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Long distance, long term relationship becoming unhealthy? watch

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    I don't know where to turn to about this problem.

    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, at first it wasn't long distance - only in the last 5 months it has been because we both went away for university and are now seven hours apart from each other, meaning of course we don't see each other regularly. Going from seeing each other everyday to very rarely was and still is extremely hard.

    I love him very much and I show him that as much as I can, I am constantly complimenting him, telling him I love him, buying him nice things, organising when to next see him. In return from him, I honestly get nothing. He will never ever compliment me, he would never insult me, but he has never told me I look good, when I ask when I'm next seeing him he gets touchy as if seeing me is a complete chore. Surely he should look forward to that, especially now that it's long distance and we're lucky to see each other once a month if that. He is very barely affectionate towards me, there have been times where I have told him I love him for him to completely disregard it. He exchanges about three text messages with me a day if I'm lucky and thinks that is reasonable, yet because we're so far away I think we should be talking way more. It just doesn't feel like a relationship anymore as we (he) never speaks.

    I feel like I am in a bad place. I don't feel very good about myself. My self confidence is completely zero, he makes me feel like I should hide away and that I am worthless. I cry way too often now and I just feel completely vulgar. I see other boyfriends who are happy to show their girlfriend off and are always want to make their girlfriend feel loved and wanted. I appreciate he can't do that 24/7, I don't want to be suffocated and that's not what I expect from him, but I literally do not receive any form of affection or reassurance from him. He is not at all bothered about me.

    Am I wrong for wanting him to change? Am I being too demanding? I ask him if he will talk to me more and be more loving in general, he says 'whatever I will' and never does. I can go days without hearing from him. I don't know what to do, as you can imagine if it was a short term relationship I'd end it instantly but this is just so hard.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know where to turn to about this problem.

    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, at first it wasn't long distance - only in the last 5 months it has been because we both went away for university and are now seven hours apart from each other, meaning of course we don't see each other regularly. Going from seeing each other everyday to very rarely was and still is extremely hard.

    I love him very much and I show him that as much as I can, I am constantly complimenting him, telling him I love him, buying him nice things, organising when to next see him. In return from him, I honestly get nothing. He will never ever compliment me, he would never insult me, but he has never told me I look good, when I ask when I'm next seeing him he gets touchy as if seeing me is a complete chore. Surely he should look forward to that, especially now that it's long distance and we're lucky to see each other once a month if that. He is very barely affectionate towards me, there have been times where I have told him I love him for him to completely disregard it. He exchanges about three text messages with me a day if I'm lucky and thinks that is reasonable, yet because we're so far away I think we should be talking way more. It just doesn't feel like a relationship anymore as we (he) never speaks.

    I feel like I am in a bad place. I don't feel very good about myself. My self confidence is completely zero, he makes me feel like I should hide away and that I am worthless. I cry way too often now and I just feel completely vulgar. I see other boyfriends who are happy to show their girlfriend off and are always want to make their girlfriend feel loved and wanted. I appreciate he can't do that 24/7, I don't want to be suffocated and that's not what I expect from him, but I literally do not receive any form of affection or reassurance from him. He is not at all bothered about me.

    Am I wrong for wanting him to change? Am I being too demanding? I ask him if he will talk to me more and be more loving in general, he says 'whatever I will' and never does. I can go days without hearing from him. I don't know what to do, as you can imagine if it was a short term relationship I'd end it instantly but this is just so hard.
    I think you need a chat with him to see where your future is going, its not fair on you and you deserve better he has grown distant.
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    There are lots of reasons I can give you for his behavior but I'll just say that typically long distance relationships don't tend to work. If you need a bit of space away from relationships that might be best.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know where to turn to about this problem.

    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, at first it wasn't long distance - only in the last 5 months it has been because we both went away for university and are now seven hours apart from each other, meaning of course we don't see each other regularly. Going from seeing each other everyday to very rarely was and still is extremely hard.

    I love him very much and I show him that as much as I can, I am constantly complimenting him, telling him I love him, buying him nice things, organising when to next see him. In return from him, I honestly get nothing. He will never ever compliment me, he would never insult me, but he has never told me I look good, when I ask when I'm next seeing him he gets touchy as if seeing me is a complete chore. Surely he should look forward to that, especially now that it's long distance and we're lucky to see each other once a month if that. He is very barely affectionate towards me, there have been times where I have told him I love him for him to completely disregard it. He exchanges about three text messages with me a day if I'm lucky and thinks that is reasonable, yet because we're so far away I think we should be talking way more. It just doesn't feel like a relationship anymore as we (he) never speaks.

    I feel like I am in a bad place. I don't feel very good about myself. My self confidence is completely zero, he makes me feel like I should hide away and that I am worthless. I cry way too often now and I just feel completely vulgar. I see other boyfriends who are happy to show their girlfriend off and are always want to make their girlfriend feel loved and wanted. I appreciate he can't do that 24/7, I don't want to be suffocated and that's not what I expect from him, but I literally do not receive any form of affection or reassurance from him. He is not at all bothered about me.

    Am I wrong for wanting him to change? Am I being too demanding? I ask him if he will talk to me more and be more loving in general, he says 'whatever I will' and never does. I can go days without hearing from him. I don't know what to do, as you can imagine if it was a short term relationship I'd end it instantly but this is just so hard.

    First of all have you spoken to him about any of this? If so what did he say? And if not you need to. Though be sure when approaching the issue not to get hostile, he'll be unlikely to take kindly to that and be less likely to listen to you.

    You're not in the wrong at all, I think you're being very reasonable. However you also have to take into account just because you want something in a relationship it does not necessarily mean the other person wants the same, in a healthy relationship a compromise can often be made but you both have to decide what you're happy with and if you want to continue this relationship.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    First of all have you spoken to him about any of this? If so what did he say? And if not you need to. Though be sure when approaching the issue not to get hostile, he'll be unlikely to take kindly to that and be less likely to listen to you.

    You're not in the wrong at all, I think you're being very reasonable. However you also have to take into account just because you want something in a relationship it does not necessarily mean the other person wants the same, in a healthy relationship a compromise can often be made but you both have to decide what you're happy with and if you want to continue this relationship.
    I have mentioned it more times than I can count because I am usually open with my feelings. He gets quite touchy, or just argumentative, says I'm being stupid or just gives me one word answers like 'whatever'.

    I get that, I've asked if he still wants to be with me and he says yes, but if he really did wouldn't he show it? I don't know
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have mentioned it more times than I can count because I am usually open with my feelings. He gets quite touchy, or just argumentative, says I'm being stupid or just gives me one word answers like 'whatever'.

    I get that, I've asked if he still wants to be with me and he says yes, but if he really did wouldn't he show it? I don't know
    Calling you stupid and just saying "whatever" is extremely disrespectful and show he just does not care.

    I think you need to make a decision, are you happy to stay in this relationship despite the fact he couldn't seem to care less about how you feel? Do you want to fight for thus relationship despite the fact he is seemingly unwilling to put any effort in? Or are you going to make the decision to leave him and find someone who gives a crap about you?

    Because from an outsiders perspective those seem to be the only logical options.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know where to turn to about this problem.

    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, at first it wasn't long distance - only in the last 5 months it has been because we both went away for university and are now seven hours apart from each other, meaning of course we don't see each other regularly. Going from seeing each other everyday to very rarely was and still is extremely hard.

    I love him very much and I show him that as much as I can, I am constantly complimenting him, telling him I love him, buying him nice things, organising when to next see him. In return from him, I honestly get nothing. He will never ever compliment me, he would never insult me, but he has never told me I look good, when I ask when I'm next seeing him he gets touchy as if seeing me is a complete chore. Surely he should look forward to that, especially now that it's long distance and we're lucky to see each other once a month if that. He is very barely affectionate towards me, there have been times where I have told him I love him for him to completely disregard it. He exchanges about three text messages with me a day if I'm lucky and thinks that is reasonable, yet because we're so far away I think we should be talking way more. It just doesn't feel like a relationship anymore as we (he) never speaks.

    I feel like I am in a bad place. I don't feel very good about myself. My self confidence is completely zero, he makes me feel like I should hide away and that I am worthless. I cry way too often now and I just feel completely vulgar. I see other boyfriends who are happy to show their girlfriend off and are always want to make their girlfriend feel loved and wanted. I appreciate he can't do that
    24/7, I don't want to be suffocated and that's not what I expect from him, but I literally do not receive any form of affection or reassurance from him. He is not at all bothered about me.

    Am I wrong for wanting him to change? Am I being too demanding? I ask him if he will talk to me more and be more loving in general, he says 'whatever I will' and never does. I can go days without hearing from him. I don't know what to do, as you can imagine if it was a short term relationship I'd end it instantly but this is just so hard.
    Long distance relationships don't work imo
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Calling you stupid and just saying "whatever" is extremely disrespectful and show he just does not care.

    I think you need to make a decision, are you happy to stay in this relationship despite the fact he couldn't seem to care less about how you feel? Do you want to fight for thus relationship despite the fact he is seemingly unwilling to put any effort in? Or are you going to make the decision to leave him and find someone who gives a crap about you?

    Because from an outsiders perspective those seem to be the only logical options.
    You are right, because if I knew of anyone else in my position I would tell them to ditch him straight away. Nobody should be made to feel unloved in a relationship, they should feel on top of the world (minus the normal argument here and there). I feel like the reason I can't bring myself to leave is because I do love him and I hate the thought of being alone.

    He must have some sort of issues with expressing emotion, he rarely bothers with his family either. I'm such a loving person but I am very unhappy, but I think I'd be more sad without him
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Long distance relationships don't work imo
    I see that now, ha
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You are right, because if I knew of anyone else in my position I would tell them to ditch him straight away. Nobody should be made to feel unloved in a relationship, they should feel on top of the world (minus the normal argument here and there). I feel like the reason I can't bring myself to leave is because I do love him and I hate the thought of being alone.

    He must have some sort of issues with expressing emotion, he rarely bothers with his family either. I'm such a loving person but I am very unhappy, but I think I'd be more sad without him

    Trust me when I say I've been in your position of being scared to leave because I thought id be too sad and that I still loved him. But leaving him was the right decision to make. Otherwise what are you going to do? Stay in an unhappy relationship til he eventually leaves anyway? Or be lonely for a while and find someone better?

    Staying in a relationship because you're too scared to be alone is a terrible reason to stay in a relationship.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    . I'm such a loving person but I am very unhappy, but I think I'd be more sad without him
    I feel the same. I'm going through something similar. I love the person I'm involved with so so much and he does love me but it feels like he doesn't need me as much as I need him and I want to live with him and he doesn't want to live with anyone.

    It's so hard because when you love someone it's hard to know what is and isn't a cut of point for either deciding to continue or walk away.

    So I don't know the answer but I can empathise with your post.
 
 
 
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