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I don't think I'm very attracted to my boyfriend Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, he does exactly
    Having read all this maybe it is better letting him go rather than staying with him for the sake of being in a relationship?
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    Just end the relationship.
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    If you only staying with him because you'll feel bad if you left him you might as well leave him. You shouldn't stay with him for something like that. Try to stay friends with him, so you can date someone who can please you and still help him, and try to get him to get more social, I have the same problem as him, I think he has a social phobia :/ accept his problem is a little worse than mine. If you leave him he might find someone more suited for him and you could both be happy....or whatever he gets :P
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    Never stay in a relationship with someone you're not attracted to - it will always be unfulfilling, not to mention unfair as it prevents you both from being with people you're more compatible with. You'll always look at other guys like the one in your group and feel disappointed that he's not like them. It's not healthy and it wont help with his insecurity if he finds out.

    Also, don't feel bad for not being attracted to someone, it doesn't mean they aren't attractive it just means you're not personally attracted to them. I know many girls who are very attractive but I feel no attraction to them whatsoever/dont personally find them attractive because attraction is built on many factors.

    Attraction has little to do with physical looks, you can be very physically attracted to someone who isn't "stereotypically good looking" and likewise be turned off by someone who is.

    Also bear in mind that attraction is not static, it is dynamic and can change in an instant. if you're not at all attracted in some physical way to your partner your relationship wont last long and I suggest you just break it off with him now and don't prolong it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I never fell for him for his looks, it was his personality because he really is one of the sweetest, trusting, most loyal and sincere guys out there and in terms of personality, I really couldn't do better than what I have and I'm grateful. He isn't bad looking at all, he has nice features but that's pretty much it, there is no sexual attraction here and the thought of being affectionate with him isn't bad, just very weird like crossing friend boundaries almost? He is very insecure/shy so he is never affectionate with me, he can't even hold my hand which hurts me a lot because I've always wanted to be with somebody who shows me affection physically, and we see so many other couples around, but he finds public affection 'awkward' and I don't, I don't mean making out intensely, just holding hands or hugging when we first see each other after ages, but no.

    Recently, I've found myself really strongly attracted to my group partner, I've worked with him for about a month now, (I'd never even contemplate cheating by the way). I look at him and notice how gorgeous he is and fantasize randomly in my head before I have to block it out, I knew I was sexually attracted to him, and I've never felt like that with my boyfriend. I literally keep looking at this guy in awe, and feel butterflies and look forward to seeing him and it's strange. Obviously, with my group partner it's purely physical attraction and no emotional connection, it's just something I lack with my boyfriend. This is a fairly new relationship, should I just give it time? :/
    You said yourself there is no sexual attraction and having sex with him would be like doing it with a friend. I do see you both as friends than lovers i think you should be single.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No, he told me he is quite intimidated by me in general so even when we're alone, we'll just sit and talk and keep our distances like friends would, so opposite each other sitting by a table for example. We don't sit really physically close together, arm around me or anything lol. I don't even try to initiate anything publicly because I don't want to make him uncomfortable, which then leads to me being turned off being affectionate at all towards him. Whenever I try to bring up issues like this with him (even if it's over text), he gets really depressed and emotional (like I said he's really fragile and he won't cope if I ever left him), so I don't even want to bring it up tbh.

    I haven't spoken to him properly in a few days as we've both been busy with work and I don't know, I didn't miss him or think about him much, I actually felt quite free and had more time to focus on myself. I'm not sure if I'd miss him a lot more if it had been a few weeks etc but these few days have been great.
    Why is he intimidated by you? im sorry but like i said in my other post you are better off as friends and you are not being shallow if you break up with him, he is not showing you ANY intimacy which is the problem plus your not attracted to him as well.
    He coped before he met you so he can cope without you, he isn't going to drop dead.
    You said yourself you are having a great time without him i think he is holding you back so just be single and meet someone who will be loving to you instead of wasting months or years on your bf.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't want to leave him over something like this. People always say personality > looks, looks will fade but his personality won't. I know that we compliment each other well personality-wise.
    The difference between a friend and someone you're attracted to is looks. Otherwise you just have an ugly friend.

    It seems like he isn't even making that effort to want to be physical with you. He should be attracted to you so much that he can't keep his hands off you - or at least want to hug you when you see each other?! I mean, how do you guys even greet each other?

    You said that it hasn't been long, chances are it's only going to get worse. The physical aspect of a relationship is what spices it up.

    The idea that being physical is awkward for him shows that he isn't very mature, maybe you need a man, rather than a boy who is afraid that someone might start giggling if he pecks you on the cheek.
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    The difference between a friend and someone you're attracted to is looks. Otherwise you just have an ugly friend.

