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my friend's problems

This isn’t really my problem; it’s to do with one of my friends. He’s really quiet, and he doesn’t talk about himself that much, so when he has a problem he doesn’t talk to anyone, just gets a bit depressed and usually drinks his problems away – he doesn’t do this often but it obviously doesn’t help. Sometimes this happens at gatherings and parties and stuff, and I’m just wondering how to broach the subject with him – obviously I can’t force him to tell me what’s wrong but I can’t just leave it – and it doesn’t really feel enough to say ‘I hope you’re ok, tell me if you want but don’t worry if you don’t want.” Also because he’s so quiet we don’t really talk about personal stuff much, and it would sound a bit odd and out of place. I’m just worried about him, there’s obviously something wrong but he bottles it up and won’t tell anyone. What should I do?

Reply 1

generalebriety

I understand completely. I have a couple of friends who are like that. I suppose the only way to approach him is to be straight with him and tell him you'd feel better if he opened up a little bit, but in the end it's his choice, and some people just prefer to keep their own lives to themselves. It's saddening, but it's true.

Reply 2

wackysparkle

well if you are not so close to him then it would be kinda awkward to ask him what is bothering him - especially if it is a personal problem
Have you tried talking with mutual friends? perhaps someone who is closer to him that you are? - just tell them that you are worried about him but you don't want to just bring it up as you don't really know him that well and it would be very awkward - perhaps they can help him out

Reply 3

AverageGuyOnTheStreet

I hope, for his sake, that he is able to open up to somebody sooner rather than later. I used to be like him as a teenager, mainly out of fear for me as I was bullied in year 6 and never recovered. One night it all came out in the worst possible way because I had let my problems build up for 9 years, unable to talk to anyone. Also, alcohol is never the answer. If you drink to make your problems go away then they will only come back worse (hypothetical you, of course). I know as I have been there, an event that contributed to my idea of giving up alcohol for the time being.

As for advice, I will try my best but you might want to ignore me. One of my friends knew that there was something wrong when I was always the quiet one and he also knew that I was miserable on my course. On the day I officially dropped out (I'd been planning to drop out for a while before so stopped attending lectures etc) he met up with me and encouraged me to open up about my problems, just by being a friend. I did this and as a result felt much better. I was no longer alone. I think that you should just be a good friend so that he chooses to open up in his time. It took me at least a couple of hours to know that I could completely trust my friend and therefore was able to explain the full extent of the situation.

Sorry if that was a load of rubbish, it's just that your friend's situation sounds very similar to what mine was as a teenager and I do not want him to go through what I've been through.