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Should we ever try to date someone whose parent recently died? Watch

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    tl;dr: I like a guy whose mother died recently (2015). Should I even try to date him or is it totally the wrong time?

    So here's the deal. I went to school with a guy who in the back of my mind, I thought was cute. Nothing ever happened between us. Fast-forward a few years and we run into each other on an online dating site. We get on well, have a bunch of mutual friends and have been getting on well ever since.

    Anyway, this weekend we were flirting and he was hinting at sex and because I don't have sex outside of a committed relationship (personal choice as have been burned before) I decided to ask him why he was online in the first place, what was he looking for etc? He said he was looking to meet people and see what happens, for something that is easy and that he doesn't have to work hard to make happen. He also said he's never been in love before. We then talked a little bit more and he said the following:

    "Okay, Hannah, I think I should be entirely honest with you because you seem like an amazing girl and I really don't want to hurt you. Last year was horrible for me. I lost my mum and last grandparent. My head is a bit messed up if I'm totally honest. Can't picture falling in love/being in a relationship. I don't want a relationship where I have to work at it as my patience is not where it once was. Just want something chilled where I can grow into it. I just want to be honest with you and apologies for not being so before. Just a hard thing to tell anyone as it changes everything."

    Just as context, he is a great guy and he's everything I'm looking for at the moment. I'm just really concerned that he's emotionally unavailable, just wants something casual etc. I'm happy to be there for him as a shoulder to cry on etc but I don't want to put myself into a position where I'm going to get hurt myself. I have been burned extremely badly before by unavailable men (commitment problems, addiction etc) and hope I'm not repeating my pattern by attempting this. Basically my question is, should we EVER try to date someone who's just lost their mother?
    • #2
    #2

    Wait, hold up. Are you asking if a guy has lost his mother, he shouldn't be dated??

    I have a friend who lost her mother and she misses her a lot everyday, but she's enjoying every minute of her life as she goes along. Be there for him, comfort him. Maybe he was with someone in a serious relationship when his mother passed, and she left him because he was emotionally unstable at that moment in time... He may also have been burned badly and it's a risk that we all take on a daily basis by putting love on the line... It all depends on how much you think that he is 'THE ONE' for you
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    He's been pretty clear he doesn't know where he's at and isn't up for commitment. I would say it's unlikely he's up for it with you but you could try being a friend and seeing what happens..
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Wait, hold up. Are you asking if a guy has lost his mother, he shouldn't be dated??

    I have a friend who lost her mother and she misses her a lot everyday, but she's enjoying every minute of her life as she goes along. Be there for him, comfort him. Maybe he was with someone in a serious relationship when his mother passed, and she left him because he was emotionally unstable at that moment in time... He may also have been burned badly and it's a risk that we all take on a daily basis by putting love on the line... It all depends on how much you think that he is 'THE ONE' for you
    Nah, he wasn't in a serious relationship. He said he's never been in love and he's nearly 30! We've all been burned badly - me included - in fact I doubt anyone has been through anything nearly as bad as the things that have happened to me - but I'm out here trying to find love again, and I'm living my life every day. I have all the sympathies in the world for someone who has lost their parent, I think it's probably the most difficult thing a person can ever go through and I'm terrified for it ever happening to me. But I also think its a bit of a copout not even trying to make an effort with anyone and stringing them along without telling them you don't want a relationship, and blaming it on your dead mum.
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    It's certainly not easy losing a parent let alone both and I can see where he's coming from. You're lucky he didn't just string you along and is totally upfront about things. Just take things slow,that's what I would say.

    PS we both have the same name
 
 
 
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