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    We got talking over the Christmas Holidays but couldn't get together because we were home for the holidays so we planned a date to get together when we were both back in the same town again.

    Anyway the time eventually comes after a few weeks and she flakes on me. I give her a second chance and she flakes on me again. I go no contact on her clearly thinking she is not interested afterall.

    2 weeks later of not talking to her I hit her up again for a laugh basically teasing her for flaking on me perhaps immaturely on my part with no serious intentions of planning a date or anything. Anyway, as it turns out she ends up admitting she is genuinely interested and even told me that she talked about me to her friends but because she flaked on me twice she thought I would be annoyed at her and that as a consequence I would have lost interest in her and as a result she didn't bother trying to contact me.

    Seeing as It sounds like she was being truthful, I decide to give her one last final chance. This time she turns up, living up to her promise that she would, we have a good first date, she laughs and smiles at pretty much everything I say and she texts me shortly after the date saying she had a great time and would love to do it again etc.

    We get together for a second date this time and again everything goes well, at the end of the night I give her a quick kiss and wish her goodnight.

    2 days later (this is the day prior to Valentines day on the 13th) SHE takes the initiative to my surprise and invites ME to a night out with her and her friends which I accept, this makes me think she is interested. We have a good night out and we escalate a lot more than previously. I kiss her a few times and even quickly make out at one point and on the way home we held hands in front of her friends which I took as a pretty good sign she likes me and is comfortable with me to do that especially in front of her friends.

    I asked her out for Valentines day at the end of our second date because well It's valentines day and I thought I'd take the chance on asking her out in fear of perhaps looking insensitive or disinterested if I were to not ask her out. She originally accepted but then the morning of Valentines day I get a text saying she can't make it as she "forgot" she had already made plans with friends.

    Although i'm not bothered by this all that much at all as we had already been on a date the Thursday prior to Valentines day and the day before too when she invited me out with her friends so I'm quite happy and I certainly do not expect her to take me as priority over her friends so early on, especially if her friends are single and she probably would have felt bad dumping them to come see me instead on Valentines Day. By this point I also start to notice she is taking a few hours to respond to texts which is unusual for her by past standards.

    Few days later I hit her up see if she is still interested in getting together for the 3rd date I suggested last time but didn't come to fruition which she says she is, we set it for Saturday and I called her up to confirm the date and finalize details the night before but she didn't respond. I leave her a text just confirming whether we're still on and she texts me a few hours later using an excuse similar to that she used last time that she "forgot" she had already made plans with friends and won't be able to make it.

    I feel like she is messing with my emotions as stated earlier she invited me out after going on 2 dates together which seemingly went well and the last time we were together we were kissing, holding hands in front of her friends which all gave me the impression she was interested but now all of this has led me to question all of this all of a sudden and I'm left bewildered.

    How should I respond to this, should I ignore her text and leave the ball in her court so to speak to get in touch if she is truly interested?

    Thanks for reading, apologies for the long read. Any advice is appreciated.
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    Tell her to contact you when she's free, as she's so busy all the time. Then just get on with the rest of your life - knowing that you gave her control over the situation.
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    Sounds like bad news. Leave the ball in her court and focus on a Plan B
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    I'm a girl and i know to guys it's annoying but girls tend to prefer to take things slow. I have witnessed so many friends get into relationships and when the guy ended the relationship the girls have been an emotional wreck and are no longer the same person. Therefore this girl might be thinking that she doesn't want to rush into because she doesn't want to get hurt or she's not completely sure what you want!

    Make sure she knows how you feel, it might seem obvious to you but to her she might be worried that she's got it wrong and that it was an occasional thing. Sometimes we think guys only want to do stuff with us and not have a relationship, so make sure you hint at how you feel about her and what you want! If you meet her unless she is up for it don't do anything more than just a kiss because she will think you are just using her.

    Also don't ignore her because that will ruin any chance and make her think you've gone off her. I know it's annoying but be patient.

    If the messages have been good- like flirty and a bit of banter from both of you this is often a good sign, also if she opens up to you about something or tells you something personal this could also mean she's into you. See what happens!
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    (Original post by leo_147)
    I'm a girl and i know to guys it's annoying but girls tend to prefer to take things slow. I have witnessed so many friends get into relationships and when the guy ended the relationship the girls have been an emotional wreck and are no longer the same person. Therefore this girl might be thinking that she doesn't want to rush into because she doesn't want to get hurt or she's not completely sure what you want!

