Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Boyfriend spending too much on me watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    We've literally been seeing each other two months and he is already buying me expensive rings. He isn't well-off by any means, and I'd understand if this was our one year anniversary or something for example, but this relationship isn't even long-term yet and if it ends, surely he'll regret spending all this money on me? I've tried to stop him multiple times, saying he could buy me something small if he wanted but nothing lavish, to which he responded that he'd buy what he wanted as I was 'worth it'. It's flattering obviously and I'm grateful, I'll just feel so guilty if this ends and he has spent a lot on me. I don't know what to do.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Are you not that into him or something? You're already thinking ahead to when your relationship might be over and you've only been together two months.

    I'd just tell him seriously that you feel uncomfortable when he spends a lot of money on you and you'd prefer he didn't. Be firm and make your feelings truly known, so he knows it's a big deal for you.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    It does sound like he's spending quite a bit early on, however if he wants to buy you things and enjoys doing so, he probably isn't going to stop. I think as long as he knows that you don't expect him to buy you expensive gifts and you've said to him just to get something small, then there's no need to feel guilty as he is choosing to do this because he wants to, not because he has to. If it continues to bother you then just tell him how you feel, and ask him to save it for special occasions.

    I would say though that it kinda sounds like you're almost expecting the relationship to end. If you're already wondering if the relationship is going to end then I would maybe think if you do really want to be with him. If yes then great! Stop feeling guilty. If no then the longer you leave things, the more guilty you are going to end up feeling.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Katarvi)
    Are you not that into him or something? You're already thinking ahead to when your relationship might be over and you've only been together two months.

    I'd just tell him seriously that you feel uncomfortable when he spends a lot of money on you and you'd prefer he didn't. Be firm and make your feelings truly known, so he knows it's a big deal for you.
    We've only been together two months, and I'm just trying to be as realistic as possible. It'd be lovely if we stayed together, got married and lived happily ever after of course, but chances are that won't happen and I'll probably be more optimistic after we've hit the one year mark at least! I think I'm going to stop him buying the ring and convince him to save buying it for our anniversary instead.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We've only been together two months, and I'm just trying to be as realistic as possible. It'd be lovely if we stayed together, got married and lived happily ever after of course, but chances are that won't happen and I'll probably be more optimistic after we've hit the one year mark at least! I think I'm going to stop him buying the ring and convince him to save buying it for our anniversary instead.
    That's fair enough. It's important that he respects how you feel about things as much as you respecting him, so if this excessive spending is having that much of an effect on you, you should make that really clear to him. Find a compromise on what he can spend (limit it to holidays and anniversaries or something), so that you're both comfortable.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    You've already given up on him because (shock!) he spends money on you. You seem to know already that you're not going to stay with him long-term, but he doesn't know that. Guys can't read minds FFS. So please, for the love of God, be honest with him, put the poor guy out of his misery and tell him that you're totally non-commital about your relationship with him even though he wants to spend money on you, just like a good boyfriend would. There's nothing wrong with him spending money on you - it's his decision and his money. But you've made up your mind already, so you might as well go ahead and dump him.

    Just to be clear - this is your problem, not his.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by asif007)
    You've already given up on him because (shock!) he spends money on you. You seem to know already that you're not going to stay with him long-term, but he doesn't know that. Guys can't read minds FFS. So please, for the love of God, be honest with him, put the poor guy out of his misery and tell him that you're totally non-commital about your relationship with him even though he wants to spend money on you, just like a good boyfriend would. There's nothing wrong with him spending money on you - it's his decision and his money. But you've made up your mind already, so you might as well go ahead and dump him.

    Just to be clear - this is your problem, not his.
    why the **** did reading this make me cry it's way too late I need to go to bed....
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by alkaline.)
    why the **** did reading this make me cry it's way too late I need to go to bed....
    If you're a girl, it's probably PMS or something else hormone-related. If you're a guy, you need help.

    Simple answer: yes, you need sleep. Go to bed.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by asif007)
    You've already given up on him because (shock!) he spends money on you. You seem to know already that you're not going to stay with him long-term, but he doesn't know that. Guys can't read minds FFS. So please, for the love of God, be honest with him, put the poor guy out of his misery and tell him that you're totally non-commital about your relationship with him even though he wants to spend money on you, just like a good boyfriend would. There's nothing wrong with him spending money on you - it's his decision and his money. But you've made up your mind already, so you might as well go ahead and dump him.

