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My boyfriend is white and I'm a Muslim girl. Watch

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    • #1
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    #1

    Hi all... Here goes.

    I'm in love with a non- Muslim, he's white and I cannot see myself with anyone but him.

    My parents:
    My mum is a strict Muslim and prays five times a day, I can't talk to her about anything and I don't really have much of a personal relationship with my mum as she's very quick to judge and doesn't like listening.

    My dad married again in Pakistan but is still married to my mum and she seems to be okay with it but I'm totally against it. He's always messing about and I know he does things that he's not supposed to be doing but when it comes to his daughters he becomes this strict hitler type of man and you can't actually talk to him either.

    My older sister is the golden child and has done everything perfectly in life and has married a Muslim guy and my parents think the sun shines out of her arse.

    My younger sister is kind of like me but no attention is thrown at her because I'm always under the spotlight for " bad child "

    Me: I'm 24, final year at uni, I like to go out and enjoy myself, I don't commit crimes and I just like to live my life... and my boyfriend is 31 and is a well established business man with great values and personality - except he isn't Muslim.

    Long story short : I told my aunties about him and they seemed okay with it at the time until all hell broke loose and she told my mum. Mum said she would disown me if I ever went near him again and that she would die of shame if anyone else were to find out.
    ( my dad still doesn't know but I reckon he would flip out too.)

    I had a massive argument with my aunties and I cut all extended family off because of their negativity and racist behaviour towards it all.

    Till this day it's depressing me day by day as I'm being watched on my every move... And it's come to a point where I just want to run away and that's what il do... But that means I can't return ... Ever.

    Has anyone felt this way before? What shall I do ?!
    • #2
    #2

    Youve got to remember your a Muslim and the reason that your parents dont want you with him is because he is not a Muslim. Its haraam and it says it in the Quran its forbidden. Your parents arnt playing the bad cops as they are doing whats best for you. maybe you should ask a person on knowledge and they can recommend you what to do instead of people on here. Just make dua
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    Yes, go solo.



    Are you religious? If you are, think about it more? The risks, is he worth it, religion etc.
    • #2
    #2

    I guess my mum was in this situation when she was 17 she met my dad and he was a hindu and she was muslim. fortunalty he had an interest in Islam and bacame Muslim anyway but they still ran away together lol
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    Definitely! It's really hard and relationships fail that way because of parents beliefs and ideas mixed with religious regulations. Understand when you're coming from. I have a similar situation here because I'm not allowed to date, let alone anyone who doesn't follow culture and religion. I don't think much of it because I'm happy being single for now. I think I'll end up being more open to a relationship if I meet someone in university. It's really hard to explain how I feel truly about this but, I think it's a case of making a decision in the end. I can understand how you feel; potentially having to choose between your boyfriend and your family. It seems obvious, but then it's not. You can be happy all your life with him, or you can make your parents happy instead, potentially sacrificing your happiness. It's a bit like a win lose I guess. If you want to talk more about it or know more about how I feel, drop a PM.
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    if he makes you happy then you should be with him!!


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    Ignore their racist, negative crap. If he is who you love then religion shouldn't get in the way of that.
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    It seems as if you have an impossible choice to make: your family or your bf. Personally, family would come before anything but do what you think is right. There are other options too. Have you tried talking to him about Islam?
    • #3
    #3

    Have you spoke to him about the religion? Does he have any interest in it?

    It's a tricky one, I was in this situation too, but the guy was from that sort of background and turned out to be horrible and more bothered about what people would think than how he felt. Time has a funny way of revealing everything. I think your mum may eventually come round one day, but the situation is far from ideal, it's haram. Maybe take a while and actually question how much Islam means to you and how much you love your family. And ask how much you know this guy and whether he is worth all of this? Go back to Islam too, remind yourself why it is haram and what you're about to do.

    You won't be the first or the last person for it to happen to. Try to not get too stressed. All I can say is, if this guy loves you then you should chat to him seriously and see what he says. And do not let cultures from other countries force you into actions you are not happy with.

    Be patient and remember that everything happens for the best reason.
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    It sounds like your parents may have been 2 strict on you. There are many ways to approach people and being too strict can cause the opposite effect.

    Do you really like him or is it because you want to escape from your household because your not happy and seek more freedom?

    If you really like him will you risk losing your family either temporarily (as these things always sort themselves out in time) or permanently (you will be outcasted from your family).
    • #4
    #4

    I think its quite easy for people to say things along the lines of forgot your family and just start a life with him however, I understand the situation in the sense that if you take that step...as you said, you cant really go back. I know that its the sad reality and I strongly advise you think about what would happen if it wasn't to work out, what if when you live together you disagree over fundamental issues? If the relationship doesn't work (I am not saying it wont, but there is a chance), then you wont have much family to turn to. Blood is thicker than water and I know you don't get on with your family much but they are the only people there for you when it really counts.