    Make sure she knows how you feel, it might seem obvious to you but to her she might be worried that she's got it wrong and that it was an occasional thing. Sometimes we think guys only want to do stuff with us and not have a relationship, so make sure you hint at how you feel about her and what you want! If you meet her unless she is up for it don't do anything more than just a kiss because she will think you are just using her.

    Also don't ignore her because that will ruin any chance and make her think you've gone off her. I know it's annoying but be patient.

    If the messages have been good- like flirty and a bit of banter from both of you this is often a good sign, also if she opens up to you about something or tells you something personal this could also mean she's into you. See what happens!
    I did suggest a movie night for our third date so perhaps there might be an element of her thinking sex is implied and she may feel uncomfortable with this and want to take it slow as you suggest. However, when I did suggest the movie night I also stated we could do something else if she liked but she didn't say something else would be better so.

    I was just going to ignore her and move on to be honest, I haven't replied back to her last excuse flake text yet.

    She already flaked twice before we even had our first date which wasn't a good first impression at all. However, I'll admit if I hadn't come back 2 weeks later and carried on ignoring her as I did then like I'm doing now then we would have never went on the two dates we've been on.

    But she has flaked twice in a row now using the same what sounds like an obvious fake excuse that she suddenly out of nowhere "forgot" or "remembered" that she had already made plans with friends when she had originally agreed to the date. I think anyone in their right mind would, after the second time using such an excuse would come to the conclusion that it's a load of rubbish

    In fact, after she flaked on me twice (before we went on our first date and after I gave her one final chance) i had mind to tell her that it is mature and polite for the person who cancels to be the one to reschedule. So If she's interested she should know what to do.

    The irony is she's a psychology student and from what i've gathered by her way of treating an disrespecting me like this she's very good at playing with my head and making me feel like i'm on a sort of psychological rollercoaster.
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    (Original post by Ruffiio)
    I did suggest a movie night for our third date so perhaps there might be an element of her thinking sex is implied and she may feel uncomfortable with this and want to take it slow as you suggest. However, when I did suggest the movie night I also stated we could do something else if she liked but she didn't say something else would be better so.

    I was just going to ignore her and move on to be honest, I haven't replied back to her last excuse flake text yet.

    She already flaked twice before we even had our first date which wasn't a good first impression at all. However, I'll admit if I hadn't come back 2 weeks later and carried on ignoring her as I did then like I'm doing now then we would have never went on the two dates we've been on.

    But she has flaked twice in a row now using the same what sounds like an obvious fake excuse that she suddenly out of nowhere "forgot" or "remembered" that she had already made plans with friends when she had originally agreed to the date. I think anyone in their right mind would, after the second time using such an excuse would come to the conclusion that it's a load of rubbish

    In fact, after she flaked on me twice (before we went on our first date and after I gave her one final chance) i had mind to tell her that it is mature and polite for the person who cancels to be the one to reschedule. So If she's interested she should know what to do.

    The irony is she's a psychology student and from what i've gathered by her way of treating an disrespecting me like this she's very good at playing with my head and making me feel like i'm on a sort of psychological rollercoaster.
    You should reply back and tell her 'ok whenever you are free let me know what you would like to do' and leave it at that you could wish her to have a good week as well etc so the balls in her court and she knows she would need to be the one to make an effort.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    You should reply back and tell her 'ok whenever you are free let me know what you would like to do' and leave it at that you could wish her to have a good week as well etc so the balls in her court and she knows she would need to be the one to make an effort.
    That is one option yes, although I'm a bit sceptical of going down this route as women are seemingly incapable of initiating (no offence) and let the man do all the initiating so it might put unwanted pressure on her to act. Although I do agree if a girl is interested she will act on it accordingly but again I'm sceptical for reasons above. Maybe in a perfect world.

