This is going to be quite a long message but it needs explaining so people can understand the context of it, so thank you in advance if you read to the end.
I am a 27 year old mature undergraduate student in my second year of study and at the start of my second year (September) I moved into a new house with three post graduates (2 younger than myself, and one one year older). I found it a bit difficult to get on with them, they seemed nice, were polite and friendly, but didn’t seem very interested in me. I didn’t really mind too much about this as I assumed they’re just maybe introverted people. I did try to get us to go out as a flat, many times and they just apologised and said they’re busy. In January one of them left and another moved in, and instantly one of the other house mates seemed to get on with him, and spend much more time than they ever bothered with me. The new flat mate is quite honest, very polite and extroverted – and confident.
Firstly, it hurts a bit that suddenly he seems to be more accepted than me. Though never any hostility has been shown, it just makes me compare myself to my new flat mate (even though he’s 3 years younger than myself). I find myself wishing I had more ease of talking, more ‘fun’ (I assume he’s more fun than me) etc. His girlfriend dumped him within a week after moving in, and within a month he had found someone else. It seemed so effortless for him – yet for me it literally takes 2-3 years each time for someone to show up in my life.
I feel at the age of 27 I shouldn’t have such insecurities, and also feel that if I have them now, they’re bound to stick around as most peoples personalities are ‘set’ by that age, which depresses me. Today it has upset me so much that I’ve had to go for a drive, so I’ve driven just anywhere. I am actually writing this sitting in my car in a random village and 10.30pm!
I’m just feeling quite low. I am wishing I had qualities that i don’t have. I have a girlfriend, and I always try to be my ‘best’ for her, and I then also think thoughts like ‘’If i was more like my flat mate, my girlfriend would like me more”... Any advice, support, or encouragement would be lovely to read, and thank you if you’ve read this far!
27 year old feeling insecure Watch
- Thread Starter
- 14-02-2016 10:33
- 14-02-2016 12:41
Aw this is pretty upsetting actually and a great shame that you feel so insecure and lacking in self confidence. I know it's easier said than done but you need to focus on yourself from here on. Be and do what you want to do and take note and pat yourself on the back/celebrate your personal achievements. Don't compare. They may have their own issues that they keep quiet about, whilst it doesn't matter whether they do or don't have problems of their own, nobodies perfect... Why the heck should you have to be. If you're trying your best and moving forward/towards goals of your choice and trying to live a life that leaves you happy and contented i.e. Doing things you enjoy and that you're good at then you won't need to worry that the next guy seems to have it all because you'll know that for yourself and the people you care about you're trying your best. Of course there will be ups and downs but that's life (as long as you know not to take too much **** from people). Consider looking about and asking mates you may have made from your course or badminton etc what they're doing next year and see if anyone you like would consider looking into sharing accommodation next year. At least that way you know you're doing something about the feeling left out thing.
- Thread Starter
- 14-02-2016 13:01
Thanks for the reply. Yes, I wish I had more confidence, it's something I've struggled with always, but it has improved. I guess judging against people who have more is something to avoid, it's just difficult. I don't want to move from this flat as it is an extremely good deal price wise, and also location. One of the big stresses about it all is my girlfriend. I just wish I were more like someone else so that I could make her happier! But she's never expressed any unhappiness with me, I realise it's all in my head, but still.
- 14-02-2016 16:22
this is sad to read tbh. i feel as if tho, everyone at a life stage in their own life will have insecurities, and i feel as if tho, having them now will shape them ito the person that u will be. i have some advice:
i think u shouldn't compare urself to other bc that's what's making u feel down and depressed, instead look at the things u have, a girlfriend, ur gonna be successful real soon.
work on urself, idk if u have heard of the term 'glo'up' but i feel its necessary for u to do this, for urself. so, it basically means to transform and just become a better person. so u will transform - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. and i think mentally & emotionally is vital for u. once u have changed into a complete different person, and u feel better about urself, u wont care about other people.
use something to help u vent, use a book, or just write all ur emotions down, it will help.
also instead of comparing urself to others, or feeling down, try and take ur mind of things, go out with ur girlfriend, do ur work, but not to the point that u bottle everything up.
it shouldn't matter if u aint a 'fun' person, bc sometimes the majority of ppl aren't. DO YOU. BE YOURSELF HUNNY.
wishing u the best with everything, if u need advice or anything pm me.
have a lovely day. xx