, and not many people I know actually go on *dates* but anyway...

How does TSR behave on dates?

Do you act really formally? Or just as you would going out with friends...
If I don't know him at all, I'd be polite, perhaps slightly more so than with my friends (who I spend a lot of time insulting). I'd try to steer clear of blatant piss-taking etc, unless it seemed like it would fit in. Depending on where we were going I'd behave appropriately. But still be approachable enough that we could have fun!

As a girl, do you offer to pay for anything (meal, tickets) or let your date do it/offer? Do you prefer to go halves?
I always offer to split the bill early on; it would be rude for me not to. If he insists, I'll let him pay, but they'd have to insist quite hard. Mostly I prefer going halves, but if they have more expensive tastes than I do, I'll let them pay for them!

How does a first date differ to other first dates if you know the person?
Don't know, never been in this situation. The only friend I've briefly been out with, I never went on "dates" with.

How made up do you TSR ladies (and gents too) get? I know obviously this depends on where you are going and what you are going to do but any ideas on this would help.
Dress depends on where we're going - if it's for dinner then a skirt and nice top; if to the cinema or something then jeans and a less formal top (but not a t-shirt/hoody combination! I'm crap at makeup so I'm not the person to ask. I'd put on a bit.

What makes a good date? The person or the "date" itself?
Both, but more importantly the person. If the food/film/weather is crap, at least you can bitch about it together; if the company is crap, you're on your own! It's much more important to have a good time getting to know the person than to have a really intricate, extravagant evening planned.

How does a date differ from meeting up and spending time together? Is a date a date because it is so called? (I'm curious )
Hmmm. Dates, to me, would be meeting up on your own (i.e. not in a group of friends) and not at either of your homes. I don't know why they have that name, and I rarely use it, cos I think it's rather American. Spending time together at home can be just as nice and fun, but I think it might be too cosy early on in a relationship.

How far is too far in terms of crossing the physical barrier in reference to a FIRST date? I suppose essentially sex is the furthest you can go...
Totally depends on both people and the situation. I've never done "conventional" dating (get someone's number, arrange to go out to get to know them more) - everyone I've ever dated I've already at least kissed. This makes me sound much more whorish than I actually am! :angel: But really, do what you feel happy with.

Is it appropriate to bring the person a small gift?
I wouldn't. It might seem a bit over-keen, and if it's a crap gift I'd find it more offputting than no gift at all. Even flowers can be annoying if you have to carry them round all evening.

How soon after the first date do you tend to make the next?
I would say 4-7 days, circumstances permitting.

Do you "date" several people at once then go "exclusive" or stick to regularly dating one person?
Never really had the opportunity to try! :wink: But I'd stick to one person probably.

Any other hints or tips which might help a novice dater or to add dating ideas for places to go and things to do?
Don't worry about it! Don't try too hard to impress, just go out, be yourself and get to know the other person. Even if it's not perfect, just laugh about the mistakes together and it'll be fine.
Reply 11
Andersson
Yes, he may get away with such things, but it still doesnt change the fact that yoda is still a cock


Perhaps andersson has not seen yoda's picture, and does not know quite how good looking yoda is.

However, let us discuss first dates. We may continue the discussion of yoda's brilliance over PM. Does andersson have any advice to add?
Reply 12
Lib North


Blimey. Well, I don't really have a pre-set barrier as such. But I certainly wouldn't go along with expectations of anything sexual...

Never go to an Indian restaurant and make sure to clean behind your ears.


Maybe I should have phrased that 'barrier' question slightly differently. I mean depending on how good things are going, just in the knowledge that it is a first date for example, would you be like kissing/ cuddling is as far as I'm going to go (in your head :p: ) Quite a few of you so far have said "As far as you like", that's quite interesting...would your answers be the same if it were someone you had only just met?

Thank you for all your replies thus far; very interesting, entertaining and insightful:smile:

Never? :wink:
Reply 13

Do you act really formally? Or just as you would going out with friends...
Normal but more flirty
As a girl, do you offer to pay for anything (meal, tickets) or let your date do it/offer? Do you prefer to go halves?The first date if it is a meal or something big, i would offer half, though i would expect him to refuse, i think man asks out girl he should pay, then i would pay for the 2nd date, after that i think halves unless special occassion.
if it is small i try to pay for us both, this is because most guys think if they spend money on a girl they are paying for their body. many men are surprised by my willingness to pay but men think the amount they spend is directly proportionate to the amount of groping you must permit. i advise you to follow my suite.

How does a first date differ to other first dates if you know the person?if you dont know them it is much more fake with weird questions and awkward fake niceness liek 'so what do you do' kind of meaningless small talk. if you know the person well as friends first it is hard to distinguish it from meeting up as mates unles other stuff happens or you go deep and talk about 'us'
How made up do you TSR ladies (and gents too) get? I know obviously this depends on where you are going and what you are going to do but any ideas on this would help.i wear the most gorgeous makeup and hair so i look really good in the face. however i do not wear anything revealing. i would advise tall heels and anything that fits well, but nothing low cut or short. if your face is perfect and your clothes are nice colours and fabrics that should be enough. no flesh.

