Huge title, right?
I wanted to clear my head and get someone else's perspective on this. Since just before Christmas i found, through various different websites like yourbrainonporn.com and reddit, forums on what's called "Nofap" - men (mostly) who have cut out porn, masturbation AND orgasm (pmo for short) from their lives, and the ridiculous improvements it has made to their character and their relationship with people (especially women) - they report such things as a huge increase in self-confidence, and an almost non-existence of rejection anxiety, together with reports of total strangers chasing after them and women sponaneously eyef******g them. (this last bit has happened to me).
I myself have experience being stared at by almost every woman (especially the hot ones). But my past has been non-existant as far as girls then women go - i'm in my 30's and a virgin, and females have always treated me like what i can only describe as a "walking bad smell". I have never tried with a woman because i know what the outcome will be - rejection and/or laughter. This is not an over-statement - it's the absolute truth.
This is in the past what has driven me t'wards porn, and something completely unrelated - the desire to get mentally fit, physically buff, and to improve my all-round self-image and perhaphs find a new career - is what has led me to Nofap.
To the point: I have noticed what the Nofap community calls "superpowers" (which i never had before - at all!) like a huge increase in self-confidence and self-belief, the abilty to at last look people - esspecially gorgeous women - in the eye without feeling i have no right to, the abilty to hold a conversation with a passing woman and be funny as hell - where before i'd be a stuttering bowl of jelly!
All of these things are awesome, and have boosted my confidence even more, but one thing i still can't get right is my over-all attitude towards women in general. I sort of still "hate them" for the way they treated me in the past, and have zero desire to even have a relationship with one.
I'm confused and don't know which path is right for me - the path where i develop my confidence, flirting skills and conversational humour to eventually reach the stage where i can approach a woman (and probably STILL get rejected!), or the safer route of treating women like asexual beings or "female men", and feeling NO arousal for any one of them (either choice would be deliberate).
I hope someone can *****slap me into finding my gonnads, but maybe they're safer never seeing the light of day!
Any replies appreciated, and again, apologies for the length of post!
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Nofap, growing self-confidence, and being ignored in the past... watch
- Thread Starter
- 16-02-2016 20:28
- Community Assistant
- 16-02-2016 22:30
Look up 'confirmation bias'.
You've been going 'oh, I am not worthy...' and that's not an attitude that's particularly attractive. So there's a spiral of 'not worthy' -> not getting any nice attention -> 'not worthy', and repeat.
Now, you've been going 'I am better' and - gosh - seeing signs of that.
Step one, treat people who happen to be female as people and see what happens.