    Just to be clear - this is your problem, not his.
    Did you hack me? Came here to post this even robbed my words

    Op you feel guilty because you know you dont want this to be long term, ur kind of nasty and manipulative for staying with him when you obviously dont really care
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by whorace)
    Did you hack me? Came here to post this even robbed my words

    Op you feel guilty because you know you dont want this to be long term, ur kind of nasty and manipulative for staying with him when you obviously dont really care
    Haha, you and I think alike
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We've literally been seeing each other two months and he is already buying me expensive rings. He isn't well-off by any means, and I'd understand if this was our one year anniversary or something for example, but this relationship isn't even long-term yet and if it ends, surely he'll regret spending all this money on me? I've tried to stop him multiple times, saying he could buy me something small if he wanted but nothing lavish, to which he responded that he'd buy what he wanted as I was 'worth it'. It's flattering obviously and I'm grateful, I'll just feel so guilty if this ends and he has spent a lot on me. I don't know what to do.
    what sort of rings i'm in the trade and can tell whats expensive and whats not

    trust me i have a 20ct ruby set in a half ounce of 9ct yellow on my hand that one was rather pricey cost me £2,500 there a nice pinkie ring i want at the momunt a 12ct emerald, 3ct of diamonds set in to platinum for a little off £12,000 retail i can get it for 4 stacks wholesale
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    i understand what you mean, just bc you dont want him to buy expensive gifts for you doesnt mean your not into him. id feel the same way if i had a partner and he was spending loads on me. its a sweet gesture but it puts me in an awkward position as i find it awkward when people give me gifts all the time. Just tell him that instead of buying you stuff to save the money for when you go out like a fancy restaurant
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    I think its pointless to spend money buying lavish gifts and jewellery for someone you've just been dating a couple of months, actually it reeks of neediness and desperation from his part.

    Don't get me wrong, I love to surprise not just my partner but the people I love in general with unexpected gifts sometimes and there's nothing wrong with spending a money on them if you can - personally it's one of my favourite ways of showing affection. But part of that is to do with the gift or surprise itself. Not just pointless lavish jewellery or perfume that doesn't mean anything and smells like insecurity.

    When I show affection, what I spend my money on is a way of me showing that that person means a lot to me whether its a friend, girlfriend, mum etc. For example, I always surprise my mum with a bouquet of flowers every 2/3 months, and seeing how genuinely happy it makes her when she recieves it makes me so happy. It cost the same as an expensive piece of jewellery but it means much more to her.

    When it comes to dating or friends, I find it much more affectionate to spend money on going out together, nice dates or big day outs, trips/holidays together etc. That's how to show affection because you're spending money in a way that simultaneously lets that person know how much you love spending time with them.

    If you've told your boyfriend you don't want jewellery and his answer is "I dont care what you want, i'll get it for you anyway because i want you to have it" I dont see that as affectionate gift-giving, its kind of manipulative and desperate like he is trying to buy your love. Boring.

    Someone who's spending money on you as a way of showing genuine affection would care very much what you want and what they know would make you happy because the goal is to make you happy and show you how much you mean to them. It also wouldn't matter how much the gift was and they wouldnt be insistent on buying you something specifically expensive. I can spend anywhere from £3 to £500 on someone I love and it would still hold the same value.
    Offline

    14
    For some reason, this reminds me of 50 shades 🙈🙈
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by asif007)
    You've already given up on him because (shock!) he spends money on you. You seem to know already that you're not going to stay with him long-term, but he doesn't know that. Guys can't read minds FFS. So please, for the love of God, be honest with him, put the poor guy out of his misery and tell him that you're totally non-commital about your relationship with him even though he wants to spend money on you, just like a good boyfriend would. There's nothing wrong with him spending money on you - it's his decision and his money. But you've made up your mind already, so you might as well go ahead and dump him.

    Just to be clear - this is your problem, not his.
    A good friend of mine has spent quite a lot of money on gifts for my birthday and Christmas, and that makes me feel guilty. It doesn't mean I'm not "committed" to our friendship. Slightly different, yeah. But if I was dating someone who did the same thing so early into a relationship, I'd feel just as guilty. You don't know their intentions for doing so, but spending such a large amount is totally unnecessary and puts pressure on the other person to remain with them. That's not nice. You don't need to spend money to show commitment. If you feel you do, then clearly something is wrong.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by San Fran)
    A good friend of mine has spent quite a lot of money on gifts for my birthday and Christmas, and that makes me feel guilty. It doesn't mean I'm not "committed" to our friendship. Slightly different, yeah. But if I was dating someone who did the same thing so early into a relationship, I'd feel just as guilty. You don't know their intentions for doing so, but spending such a large amount is totally unnecessary and puts pressure on the other person to remain with them. That's not nice. You don't need to spend money to show commitment. If you feel you do, then clearly something is wrong.

    Yes, it's completely different when the other person is your friend as you have no obligation to buy anything for them in return. But when it's your boyfriend of 2 months, I think it's cruel and manipulative of OP to let the poor guy keep giving her expensive gifts when she already knows she doesn't want to stay with him. Obviously the two of them are on different pages in their relationship but OP is too self-centred to tell him that. According to you, spending money in a relationship is not important - would you rather be with someone who didn't spend any money on you whatsoever? That includes not paying for dates, no gifts, no birthday presents etc. Any girl would throw a *****-fit if the guy didn't pay for anything.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 16, 2016
Poll
Do I go to The Streets tomorrow night?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.