    How does he feel about converting?
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    I have experience and understanding of that situation. I come from a Muslim background myself as well and can relate.

    What are your career plans and have you made any preparations accordingly? What about your financial dependency?

    Is your partner living independently?

    Be weary of dogma regurgitated by some of the more radical Muslims here - it's not going to provide any practical help to your situation.

    On mobile at the moment - feel free to drop a PM in confidence to discuss further. Typically these situations are very complex and require a bit more background and advice on what you can expect in the future; how to handle it as time goes on.
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    Before I say anything, note that I'm an atheist and things I say might offend you. But this is the reality.

    From what you've described, I see no possibility of your family ever coming to terms with your decisions and actions that are not in the strictest adherence to their ideas, values and faith. I can't imagine the mentality of "my child is doing something I don't want - shame and disownment." That's not how you treat a person, a human being and a daughter. Make no mistake, harbor no illusions - this is Islam on a daily basis. Islam doesn't need to be taking down skyscrapers and killing infidels to cause harm. It can cause a mother to threaten to disown her daughter simply because she fell in love with a non-Muslim. It can cause you to think that you have no choice but to make a choice between yourself and your family.

    As definite as it might be in your situation, I suggest you to appeal to your family one more time - as a daughter, niece and sister. Explain yourself and your feelings. If your family can somehow, anyhow understand - keep in touch. However, if they can't, move away, leave them behind and follow your feelings and your heart. Both you and your partner are mature, responsible adults with great prospects in life and I warmly and kindly suggest you do the right thing. Start living your life independently of your mother, your father and ultimately - independently of Islam. You've been a loving, caring, loyal family member for years, but obviously, that won't make you happy and isn't making you happy. That won't allow you to live your own life. Start being a loving, caring, loyal person in general, loving, caring for and loyal to people who deserve it. People who value you and treasure you for who you are as a person and an individual, not for who you are as a Muslim. Have a long, meaningful conversation with your partner, explain the situation, let him know what would this all means for you. If he understands you, respects you, loves you and recognizes what you need to sacrifice for your relationship - be with him, be free.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all... Here goes.

    I'm in love with a non- Muslim, he's white and I cannot see myself with anyone but him.

    My parents:
    My mum is a strict Muslim and prays five times a day, I can't talk to her about anything and I don't really have much of a personal relationship with my mum as she's very quick to judge and doesn't like listening.

    My dad married again in Pakistan but is still married to my mum and she seems to be okay with it but I'm totally against it. He's always messing about and I know he does things that he's not supposed to be doing but when it comes to his daughters he becomes this strict hitler type of man and you can't actually talk to him either.

    My older sister is the golden child and has done everything perfectly in life and has married a Muslim guy and my parents think the sun shines out of her arse.

    My younger sister is kind of like me but no attention is thrown at her because I'm always under the spotlight for " bad child "

    Me: I'm 24, final year at uni, I like to go out and enjoy myself, I don't commit crimes and I just like to live my life... and my boyfriend is 31 and is a well established business man with great values and personality - except he isn't Muslim.

    Long story short : I told my aunties about him and they seemed okay with it at the time until all hell broke loose and she told my mum. Mum said she would disown me if I ever went near him again and that she would die of shame if anyone else were to find out.
    ( my dad still doesn't know but I reckon he would flip out too.)

    I had a massive argument with my aunties and I cut all extended family off because of their negativity and racist behaviour towards it all.

    Till this day it's depressing me day by day as I'm being watched on my every move... And it's come to a point where I just want to run away and that's what il do... But that means I can't return ... Ever.

    Has anyone felt this way before? What shall I do ?!
    WARNING: ok let's say you want to be with him which means leaving family. 1-6 months you/him feel you're not meant to be then what happens? I suggest that if he really wants to be together maybe ask him how he feels about converting? Good Luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all... Here goes.

    I'm in love with a non- Muslim, he's white and I cannot see myself with anyone but him.

    My parents:
    My mum is a strict Muslim and prays five times a day, I can't talk to her about anything and I don't really have much of a personal relationship with my mum as she's very quick to judge and doesn't like listening.

    My dad married again in Pakistan but is still married to my mum and she seems to be okay with it but I'm totally against it. He's always messing about and I know he does things that he's not supposed to be doing but when it comes to his daughters he becomes this strict hitler type of man and you can't actually talk to him either.

    My older sister is the golden child and has done everything perfectly in life and has married a Muslim guy and my parents think the sun shines out of her arse.

    My younger sister is kind of like me but no attention is thrown at her because I'm always under the spotlight for " bad child "

    Me: I'm 24, final year at uni, I like to go out and enjoy myself, I don't commit crimes and I just like to live my life... and my boyfriend is 31 and is a well established business man with great values and personality - except he isn't Muslim.