What makes a good date? The person or the "date" itself?the person, though one can make up for the other. eg a nice meal and a good film is still nice even if you dont fancy the person it is like meeting ur mates. but if you adore the person then you can go anywhere and be happy
How does a date differ from meeting up and spending time together? Is a date a date because it is so called? (I'm curious :p: )for me, it doesnt though regularly going out alone with the same person eventually implies mutual attraction, sex and expectation of monogamy
How far is too far in terms of crossing the physical barrier in reference to a FIRST date?
i let a guy kiss me on the cheek only and nothing else but this is because i would not feel comfortable doing more. if however i was already very close friends with the guy i might kiss him on the mouth. but no feely and no willy-business. not on the first date, if you expect a relationship.
Is it appropriate to bring the person a small gift? not normally. the guy has in the past brought me a flowerr or rose or a SMALL box of chocs but only do so IF APPROPRIATE. the girl should not bring anythng. however if you are friends witht the guy already you/he may bring something IF APPROPRIATE- context is everything
How soon after the first date do you tend to make the next? the guy makes the next for me, and will usually call me the same evening to see i got home ok. we usually make it for a week later. sooner would not generally be appropriate. again if you are firends first this may be different but if you are together too much it becomes too intense and weird. call after 3 days
Do you "date" several people at once then go "exclusive" or stick to regularly dating one person?i date several if i am still getting to know the guy until my one says we should be exclusive. i dont date several if i have no desire to see others. it is up to you but do not expect him to be exclusive unless you are sleeping together.
Any other hints or tips which might help a novice dater or to add dating ideas for places to go and things to do? I hope this helps other people too :smile:. I'm just generally curious as to people's views on dating and whether it should really be taken seriously...1st date - coffee/drink in quiet bar to talk
2nd-meal/film/both
3rd-any. i generally let the guy lead and just follow his suggestions


dating is essentially men paying for time and sex of a woman. this is the distinction between dating and friends. make use of this as you will...
Reply 14
I guess it really depends on you and your date. Every date is different, so try not to worry too much and go with the flow. It should be fun, not something to stress over.

Do you act really formally? Or just as you would going out with friends...

It kind of depends on the situation. If you're at a posh restaurant, act according to the surroundings. I guess, act as you normally would in the place you're in. I wouldn't be really formal, though. Have fun.

As a girl, do you offer to pay for anything (meal, tickets) or let your date do it/offer? Do you prefer to go halves?

I'd let my date offer, but I'd feel really uncomfortable letting them actually pay. Mealswise, I'd split it. If I was at a bar, I'd pay for my drinks, If I was at the cinema I'd pay for my ticket etc etc. I shouldn't get things free just because I happen to be female. It just feels odd.

How does a first date differ to other first dates if you know the person?
I suppose it's a bit easier if you know the person; you know shared interests etc.

How made up do you TSR ladies (and gents too) get? I know obviously this depends on where you are going and what you are going to do but any ideas on this would help.

You're right, it totally depends. But I'd never get TOO made up, just because it's so obviously fake. Use some to highlight your best features, you want to look good and feel confident, but don't trowel it on.

What makes a good date? The person or the "date" itself?

The person. You could be at, say, the most amazing restaurant and have a completely sucky time, because the person isn't on your wavelength.

How does a date differ from meeting up and spending time together? Is a date a date because it is so called? (I'm curious )

I'm not completely sure! I'd like to know too :p:

How far is too far in terms of crossing the physical barrier in reference to a FIRST date? I suppose essentially sex is the furthest you can go...

Totally up to you and how comfortable you feel.

Is it appropriate to bring the person a small gift?

I would say no, but I don't know why. It's just a gut feeling. But if you think you'd like to, go for it, no one's going to say no to a present! Only do it if you have something you think they'll appreciate though (I mean if you happen to see something and think 'that is totally so-and-so)...don't get a gift because you feel it's the done thing. I don't think it really is.

How soon after the first date do you tend to make the next?

Go with the flow, and see how everything goes. Don't play mind games though, it's ridiculous!

Do you "date" several people at once then go "exclusive" or stick to regularly dating one person?

Again, this one's up to you!
Reply 15
Andersson
Yes, he may get away with such things, but it still doesnt change the fact that yoda is still a cock


i thought his advice was actually quite reasonable to the OP.
Reply 16
Yoda
Perhaps andersson has not seen yoda's picture, and does not know quite how good looking yoda is.

However, let us discuss first dates. We may continue the discussion of yoda's brilliance over PM. Does andersson have any advice to add?


No, I do not want to see Yodas picture.

And my advice..well, stop worrying and asking questions and experience it yourself. It is called learning. Do what comes naturally and spontaneously - it will help you prevent becoming a cock like Yoda.
Reply 17
Oh, the other thing about paying for stuff - if a guy offered to buy me a drink, I'd accept, but return the favour later - it saves time at the bar and is easier all round! For dinner I'd split costs; most other things I'd pay for myself. You should never feel (as shinytoy suggested) that he's paying for your time/sex/anything. Dates are meant to be mutually beneficial; we've moved out of the 19th century.

Oh, and in terms of clothes I wouldn't wear anything TOO revealing, but a little hint can't hurt. A reasonable length skirt (which shows a bit of leg, but not your bum!) or a top that hints at cleavage but doesn't flaunt it in your face is ok, but don't dress like you're about to go clubbing or anything!
Reply 18
i agree. i think have confidence in yourself dont get stressed about it and just act normal. it isnt a big deal. and you can analyse the meaning of the dtae in detail with your girlmates after. for hours.
Reply 19
shinytoy
i thought his advice was actually quite reasonable to the OP.


Didnt you see his post properly? Look again.