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At what point should I choose between 2 girls? Watch

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    Apologies... bit of a long one. But I need help!

    In the last two months I have met 2 girls. I have been hanging out with both of them separately, and initially it was just as friends, but in the last couple of weeks both relationships seem to have developed beyond that.

    For the sake of the thread i'll call them Girl A and Girl B.

    I met Girl A most recently and we have only hung out a few times. But she has been very straight with me and told me last time we met that she would like to be together. I didn't say that I wouldn't like to, but I told her that it would be difficult as I am leaving the country in just over a month (I am. I live and work abroad currently, but I am returning to the UK for at least a year) We usually just meet up for drinks. We have fun. And we have slept together.

    I have known Girl B for maybe a month longer than Girl A, and we hang out a lot more often. We get on really well. We go out to eat, see movies, visit different places, and for a long time I got the impression that she just wanted to be friends, which was fine with me as I knew I was moving away (She is also aware of this) But recently, despite her not saying it, she has been showing obvious signs that she would like to be more than friends. Including a very thoughtful valentines present a couple of days ago! I like her a lot, and it'd hurt if she found out about Girl A and thought that I had intentionally deceived her.

    Both girls continue to invite me to hang out regularly, but I have begun to feel uncomfortable about everything. I haven't lied to either of them, and I am not in a relationship with either of them, but something doesn't feel right. I am not the type of guy that would see two girls simultaneously, and I don't want to hurt either of them, or lose their friendship.

    As Girl B has become one of my closest friends in this country, I really fear hurting her in anyway. She still hasn't made her feelings towards me entirely clear, but if she did ever come out and say that she liked me, I would probably tell her that I felt the same way. I do like her, but with me leaving next month, and given what has happened with Girl A, it's difficult. Meanwhile Girl A has asked me to go away for the weekend with her in a couple of weeks, and I just have no idea what to say to that.

    Can anybody offer any advice? :confused:
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    To me it seems that you don't really like Girl A as much as Girl B. I think you should tell Girl A how you feel. I know that may be hard but she's got to know. I'd want to know if anything was happening behind my back. I think you need to also let Girl B know about Girl A because you seem to be great friends with her and I'm sure she'd understand.

    I think Girl A isn't as close to you as Girl B from what I've heard so I'd suggest telling Girl A that you don't feel you should go away for the weekend with her.

    I'm not an expert in this or anything so I may be giving you awful advice but this is what I would do if I was in your situation.

    I hope everything works out for you
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    (Original post by Osc-31)
    Apologies... bit of a long one. But I need help!

    In the last two months I have met 2 girls. I have been hanging out with both of them separately, and initially it was just as friends, but in the last couple of weeks both relationships seem to have developed beyond that.

    For the sake of the thread i'll call them Girl A and Girl B.

    I met Girl A most recently and we have only hung out a few times. But she has been very straight with me and told me last time we met that she would like to be together. I didn't say that I wouldn't like to, but I told her that it would be difficult as I am leaving the country in just over a month (I am. I live and work abroad currently, but I am returning to the UK for at least a year) We usually just meet up for drinks. We have fun. And we have slept together.

    I have known Girl B for maybe a month longer than Girl A, and we hang out a lot more often. We get on really well. We go out to eat, see movies, visit different places, and for a long time I got the impression that she just wanted to be friends, which was fine with me as I knew I was moving away (She is also aware of this) But recently, despite her not saying it, she has been showing obvious signs that she would like to be more than friends. Including a very thoughtful valentines present a couple of days ago! I like her a lot, and it'd hurt if she found out about Girl A and thought that I had intentionally deceived her.

    Both girls continue to invite me to hang out regularly, but I have begun to feel uncomfortable about everything. I haven't lied to either of them, and I am not in a relationship with either of them, but something doesn't feel right. I am not the type of guy that would see two girls simultaneously, and I don't want to hurt either of them, or lose their friendship.

    As Girl B has become one of my closest friends in this country, I really fear hurting her in anyway. She still hasn't made her feelings towards me entirely clear, but if she did ever come out and say that she liked me, I would probably tell her that I felt the same way. I do like her, but with me leaving next month, and given what has happened with Girl A, it's difficult. Meanwhile Girl A has asked me to go away for the weekend with her in a couple of weeks, and I just have no idea what to say to that.

    Can anybody offer any advice? :confused:
    Think you should try to find out whether girl 2 has any romantic interest in you as you seem to like her more. As you are going away i wouldn't promise them anything until you are back but girl 1 you should make clear that you see her as a friend.
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    make a ven diagram lol

    on a serious note i think your leaning towards Girl B
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    Do you think it'd be impossible for me to continue to hang out with Girl A, considering we slept together, if I was to admit my feelings towards Girl B?

    I don't think I could pluck up the courage to tell Girl B about Girl A. If Girl B has liked me since we met, i'd be scared of how she'd react to me telling her that it happened since we've been hanging out. So continuing to see Girl A even as a friend could be dangerous.