    It seems like he isn't even making that effort to want to be physical with you. He should be attracted to you so much that he can't keep his hands off you - or at least want to hug you when you see each other?! I mean, how do you guys even greet each other?

    You said that it hasn't been long, chances are it's only going to get worse. The physical aspect of a relationship is what spices it up.

    The idea that being physical is awkward for him shows that he isn't very mature, maybe you need a man, rather than a boy who is afraid that someone might start giggling if he pecks you on the cheek.
    I'd be more than happy to greet him by hugging him or kissing him, but he cut me off before any of that could happen by something like 'erm not hugging you because it's a bit.. awkward here' after texting me an hour before saying how he couldn't wait to hug me tightly because he missed me. We just said 'hey' and continued walking. hugging wouldn't be awkward at all, we met in a public place that was really busy, there were couples holding hands everywhere so I felt quite hurt and a bit jealous of how other boyfriends I could see, were so close to their girlfriends whereas we were walking like a metre apart. He would tag behind me too and I'd stop and wait for him to catch up (and I was walking slowly!).

    It bothered me especially because on multiple occasions he has gone on about how he can't wait to finally kiss me and hug me after we haven't seen each other for so long and how whoever sees isn't an issue to him - basically hyped up how affectionate he is. Then, in reality makes me back off by saying it's too awkward for him, when we actually do see each other which is disappointing. I've discussed the physical affection issues with him before because I was inadvertently acting very off and distant after we met, and he told me to be 'patient', so I've done exactly that and not discussed it since.
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    Please just break up with him. I don't understand the idea of staying with him just so you won't hurt him. He was alive and coping before you and I'm sure he'll survive without you. Maybe in future you'll realise that you two not being together was for the best. Good luck!
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    (Original post by chikane)
    Why is he intimidated by you? im sorry but like i said in my other post you are better off as friends and you are not being shallow if you break up with him, he is not showing you ANY intimacy which is the problem plus your not attracted to him as well.
    He coped before he met you so he can cope without you, he isn't going to drop dead.
    You said yourself you are having a great time without him i think he is holding you back so just be single and meet someone who will be loving to you instead of wasting months or years on your bf.
    He feels intimidated by me because he keeps telling me I'm 'out of his league' and feels as though I will leave him for someone better looking, and told me he couldn't comprehend why I was with him when I could have someone better and it makes him insecure. He puts me on some kind of pedestal and shows pictures of me to his friends? I don't even believe in leagues and reassured him about everything. He seems to shy away from most decisions as he believes in letting me decide everything and control the whole relationship will satisfy me, it doesn't - it frustrates me. I suppose I'd prefer a more confident, dominant guy as opposed to my very passive, shy boyfriend. It was adorable at first, but not really when he withholds showing affection.
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    (Original post by Delilah234)
    Please just break up with him. I don't understand the idea of staying with him just so you won't hurt him. He was alive and coping before you and I'm sure he'll survive without you. Maybe in future you'll realise that you two not being together was for the best. Good luck!
    Thank you for the luck I'm not just staying with him as to not hurt him, I've stuck around because I adore his personality and we have a strong emotional connection.. but no physical connection it seems. He isn't even bad looking, I just don't feel the physical chemistry or spark that I have with another guy I know, and the relationship lacks affection so it made me put this into perspective a little.
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    I don't think you become physically attracted to them, you either are or you aren't. You said that you thought his features were nice though, and by your description of him, it sounds like it's not a physical appearance problem but an issue with how he is. In short, he doesn't sound very manly or confident or a leader, and I think those traits in a man would be attractive and would make you feel more feminine. Does that sound like a possibility?
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    You WILL end up cheating on him, do him a favour and leave before he finds out from someone else
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    (Original post by joshjones15)
    Ive never known a relationship like this. Has he ever kissed you? I mean most people I know are having sex on the their first date.
    No he has never kissed me. I questioned him as to why he wouldn't kiss me or hug me etc, he said 'oh I was going to when I saw you, but didn't want to catch you off guard in case you weren't okay with it and found it awkward'. I called BS because he could barely hug me when we saw each other and refused as that was too awkward apparently, so I doubt he'd be okay with kissing me. I think him saying he was 'going to' kiss me was him trying to get off the hook as he could tell that I wasn't impressed as I ended up being a bit distant with him for a few days after.
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    (Original post by hektik)
    I don't think you become physically attracted to them, you either are or you aren't. You said that you thought his features were nice though, and by your description of him, it sounds like it's not a physical appearance problem but an issue with how he is. In short, he doesn't sound very manly or confident or a leader, and I think those traits in a man would be attractive and would make you feel more feminine. Does that sound like a possibility?
    Yes he isn't confident or manly at all and I find those traits so attractive. I think he prefers to shy away from every decision, such as what we should do, what we should eat.. anything. I'd prefer it if he could be a bit more confident, and just say 'okay, we're doing this today' and just hug me regardless of who is looking.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for the luck I'm not just staying with him as to not hurt him, I've stuck around because I adore his personality and we have a strong emotional connection.. but no physical connection it seems. He isn't even bad looking, I just don't feel the physical chemistry or spark that I have with another guy I know, and the relationship lacks affection so it made me put this into perspective a little.
    I understand where you're coming from. For me, I think the strong emotional connection and personality are good points in his favour but if there's no chemistry then it's unlikely to work long-term no? The lack of affection isn't great too, maybe the lack of physical chemistry is connected to that too
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    This is so frustrating to read.
    After writing what you've written how could you even think this could work?
    The glue that holds a relationship is sexual attraction and sexual compatibility.
    He is behaving extremely emasculated and you expect it to just follow along.

