Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

long, sorry, but if anyone has any advice... Watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm going to try and keep this as vague as possible because there are people on here who know who I am outside of TSR and I don't want them to know about this. Apologies because it's long.

    Okay so I've been with someone for a long time. It's serious. That doesn't even come into question.

    But a few months ago I met somebody else at an event. At first it was nothing, just an introduction, but I saw him at a few more events over the following months, and still it was nothing, we really barely spoke to each other. He's attractive though. He's also not single.

    Anyway in December he started flirting with me a tiny bit at another event, and we started talking online (about more than just events), and one thing led to another until it became blatantly clear that we both like each other.

    The thing is we'd never really said much to each other in real life - just sort of stared across the room at each other, but we talk all the time online. We've become bffs that fancy each other, which is weird, right? Neither of our other halves know this (although they know we're friends).

    Anyway I've started doing some online work for him as well so that's another reason we talk so much.

    He's a bit of a womaniser though. There's another woman he fancies the hell out of, and he tells me about her all the time, and how she likes him back and so on (not his partner), and I'm meant to be the close confident he call tell this stuff to, but I'm just insanely jealous. There's another one as well, someone he knew from his past, and he fancies her too, and a bunch of other women.

    He's told me about sexual things he wants to do to me though as well, although he's made it clear it's just fantasy. I've told him the same.

    Anyway I was at an event with him yesterday, and we actually got to have a pretty long chat, (just as friends) which is the most we've ever spoken. After the event I messaged him saying :
    "I guess that was the most we've ever spoken in real life", and he replied saying that I seemed nervous.
    I said I wasn't, and asked him why he thought that, and he said it was just the way I spoke.
    So I said sorry, and he said "don't apologise. you're a bit cute. I make no apology for using that word."

    I have no idea what he meant by that. I replied saying that cute doesn't mean sexy, but that's just the way I am, and although yeah I'm bouncy and overenthusiastic he'd just have to like it or lump it.

    He didn't bring it up since. I tried talking to him about something pretty general today and he was kind of abrupt, so I've told him I'll leave him to get on with my day.

    Oh god my head is in a right spin. I get the feeling he's gone off me after having spoken to me properly in real life, and I've got a churning in my stomach, although it shouldn't even matter. We should be platonic. I've got someone in my life already that I love, and I have no intention on cheating on him, but I can't get this other guy out of my head, even though he clearly just likes anything in a skirt (or tight trousers!)

    What the hell does that mean? I'm "a bit cute". That can't be a good thing, especially as he's acting evasive today.

    I can't cut him off, I work for him, and tbh I don't want to, I really like him, but I'm just feeling like an emotional mess right now.

    Stupid *****y situation.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I meant I don't want to cut him off, not that I don't want to work for him.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Realised I made so many typos in that post.

    You get the idea.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Return to being a friendly professional associate. You have felt flattered by his temporary attentions. Don't be deluded into thinking that you mattered any more to him than any of the other women he fleetingly fancies and maybe has one night stands with when afforded the chance.

    You have had a lucky escape from a moment of giddiness. Don't now make it a major issue by dwelling on or pursuing it in any way. Whatever spark is missing in your long term relationship funnel your energy into reigniting it rather than worrying about this other guy.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CCC75)
    Return to being a friendly professional associate. You have felt flattered by his temporary attentions. Don't be deluded into thinking that you mattered any more to him than any of the other women he fleetingly fancies and maybe has one night stands with when afforded the chance.

    You have had a lucky escape from a moment of giddiness. Don't now make it a major issue by dwelling on or pursuing it in any way. Whatever spark is missing in your long term relationship funnel your energy into reigniting it rather than worrying about this other guy.
    Why are some women so dumb? This guy is in a relationship and yet he cheats like this with you, he flatters you and you are all over him pretending he is some sort of God, have some self respect and treat him like the garbage he is.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    You're just lusting after this guy and he is clearly doing the same. After all, like you said, he is a womaniser. He has the ability to manipulate and persue any woman he desires.

    Meanwhile, you already have a relationship with somebody who clearly loves you. Do you really want to throw that away for a "womaniser", who doesn't give a toss about you? Don't let him treat you like ****, have some self respect and move on.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by whorace)
    Why are some women so dumb? This guy is in a relationship and yet he cheats like this with you, he flatters you and you are all over him pretending he is some sort of God, have some self respect and treat him like the garbage he is.
    I'm not pretending he's a God. Haven't you ever fancied someone? It's not as though emotions are controllable. I'm not planning to have sex with him - he wouldn't anyway - I just like him more than I should, which isn't something I can help. I'm trying not to!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by CCC75)
    Return to being a friendly professional associate. You have felt flattered by his temporary attentions. Don't be deluded into thinking that you mattered any more to him than any of the other women he fleetingly fancies and maybe has one night stands with when afforded the chance.

