The Student Room Group

Friends

In school I had a really great group of friends, there were five of us in total, three guys and two girls. During our last few months of school, we all became quite close. Myself and one of the guys started dating, which was awkward at first because one of the other guys, lets call him X liked me too. He took it really well despite the fact my boyfriend knew how he felt and went out with me anyway.

We left school, things were great for a while but now our little group is slowly but surely breaking up. The other girl is no longer liked by any of us, and X is now kicking up a fuss whenever he can. All this happened over a year ago, it really shouldn't be an issue but X was always great with my boyfriend and I, now he is a complete pain in the arse. I know i'm being rude, but it's true.

My boyfriend and I have become incredibly close over the last year, of course we have but X doesn't seem to realise this. My boyfriend see's him when he can which can sometimes be difficult with college and work, it doesn't help that X works full time either. He does his best and even though we see each other around twice a week, I try to encourage my boyfriend to give up one of those days to spend time with him because I believe he feels a bit left out now that everyone has moved onto higher education and made new groups of friends. He is the only one that works full time and is clinging on to whatever friendships he had, friendships that clearly aren't working anymore.

He's starting to be rude about me though, despite us being great friends for quite a while. Whenever my boyfriend refuses to go out he gets the whole "That's because you're seeing Louise AGAIN" or "You seeing that girlfriend of yours?". I mean, i'm not just his girlfriend, i'm an individual who X used to be very good friends with. I don't really understand why he has changed towards me, i've not done anything. Okay, that's not a great example but it's the reason that i've made this thread so I thought I would use it. This was said around five minutes ago and it really annoyed me.

It's really starting to upset me, I thought we were better friends than that but obviously not. Is it worth mentioning this to him and trying to find out what his problem is? Like i've said, I can only encourage my boyfriend to see him more often, I can't physically make him do it. X's attitude is completely putting my boyfriend off seeing him but over and over again, I get the blame. Is it something I should try and sort out or should I just leave things well alone? His feelings towards me have quite clearly changed over the past couple of months, is it really worth trying to get back our friendship?

Anyone with any opinions would be great. I just don't really understand how things could change so much over absolutely nothing. It's not my fault that X works every day therefore he doesn't get to see my boyfriend. When X is off, my boyfriend is working but somehow, that's my fault. I know I should probably move on but I really thought we were friends, I didn't think he would turn on me. Any thoughts?

Edit: I actually feel quite silly asking for advice, because I know what I would say to someone who was in my position but for some reason, I think I just really need to hear it from someone else.
Reply 1
That is a toughie. Especially what with you guys all being friends before you and your boyfriend got together.

My boyfriend had a couple of friends (before he met me this is) who he was very close to and who were, dare I say it, a bit clingy. I got together with my boyfriend in his 3rd year of uni, so subsequently these 2 friends have both moved away after graduating. But they still expected things to be exactly the same. They refused to come and stay here, because of me, and moaned when my boyfriend said he couldn't come and visit them because he was working. :rolleyes: I tried to encourage him to see them more often because I knew they thought it was my fault for breaking up their little group, but there's only so much you can do. I think, sadly, he has now pretty much given up. I know he doesn't blame me though.

I guess the only thing you can do is what you are doing. It is your boyfriend's decision at the end of the day. If person X is going to blame you, that's his decision. :frown:
just forget about him, he needs to get a grip. It's not ideal when you're mate gets a girlfriend and you are still single especially if you fancied the girl but it's no reason to act like a 10 year old either.
Reply 3
He's not been the same since his relationship broke up. He dated a girl for around three months and saw her about two or three times due to work and her being at uni. He is a changed person, he is completely bitter about the break up and this is when he started on me. I suppose, he has to watch his friend be with someone else, something that he doesn't have anymore. He needs to listen to his friend talk about his girlfriend, it must be horrible but he still blames me for them seeing each other less. I just feel I get in the way and i'm a bit sick of it. It annoys me that i'm the one that encourages my boyfriend and him to spend more time together rather than less.

I suppose I know there is nothing much I can do, but i'm that way that I hate giving up on people, people that I think or used to think a lot of. I know he isn't usually this miserable, bitter person who causes trouble but I don't see him going back to normal anytime soon. Losing me as a friend is one thing but I would hate from him to lose anyone else.
He was probably your friend because he liked you.
Louise88
He's not been the same since his relationship broke up. He dated a girl for around three months and saw her about two or three times due to work and her being at uni. He is a changed person, he is completely bitter about the break up and this is when he started on me.

it's not your fault is it
Reply 6
No, it isn't my fault, that's why i'm so annoyed. I've done absolutely nothing to him, I would never do anything to hurt him. It's just really frustrating how someone can change so much towards you over nothing. I mean, maybe he has his reasons but I don't know what they are since we speak to each other and see each other very rarely.

I'll leave him to it I guess, if he wants to act funny with me and be rude about me for no reason then i'll let him. If he is going to be like that, he wasn't a great friend in the first place.....

Thanks guys :smile: