okay this is really hard for me to write about but i want to understand men better and grow as a person and just understand how to not bend rules whenever i go through a really bad break up
my boyfriend and i were together for 2 years. i suffer with depression, but at the time i met him i was getting a lot better, and he was suffering with depression. he made a suicide attempt, which i saved his life from. at the time i wasn't interested in him, and it got messy, but the main reason he wanted to die was because he felt like he belonged to nobody and his parents put a lot of pressure on him to do well and said cruel things to him, and he felt like a spare bit in his friendship group.
i'm glad to say i changed all of that. but then we went to uni last september and he changed completely and started drinking loads and going out, so i thought "fair enough, his uni experience, he has to enjoy himself". he then started to neglect me a lot and i've found uni really hard, in fact i've been depressed for about a solid 5 and a half months until he broke up with me because when i confronted him about everything and i said i wanted to be together more and talk more (even on Skype he'd just sit on his phone in front of me and not talk properly because he was so engrossed in his new life)
he'd made so many promises to me throughout our relationship, that he'd give long distance a real go and stay in contact with me, but we'd just go for ages where he'd neglect me, make promises to speak to me and then never turn up, and he just really hurt me more. it made me even more depressed.
he couldn't take it, or the responsibility of us, and he didn't want to support me, so he broke it off with me and kept saying we weren't getting back together again, "end of story", that he'd "be okay in a few days" and when i said i loved him he said "none of that matters". these things really hurt, especially when all of this was over text and he couldn't say it to my face or over the phone.
i accept he couldn't support me or understand even though he's been through the same stuff... he's not spoke to me in a week since we broke up. and i accept i made plenty of mistakes too..and i'm just finding it hard, i'm not talking to him, i'm giving him space, but the issue is i'm sort of transferring to same uni as him because of cost problems at the current uni i'm at, and it's the only uni that has the same course as the one here (so i completely made this decision regardless of my ex, and i still wanna go there)
i'm not sure i want to rekindle our relationship because he's hurt me so much and he just wants to be a 19 year old guy and i feel like i've been betrayed
but since he broke up with me i've sort of been able to feel, like i'm no longer this robot i was in a depressive state...
i don't know what to do i don't know if i should even speak to him one day but i want to be friends because i hate animosity, it depresses me further, and i think regardless of the selfish man he's become, i still think he's a good friend. it's not because i'm unwilling to let go of him, it's just being at the same uni, it's not as easy.
the worst part is, and it sounds awful of me, but i was too good for him, i was smarter, and i'm prettier and more confident and more fun and i'm talented at poetry and published (these are things i've been realising with counselling and my mother helping me to love myself) and i almost want him to regret making such an erratic snap decision but at the same time i want him to be happy..
i'm just so confused at the end he said he loved me and hoped we could be friends someday after all the horrid bluntness, which made it worse cos i'm trying to forget the fact he still loves me when i clearly need to move on
what do men even want when stuff like this happens?
i need help with space and stuff Watch
- Thread Starter
- 19-02-2016 20:52
- 20-02-2016 05:29
Rebounding to the same person after you think they've changed isn't usually a good idea, it might just end even worse.
You must not regret what you have already had, two good years with good feeling and a satisfaction you both made a positive impact on each other.
My advice, straight up, is take advantage of your new situation in life, move on if you feel you're ready and find other people to have a relationship with. Universities are big places, you don't pass everybody you know in the hall all the time.
If you think he is genuinely enjoying his new life at uni, then there's not much you can do to change his mind about you and you'll need to move on.
It's up to you, but things do come to an end sadly, moves to university are a common cause of breakups - most do break up with their pre-university relationship soon after arriving. You'll meet a lot of new people, when moving uni, take it as a fresh start. Whether you want to be friends with him or not is your prerogative, but distance often makes these situations easier.
I wish you all the best.