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Could I get any feedback on my short story? Watch

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    One of my hobbies is writing and I've been doing it for a while. This is the first story I actually posted online though and I was wondering what people thought of it. Thanks in advance

    https://www.wattpad.com/197594194-dystopia
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    are you deliberately using a very casual and conversation like language in this piece of writing? cause when I read the first paragraph it feels like it........and I do think the first paragraph do set the tone, pace and the atmosphere for the rest of the story.
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    sorry to be honest if I am to read it for entertainment, I would lose interest quite soon, because don't think the words and sentences flow well and link together enough to create any visual movement or feelings in it. I think it would have been much better if you put more descriptions of places, feelings, and my favourite friend - connectives in it. You can also try using different linguistic devices such as similie and metaphor or personification, just to exagerate somethings and make it more engaging for the audiences.
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    Hi, I'll be replying to you on Wattpad, I apologise if I appear too critical at any point
 
 
 
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