    If he has a good heart it's better to give him the 'ljbf' (lets just be friends). This will break him but he has to learn it's a phase a lot of us guys go through.
    One day or week we are just like damn... How to get on with women and be successful in life in general is to behave like a confident guy. Joke around, make decisions and express your personality. Instead of being an apologetic little weasel. ( this does not equate to being an *******.)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes he isn't confident or manly at all and I find those traits so attractive. I think he prefers to shy away from every decision, such as what we should do, what we should eat.. anything. I'd prefer it if he could be a bit more confident, and just say 'okay, we're doing this today' and just hug me regardless of who is looking.
    It's hard for people to change, and someone has to want to change to change, but try talking to him. Not about how you're thinking of ending things or that you find him unattractive, but let him know that you want him to take charge and to express his affection openly. If worst comes to worst and the two of you break up, if you can do it in a sensitive way, I think it would be good for him to understand that these few lacking traits are important and it would be good for himself to develop, although you like/love everything else about him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd be more than happy to greet him by hugging him or kissing him, but he cut me off before any of that could happen by something like 'erm not hugging you because it's a bit.. awkward here' after texting me an hour before saying how he couldn't wait to hug me tightly because he missed me. We just said 'hey' and continued walking. hugging wouldn't be awkward at all, we met in a public place that was really busy, there were couples holding hands everywhere so I felt quite hurt and a bit jealous of how other boyfriends I could see, were so close to their girlfriends whereas we were walking like a metre apart. He would tag behind me too and I'd stop and wait for him to catch up (and I was walking slowly!).

    It bothered me especially because on multiple occasions he has gone on about how he can't wait to finally kiss me and hug me after we haven't seen each other for so long and how whoever sees isn't an issue to him - basically hyped up how affectionate he is. Then, in reality makes me back off by saying it's too awkward for him, when we actually do see each other which is disappointing. I've discussed the physical affection issues with him before because I was inadvertently acting very off and distant after we met, and he told me to be 'patient', so I've done exactly that and not discussed it since.
    ok, explain to me the difference between this relationship and a friend? By the sounds of things, he's so awkward that your relationship is void.

    I hug my friends when I see them. At work in client meetings or work events we do "air kisses" ...by the sounds of things, I do more with people I'm not in a relationship with than he does with you!

    It's not about other couples holding hands...it's about anyone being physical with anything - he doesn't even walk beside you? Link arms with you? Does he feel awkward to be seen with you? It's never the "right time" to hug you? What exactly is he waiting for? If he wants privacy, go to a cinema, go to your houses - what will his excuse be there? He's clearly frigid, scared, immature and not ready for a relationship.

    You say that you don't want to break up with him - but let's say you do, and you want to continue your friendship... what would change, how different would you act? Nothing? Then what's stopping you from breaking up with him?

    If you don't want to hurt him, then tell him he needs to get his head into "relationship mode" , you're not his friend you're his girlfriend, and that THIS IS NOT NORMAL.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No he has never kissed me. I questioned him as to why he wouldn't kiss me or hug me etc, he said 'oh I was going to when I saw you, but didn't want to catch you off guard in case you weren't okay with it and found it awkward'. I called BS because he could barely hug me when we saw each other and refused as that was too awkward apparently, so I doubt he'd be okay with kissing me. I think him saying he was 'going to' kiss me was him trying to get off the hook as he could tell that I wasn't impressed as I ended up being a bit distant with him for a few days after.
    This is an odd situation. Can't think of any reasons. Maybe he wants to do this in like his house/ your house because he'd feel more comfortable instead of like public? Or maybe he has religious reasons or something?
 
 
 
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