    But then, Girl A has no reason to think anything is up right now, and we're good friends, so it'd suck to suddenly cut all ties.
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    (Original post by Osc-31)
    Do you think it'd be impossible for me to continue to hang out with Girl A, considering we slept together, if I was to admit my feelings towards Girl B?

    I don't think I could pluck up the courage to tell Girl B about Girl A. If Girl B has liked me since we met, i'd be scared of how she'd react to me telling her that it happened since we've been hanging out. So continuing to see Girl A even as a friend could be dangerous.

    But then, Girl A has no reason to think anything is up right now, and we're good friends, so it'd suck to suddenly cut all ties.
    Find out if B likes you- you don't have to talk to her about A.But don't cut ties with A suddenly. It would honestly hurt her so much more because she wouldn't know why, be gradual- but honest and just say you've met someone.
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    Do you have any romantic feelings towards Girl A? You clearly like Girl B more and so I'd personally tell Girl A that you're sorry but you like someone else and progress things along with Girl B to see what happens. I don't necessarily think you need to tell Girl B about Girl A as you aren't together and it's not 100% her business to know who you slept with or saw in your free time while you were hanging out as friends. I definitely wouldn't carry on seeing both though, you know yourself that that isn't right. Pick one and go for it.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    Do you have any romantic feelings towards Girl A?.
    I guess I did yeah, although it was very early stages as we'd only known each other a few weeks. But since Girl B has began to show signs that she likes me in that way, all I can really think about is making sure that I don't hurt her in anyway.

    Ideally i'd keep them both as friends. If that came at the cost of a romantic relationship with either of them, then i'd accept that. But I can't see either relationship being improved by me rejecting them, should it come to that! So that's something I would love to avoid, but realitically probably can't
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    (Original post by Osc-31)
    I guess I did yeah, although it was very early stages as we'd only known each other a few weeks. But since Girl B has began to show signs that she likes me in that way, all I can really think about is making sure that I don't hurt her in anyway.

    Ideally i'd keep them both as friends. If that came at the cost of a romantic relationship with either of them, then i'd accept that. But I can't see either relationship being improved by me rejecting them, should it come to that! So that's something I would love to avoid, but realitically probably can't
    I'd say it'd be difficult being in a relationship with Girl B and staying close friends with Girl A without Girl B ever finding out or knowing about you having slept with her. I know I certainly wouldn't be okay with it. I think you should make it clear to girl A that things between you are strictly platonic and distance yourself a little if you really want things to work with Girl B. If you don't want to do that, I'd say you're likely looking at just friendship with them both.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    I'd say you're likely looking at just friendship with them both.
    This isn't something i'm opposed to. That's how it was a few weeks ago, and it was a whole lot easier! As I said, I like Girl B, but I have always held off telling her that as i'm leaving in a month and I was happy with our relationship as it was.

    So do you think it'd be wrong of me to go away for a couple of days with Girl A, even as friends? I still haven't given her an answer.
    A couple of weeks ago I wouldn't have hesitated. Her, Girl B, and my housemates are the only people that I really hang around with. My housemates are usually too busy with work/school to travel too far, so I wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to go somewhere new with one of the only other two people that I am friends with in this country. But these new developments make me feel like i'm sneaking around, and i'm not enjoying it!

    It's a confusing situation... Girl B hasn't made her feelings clear to me, i'm still not sure what she wants in truth, but the signs are there so I don't want to lie to her in anyway. But if I did go away with Girl A I don't think I could tell her tbh. I'd be too scared of what she thought, as a close friend, or potential future girlfriend (even if that does seem far off at the moment. I can't see myself pushing for it so close to my leaving date).

    When you say that I clearly like Girl B more, you're not wrong, but I value both of their friendships.
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    (Original post by Osc-31)
    This isn't something i'm opposed to. That's how it was a few weeks ago, and it was a whole lot easier! As I said, I like Girl B, but I have always held off telling her that as i'm leaving in a month and I was happy with our relationship as it was.

    So do you think it'd be wrong of me to go away for a couple of days with Girl A, even as friends? I still haven't given her an answer.
    A couple of weeks ago I wouldn't have hesitated. Her, Girl B, and my housemates are the only people that I really hang around with. My housemates are usually too busy with work/school to travel too far, so I wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to go somewhere new with one of the only other two people that I am friends with in this country. But these new developments make me feel like i'm sneaking around, and i'm not enjoying it!

    It's a confusing situation... Girl B hasn't made her feelings clear to me, i'm still not sure what she wants in truth, but the signs are there so I don't want to lie to her in anyway. But if I did go away with Girl A I don't think I could tell her tbh. I'd be too scared of what she thought, as a close friend, or potential future girlfriend (even if that does seem far off at the moment. I can't see myself pushing it so close to my leaving date).

