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    When I'm at home I hate it. I feel like I am just there not because my parents love me or want to care for me, but instead I am there because I have to be. At the moment I have to stay inside 24/7 doing non-stop revision for mock exams that are not the real ones. Seriously, I have not been allowed to leave at all so far this week. I try to explain to my parents that it's just a practice for when I am in Year 11 but they do not understand. Whenever I start talking, I am immediately cut off and dismissed. I have no importance to them whatsoever. Anything I suggest that could help or be beneficial to me is never listened to. Instead I am shouted at and told to go back to my room. I am a high achiever at school and always gain the top marks but I am never praised for this. They shout at me if I get a B on an exam. I think I am the least favoured child in the family. My oldest brother had the same done to him and because of all the stress and pressure put on him, his GCSE's went quite bad. Unfortunately, they are doing the same to me and all I ever hear is that if I don't get all A's and A*'s I am going to be pretty much disowned. I feel sad every day at home and whenever I get a two hour break to go out one or two days a week, I feel very reluctant to go home. All they do is try to strike fear on me. They insult me and tell me attitude is disgusting. I have put more dedication into my education that 99% of my year group. I feel that this stress, pressure and sadness is going to affect my future. I don't know what to do or say back because nothing can ever make them understand. I just cry alone and talk to my girlfriend when I can. She tells me about how she enjoys being at home and that half-term should be a time to relax. I don't know what to do so I was wondering if there was any suggestions on how I could deal with this..physically and mentally. It's hurting my relationship and it's turning me depressed.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    When I'm at home I hate it. I feel like I am just there not because my parents love me or want to care for me, but instead I am there because I have to be. At the moment I have to stay inside 24/7 doing non-stop revision for mock exams that are not the real ones. Seriously, I have not been allowed to leave at all so far this week. I try to explain to my parents that it's just a practice for when I am in Year 11 but they do not understand. Whenever I start talking, I am immediately cut off and dismissed. I have no importance to them whatsoever. Anything I suggest that could help or be beneficial to me is never listened to. Instead I am shouted at and told to go back to my room. I am a high achiever at school and always gain the top marks but I am never praised for this. They shout at me if I get a B on an exam. I think I am the least favoured child in the family. My oldest brother had the same done to him and because of all the stress and pressure put on him, his GCSE's went quite bad. Unfortunately, they are doing the same to me and all I ever hear is that if I don't get all A's and A*'s I am going to be pretty much disowned. I feel sad every day at home and whenever I get a two hour break to go out one or two days a week, I feel very reluctant to go home. All they do is try to strike fear on me. They insult me and tell me attitude is disgusting. I have put more dedication into my education that 99% of my year group. I feel that this stress, pressure and sadness is going to affect my future. I don't know what to do or say back because nothing can ever make them understand. I just cry alone and talk to my girlfriend when I can. She tells me about how she enjoys being at home and that half-term should be a time to relax. I don't know what to do so I was wondering if there was any suggestions on how I could deal with this..physically and mentally. It's hurting my relationship and it's turning me depressed.
    What you're going through sounds tough.

    You don't say what your parents' background is but I suspect that it might explain why they are putting so much pressure on you and your brother.

    In my experience as a teacher, there are basically two ways to motivate people:
    - positive encouragement - tell them where they are doing well; make them believe that they can do things.
    - negative encouragement - tell them they're not up to scratch and they're just going to have to do better.

    Personally, with my pupils and with my own sons, I work on positive encouragement: I find it reduces stress and gives people a sense of achievement and self-belief. However, I know from some of my pupils (more often girls than boys, on the whole) that they actually prefer negative encouragement: they say that it prevents them slacking and they prefer knowing where their weaknesses are and that they need to keep on working.

    Again, in my experience, when parents apply negative encouragement, this is because this is what they were brought up with themselves and they don't understand how positive encouragement works. In their experience, praise gives an excuse to stop making an effort. So a parent who constantly criticises a high-flying son/daughter is doing this out of a sense of pride - what they are actually saying is: "keep going, you're doing so well!". The trouble is that the son/daughter doesn't always understand that underlying message and sees it as you do - pressure, denigration, humiliation.

    I don't know to what extent you can talk to your parents about this? Just very quietly, without getting upset, say something like: "I know you want me to do as well as possible. You know, I really want to do as well as possible too! And I appreciate what you are doing for me. But sometimes, I find it difficult when you don't give me credit for my achievements. I would like to feel that you are pleased with me. When you criticise me, I feel sad and discouraged." The trick is not to talk about them, but about you. That way they won't go on the defensive because they don't feel attacked.

    I think the key to coping with this difficult situation is to try to understand why your parents are behaving like this: did they have this kind of thing from their own parents? Do they ever praise anyone? How do they react to criticism and praise themselves? Don't forget that they can't give anything that they haven't ever received themselves, so it might actually be very difficult for them to give you the positive encouragement that you need from them - they might simply not have the tools to do that.
 
 
 
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