    You have had a lucky escape from a moment of giddiness. Don't now make it a major issue by dwelling on or pursuing it in any way. Whatever spark is missing in your long term relationship funnel your energy into reigniting it rather than worrying about this other guy.
    This is good advice. Thanks.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    And I thought my physics homework was complex.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    No advice to give.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Wow, he's a slimy jerk. Honestly, do you want a guy who talks with multiple other women about what he wants to do to them while he's in a relationship? Who chats people up and bangs on about how much he wants them? His poor other half.

    To be honest you're almost as bad. Have some respect for your partner and yourself ffs. If you're not into your partner any more, leave them and stop wasting their time. But don't hook up with this sleazy moron who is guaranteed to screw you over too.

    Edit: in fairness to you, I see that you say you don't want to hook up with him. But you're obsessing over whether he still likes you and what he meant by calling you cute, so don't kid yourself. Shut down all communication that is not strictly professional and don't talk to him in person any more.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Personally, for me, telling another person that you fantasise about all the sexual things you'd do to them whilst in a relationship with someone else is cheating. Do you really value your current relationship? Is there a reason you seem quite keenly interested in this other guy to the point that you're making a thread about him on an online forum? I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, least of all because of all these other women he wants to bed. Forget him and focus on your actual boyfriend who probably actually loves you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    To be fair, these are the sorts of responses I expected. I guess it's just harder than you might think to switch off irrational emotions (ever tried it? Trust me, it's really darned difficult!)
    Thank you all for your advice. Some of it was a bit harsh, but again, this is TSR, I expected no less lol. Life isn't quite as black and white as we might like it to be, but I'm trying to set my moral compass a little straighter.
    Again, cheers guys.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To be fair, these are the sorts of responses I expected. I guess it's just harder than you might think to switch off irrational emotions (ever tried it? Trust me, it's really darned difficult!)
    Thank you all for your advice. Some of it was a bit harsh, but again, this is TSR, I expected no less lol. Life isn't quite as black and white as we might like it to be, but I'm trying to set my moral compass a little straighter.
    Again, cheers guys.
    I've made the mistake I think you're about to make. I know how hard it is, and I hope you do better than I did. Remember what you have already and don't get seduced by a bit of sexual tension from a flirt with no loyalty.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To be fair, these are the sorts of responses I expected. I guess it's just harder than you might think to switch off irrational emotions (ever tried it? Trust me, it's really darned difficult!)
    Thank you all for your advice. Some of it was a bit harsh, but again, this is TSR, I expected no less lol. Life isn't quite as black and white as we might like it to be, but I'm trying to set my moral compass a little straighter.
    Again, cheers guys.
    A student website isn't the best place for experienced, well balanced relationship advice.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Don't make temporary decisions on temporary feelings; if he is a womanizer, he won't stay. You're just lusting him, but do you actually love him enough to drop your current bf? Don't be irrational.But if you want to go for him, then break up with your current bf- it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I'm sorry, but talking about sexual matters and what you'd like to do to him whilst you being in a committed relationship is poor, poor form.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    I think you know the answer here, easier said than done but you do need to forget him and focus your energy on your partner.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by CCC75)
    A student website isn't the best place for experienced, well balanced relationship advice.
    I do realise that, I was just a little lacking in alternative options.

    (Original post by Reader106)
    Don't make temporary decisions on temporary feelings; if he is a womanizer, he won't stay. You're just lusting him, but do you actually love him enough to drop your current bf? Don't be irrational.But if you want to go for him, then break up with your current bf- it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
    Love? No. I don't love him. It's weird, what we have...or sort of have. He calls us symbiotic. Maybe he's right. It's not just physical attraction - we seem to have connected on a mental level.
    Breaking up with my other half isn't an option though. Not even a remote option.

    I'm working on it guys. Cheers for the advice.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Love? No. I don't love him. It's weird, what we have...or sort of have. He calls us symbiotic. Maybe he's right. It's not just physical attraction - we seem to have connected on a mental level.
    He is just giving you lines, trying to play you. It is his pastime/hobby. You are the only one feeling 'connected'. He is chasing the triumph of this particular game then will drop you and move onto the next unwitting candidate that catches his sights.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 22, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Should Spain allow Catalonia to declare independence?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.