    When you say that I clearly like Girl B more, you're not wrong, but I value both of their friendships.
    Personally, if it was me in your situation, I would not go away for the weekend with Girl A. She's told you she likes you and you haven't said you don't like her in return, so clearly for her it will be a weekend away as more than just friends, regardless of how *you* see it. If Girl B knew you were going away with someone else for a weekend after giving you that lovely Valentines gift you mentioned, I'm willing to bet she would feel absolutely shattered and upset (if she likes you which the gift suggests she does). Can you really go away for a whole weekend without her knowing? Can you guarantee nothing sexual will happen with Girl A while you're with her? Would you feel okay entering into a relationship with Girl B later on and keeping this information from her?

    Going away with Girl A will complicate things even further. Girl A will think you like her and stuff may happen and Girl B may find out and be hurt, either now or in the future. It's up to you in the end but yeah, expect drama.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
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    You're probably right.

    I can't see a friendship surviving with Girl A after I tell her that I can't go with her. If we can't do that, there are probably many other things that would also be inappropriate.
    Which is frustrating, as my relationship with Girl B and her feelings towards me are still up in the air. I've been tempted on a number of occasions to just ask her, but part of me doesn't want to jump into anything when i'm about to leave the country. I'm happy with our relationship as it is tbh.

    Annoyingly, I want to visit the place Girl A suggested we go, and as i'm done with work and plan to travel before I leave, I probably will... but on my own I guess :lol:

    .... I think I need some male friends.
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    (Original post by Osc-31)
    You're probably right.

    I can't see a friendship surviving with Girl A after I tell her that I can't go with her. If we can't do that, there are probably many other things that would also be inappropriate.
    Which is frustrating, as my relationship with Girl B and her feelings towards me are still up in the air. I've been tempted on a number of occasions to just ask her, but part of me doesn't want to jump into anything when i'm about to leave the country. I'm happy with our relationship as it is tbh.

    Annoyingly, I want to visit the place Girl A suggested we go, and as i'm done with work and plan to travel before I leave, I probably will... but on my own I guess :lol:

    .... I think I need some male friends.
    If the friendship doesn't survive you not going away for the weekend with her then was it really a very good friendship in the first place? Or even a "friendship" at all? How long are you out of the country for? Is a LDR not appealing to you/her? You can always have a talk with her about how you feel about each other before you go, at least then if it goes badly you won't be seeing her for a while since you're leaving and it won't be too awkward having to be around each other (not that it won't go well, idk) it's good to know where you stand and personally I'd consider broaching the subject with her before I left. Whatever you do, I hope it works out for you. Maybe you should ask Girl B to go to this place with you..? Perfect chance to see how she feels.

    Yeah, sure sounds it! haha
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    If the friendship doesn't survive you not going away for the weekend with her then was it really a very good friendship in the first place? Or even a "friendship" at all? How long are you out of the country for?
    I mean, because if I start to pick and choose when I feel it's okay to hang out with her and when it isn't, it's probably not the most practical basis for a friendship.
    Also, she's out of the city at the moment, so I wasn't going to see her for the next two weeks anyway. The next time would have been when she wanted to go away. After that i'll only have 3 weeks or so left in the country.

    I'll probably be in the UK for at least a year. But I don't know at the moment.

    I would like to ask Girl B to travel somewhere with me, that'd be good, but as her work schedule currently dictates when we meet as it is... I can't imagine she'll have the time for anything more than a day trip. Maybe though. No harm in trying I guess.
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    (Original post by Osc-31)
    I mean, because if I start to pick and choose when I feel it's okay to hang out with her and when it isn't, it's not the best basis for a friendship is it?
    Also, she's out of the city at the moment, so I wasn't going to see her for the next two weeks anyway. The next time would have been when she wanted to go away. After that i'll only have 3 weeks or so left in the country, and she'll be back at work.

    I'll probably be in the UK for at least a year. But I don't know at the moment.

    I would like to ask Girl B to travel somewhere with me, that'd be good, but as her work schedule currently dictates when we meet as it is... I can't imagine she'll have the time for anything more than a day trip. Maybe though. No harm in trying I guess.
    I wouldn't say it's picking and choosing.. I personally think it's beyond the realms of normal friendship for a male and female to go away together for a weekend, especially when one of them has told the other they like them in a romantic way. That isn't friendship right there, that's a romantic weekend away. Make it clear to her that you don't see her like that/can't offer her that right now and keep your hanging out strictly platonic, as it should be as "friends".

    There is definitely no harm in asking her, she might have some days off stored up she could use or something. Even if you just go away together for one night it's something. Sucks you'll be going away but may as well see what happens with her before then, she might like you enough to do LDR.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
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    Thanks for the advice!

    I'll let you know if there are any developments
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    (Original post by Osc-31)
    Thanks for the advice!

    I'll let you know if there are any developments
    No problem and good luck!
 
 
 
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