    Long story short : I told my aunties about him and they seemed okay with it at the time until all hell broke loose and she told my mum. Mum said she would disown me if I ever went near him again and that she would die of shame if anyone else were to find out.
    ( my dad still doesn't know but I reckon he would flip out too.)

    I had a massive argument with my aunties and I cut all extended family off because of their negativity and racist behavior towards it all.

    Till this day it's depressing me day by day as I'm being watched on my every move... And it's come to a point where I just want to run away and that's what il do... But that means I can't return ... Ever.

    Has anyone felt this way before? What shall I do ?!
    If you want the honest answer knowing that youre a Muslim and that youre parents are, you know full well that it is unacceptable to marry a non Muslim, you can marry any ethnicity white black as long as they are muslim. This is the problem that many face know they see someone and they are in "love" yet youre a muslim and islam is based on deen and faith how can you marry someone who has none. The question is whether you believe you are a muslim or do you feel that its something you want no part of. Because if its the first then you yourself know it isnt acceptable if its the latter well thats your decision and you shouldnt expect anything from your family or parents to be happy and ok with what you will do
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    Are YOU Muslim? If not then marry him if you want; if they won't accept you doing it then you'd probably be better off without them.

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    (Original post by Withengar)
    Before I say anything, note that I'm an atheist and things I say might offend you. But this is the reality.

    From what you've described, I see no possibility of your family ever coming to terms with your decisions and actions that are not in the strictest adherence to their ideas, values and faith. I can't imagine the mentality of "my child is doing something I don't want - shame and disownment." That's not how you treat a person, a human being and a daughter. Make no mistake, harbor no illusions - this is Islam on a daily basis. Islam doesn't need to be taking down skyscrapers and killing infidels to cause harm. It can cause a mother to threaten to disown her daughter simply because she fell in love with a non-Muslim. It can cause you to think that you have no choice but to make a choice between yourself and your family.

    As definite as it might be in your situation, I suggest you to appeal to your family one more time - as a daughter, niece and sister. Explain yourself and your feelings. If your family can somehow, anyhow understand - keep in touch. However, it they can't, move away, leave them behind and follow your feelings and your heart. Both you and your partner are mature, responsible adults with great prospects in life and I warmly and kindly suggest you do the right thing. Start living your life independently of your mother, your father and ultimately - independently of Islam. You've been a loving, caring, loyal family member for years, but obviously, that won't make you happy and isn't making you happy. That won't allow you to live your own life. Start being a loving, caring, loyal person in general, loving, caring for and loyal to people who deserve it. People who value you and treasure you for who you are as a person and an individual, not for who you are as a Muslim. Have a long, meaningful conversation with your partner, explain the situation, let him know what would this all mean for you. If he understands you, respects you, loves you and recognizes what you need to sacrifice for your relationship - be with him, be free.
    Well said dude.

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    What kind of bad things is your Dad up to? Like terrorist ****?
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    Go for him, If you really love him and he feels the same way

    But I was once was in love with a non muslim white girl too we were together for over a year and my family severed that relationship, even though we both fought so hard. On the plus side both of you are pretty well established so you can take care of yourselves, but honestly you might never see your family again.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all... Here goes.

    I'm in love with a non- Muslim, he's white and I cannot see myself with anyone but him.

    My parents:
    My mum is a strict Muslim and prays five times a day, I can't talk to her about anything and I don't really have much of a personal relationship with my mum as she's very quick to judge and doesn't like listening.

    My dad married again in Pakistan but is still married to my mum and she seems to be okay with it but I'm totally against it. He's always messing about and I know he does things that he's not supposed to be doing but when it comes to his daughters he becomes this strict hitler type of man and you can't actually talk to him either.

    My older sister is the golden child and has done everything perfectly in life and has married a Muslim guy and my parents think the sun shines out of her arse.

    My younger sister is kind of like me but no attention is thrown at her because I'm always under the spotlight for " bad child "

    Me: I'm 24, final year at uni, I like to go out and enjoy myself, I don't commit crimes and I just like to live my life... and my boyfriend is 31 and is a well established business man with great values and personality - except he isn't Muslim.

    Long story short : I told my aunties about him and they seemed okay with it at the time until all hell broke loose and she told my mum. Mum said she would disown me if I ever went near him again and that she would die of shame if anyone else were to find out.
    ( my dad still doesn't know but I reckon he would flip out too.)

    I had a massive argument with my aunties and I cut all extended family off because of their negativity and racist behaviour towards it all.

    Till this day it's depressing me day by day as I'm being watched on my every move... And it's come to a point where I just want to run away and that's what il do... But that means I can't return ... Ever.

    Has anyone felt this way before? What shall I do ?!
    If you were a muslim man you could marry a christian or a jewish woman but if you were to marry your bf your marriage would not be valid unless he converts to islam.
 
 
 
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