    Would it be too confrontational to simply ask something along the lines of whether she is still interested in me/dating/getting together at some point, or whether I should quietly move on? I add quietly to reassure her that she can tell me the truth and that I won't go all crazy psycho on her for declaring her disinterest.

    edit; **** it I'm just going to put the ball in her court and completely move on. It yields the same result really, I guess I'll just have to settle for the non-straight-up non-concrete answer instead.
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    (Original post by Ruffiio)
    That is one option yes, although I'm a bit sceptical of going down this route as women are seemingly incapable of initiating (no offence) and let the man do all the initiating so it might put unwanted pressure on her to act. Although I do agree if a girl is interested she will act on it accordingly but again I'm sceptical for reasons above. Maybe in a perfect world.

    Would it be too confrontational to simply ask something along the lines of whether she is still interested in me/dating/getting together at some point, or whether I should quietly move on? I add quietly to reassure her that she can tell me the truth and that I won't go all crazy psycho on her for declaring her disinterest.

    edit; **** it I'm just going to put the ball in her court and completely move on. It yields the same result really, I guess I'll just have to settle for the non-straight-up non-concrete answer instead.
    Tell her to be honest with you whether she wants to be with you and say if she dosent its fine you will move on. Its not fair on you.
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    Should I move on from this girl?

    I have a rule. If I'm at the stage where I'm asking this question, the answer is always yes.
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    (Original post by AdjectiveNoun)
    Should I move on from this girl?I have a rule. If I'm at the stage where I'm asking this question, the answer is always yes.
    Sounds right, I think I'll hark back to this for future reference. If both parties are mutually interested there shouldn't be any space for doubt, which obviously isn't the case in this instance. Moving on. Cheers for the input everyone.
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    Play her at her own game.
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    A guy asked me round to his and I immediately jumped to conclusions. You probably aren't that kind of guy but to girls we don't always know that especially if we don't know a guy too well. Is there a possibility you invite her to a house party or club (depending on how old you are). It's not the best answer but sometimes alcohol can really solve a situation, and if she's shy then it might make it easier to find out what the situation between you and her is. Don't get too drunk just have enough to make you more confident and ask the question then if it all goes horribly wrong, the next day pop up and apologise and say it was the alcohol.

    Do you know any of her friends very well? I was talking to this guy a lot over messages and who I have known for 4 years now (the same guy who asked me round to his) he kept messaging my best friend for advice on the situation, she was then able to tell him how I actually felt, which was that I didn't like him more than just friends. I admit I lead him on, we even kissed a lot at a party, so unfortunately sometimes we girls do give guys false hope, and I seriously regret messing with his feelings now, but at the time I didn't know how he felt about me so I just thought it was harmless. This is why you need to both somehow tell each other how you feel. I don't know how because I did it through a friend. Also I kissed him at a party after having quite a bit to drink but I felt easier talking to him.

    She might be into you but she might be shy and doesn't know how you feel. Message her about something different (not a date) but something like an interest you both have or a joke and if she replies and continues the conversation then I'd say all was good, but if she doesn't then move on.

    I'm not sure if this helps but if you have any more questions feel free to ask.
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    (Original post by leo_147)
    A guy asked me round to his and I immediately jumped to conclusions. You probably aren't that kind of guy but to girls we don't always know that especially if we don't know a guy too well. Is there a possibility you invite her to a house party or club (depending on how old you are). It's not the best answer but sometimes alcohol can really solve a situation, and if she's shy then it might make it easier to find out what the situation between you and her is. Don't get too drunk just have enough to make you more confident and ask the question then if it all goes horribly wrong, the next day pop up and apologise and say it was the alcohol.

    Do you know any of her friends very well? I was talking to this guy a lot over messages and who I have known for 4 years now (the same guy who asked me round to his) he kept messaging my best friend for advice on the situation, she was then able to tell him how I actually felt, which was that I didn't like him more than just friends. I admit I lead him on, we even kissed a lot at a party, so unfortunately sometimes we girls do give guys false hope, and I seriously regret messing with his feelings now, but at the time I didn't know how he felt about me so I just thought it was harmless. This is why you need to both somehow tell each other how you feel. I don't know how because I did it through a friend. Also I kissed him at a party after having quite a bit to drink but I felt easier talking to him. I don't know any of her friends that well at all, the only time I've met them was a brief encounter when she invited me out with her and her friends on that night out.

    She might be into you but she might be shy and doesn't know how you feel. Message her about something different (not a date) but something like an interest you both have or a joke and if she replies and continues the conversation then I'd say all was good, but if she doesn't then move on.

    I'm not sure if this helps but if you have any more questions feel free to ask.
    Thanks for your reply. She did invite me out to a night out with her mates and we went clubbing and that's when we kissed a few times and held hands, (what happened was I actually put my hand casually on her hip and she took my hand and directed it to her hand and held on so I guess she initiated it even though I would have eventually done it myself anyway)

    I hadn't even saw her drink any alcohol the whole night besides 1 drink so I don't think she was drunk and she was next to me the whole night, I did have a few though and might of been a bit too touchy feely and combined with asking her out for a movie night a few days previously she probably got the wrong impression (although to be fair it was the third date so I'm not going to lie I was planning on making a move sexually) but am also interested in her more than that

    I eventually sent her a text this morning leaving the ballon her court, telling her to let me know if she's still interested so we can get together and do something else if she likes. I went for a nap before and woke up to a notification saying she had followed me on instagram and she texted me back saying she should be free "this week"
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    (Original post by Ruffiio)
    Thanks for your reply. She did invite me out to a night out with her mates and we went clubbing and that's when we kissed a few times and held hands, (what happened was I actually put my hand casually on her hip and she took my hand and directed it to her hand and held on so I guess she initiated it even though I would have eventually done it myself anyway)

    I hadn't even saw her drink any alcohol the whole night besides 1 drink so I don't think she was drunk and she was next to me the whole night, I did have a few though and might of been a bit too touchy feely and combined with asking her out for a movie night a few days previously she probably got the wrong impression (although to be fair it was the third date so I'm not going to lie I was planning on making a move sexually) but am also interested in her more than that

    I eventually sent her a text this morning leaving the ballon her court, telling her to let me know if she's still interested so we can get together and do something else if she likes. I went for a nap before and woke up to a notification saying she had followed me on instagram and she texted me back saying she should be free "this week"
    I'd say she's into you then! Just be prepared to take things slow because that is what most girls like! I hope it goes well!
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    (Original post by leo_147)
    I'd say she's into you then! Just be prepared to take
    things slow because that is what most girls like! I hope it goes well!
    I guess so, she's very confusing though to be honest I'm getting tired of her flaking. I mean from start to finish she has flaked on me a total of 4 times. I don't think she realized how much leeway I'm giving her to be honest. I normally write women off if they flake on me twice. To be quite honest I actually don't feel like suggesting another date because she said she should be free "this week" which is very vague and sounds like she is setting up to flake on me again. So either she suggests a specific day to get together or I probably won't budge because I'm not risking my integrity for the third time in a row.
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    (Original post by Ruffiio)
    I guess so, she's very confusing though to be honest I'm getting tired of her flaking. I mean from start to finish she has flaked on me a total of 4 times. I don't think she realized how much leeway I'm giving her to be honest. I normally write women off if they flake on me twice. To be quite honest I actually don't feel like suggesting another date because she said she should be free "this week" which is very vague and sounds like she is setting up to flake on me again. So either she suggests a specific day to get together or I probably won't budge because I'm not risking my integrity for the third time in a row.
    Good idea just see what happens! But honestly girls can be vague because they don't want to look stupid if they have feelings for a guy but the guy doesn't have any for her!
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    (Original post by leo_147)
    Good idea just see what happens! But honestly girls can be vague because they don't want to look stupid if they have feelings for a guy but the guy doesn't have any for her!
    That's a good point and all but I'd wager to say If she doesn't gather the fact I like her from me kissing her, holding hands with her and asking her out on a THIRD date(on a persistent basis) then something is wrong lol.
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    (Original post by Ruffiio)
    That's a good point and all but I'd wager to say If she doesn't gather the fact I like her from me kissing her, holding hands with her and asking her out on a THIRD date(on a persistent basis) then something is wrong lol.
    I suppose. Oh but you obviously like her, and for your sake I hope she is just 'playing hard to get'!
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    My best friend plays that game with guys the whole time. You just have to play along until she finally gets bored and gives in.
 
 
 
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