The Student Room Group

Single, and I need a solution soon

I'll just give you all the gist of this. I'm over 19 and a half, I've never had a proper girlfriend, the longest "relationship" I've had being three days, and no matter what I try, I'm always heading towards the future I've foreseen - alone, bitter, and hateful towards the world.

I go to the places in the city where a rocker like me might be able to meet someone, and still, it all ends the same - I'm always the "good friend" who only gets the hug or the kiss on the cheek at the end of the night for looking after, and it's killing me. If nothing drastic changes soon, I may well end up drinking myself into oblivion, or worse.

Someone help, please. Because the "friends" I've had, who've said they'd try to help have done nothing for me. In fact, they've often done the opposite - make sure they get some in front of me to make me even more so depressed.

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Stop trying.

If you view being single as a problem you're never going to get anywhere because it's such a hang up.

When you meet somebody you're right for, you'll know about it - until then just be happy with who you are and get on with life.
As the only single person in my flat, surrounded by a sea of couples in the block, it's hard not to care. Especially since a relationship or even a one night stand is the only thing I cannot achieve.
Reply 3
There's no need to go all drastic mate. I see relations all around me and it's really nothing to worry about being a singly! The day will come, the less you look and just enjoy life instead of worrying over something so menial, the more chance something WILL happen.

Go out, be confident, just talk to people without the intention of going any further and you'll be surprised.

Good luck!
I've realised that I should enjoy the friendships I have, and enjoy living the life of being single (also 19yrs) however I am waiting for a guy I really like. So enjoy the benefits of finding out and enjoying who you are. Because We will all enjoy a relationship when we know ourselves and respect that we will eventually find a relationship we appriceiate.
magic_unicorn
(Am writing while slightly drunk so forgive the rambling!)

You think I'd be writing this, or at least writing this and somehow forgetting to check "anonymous" on the first post (though I'm sure I did...) if I was totally sober? Though, to be fair, even though I've been drinking, I know that, out of everyone who I went to the FFAF gig with tonight, I'll be the only one who remembers anything, and that includes the end-of-night hugs for making sure the girls got to their places alright. Hell, I don't doubt that, come Thursday, when we're all at work again, they'll be asking how the hell they got home.
Reply 6
Do you let the girls you like know how you feel explicity or are you just waiting for something to happen? xx
Reply 7
Anon's down for the moment, even though the box is still there.

You're not doing so badly, mate. It might seem like everyone around you has someone, but it's not always the case. My boyfriend didn't have a girlfriend/his first kiss until he was 23, and that was with me. There's nothing wrong with him. He's not ugly, he's not a geek, he's not stupid - he's just ever so painfully shy, and it happened for him eventually, so there's no reason to believe it won't happen for you.
Well why don't you stop being so desperate and negative about it all and see what happens. Seriously with an attitude like that, you wont get anyone. Ask yourself why you want a girlfriend? are you lonely? Do you think it would solve ALL your problems? Because seriously you need to look at yourself, sort yourself out before going into a relationship, which you think will cure everything. Sit back and wait is all you can do, apart from extending your social network.
Reply 9
Being single for long periods of time can be really tough at times but have you thought of dating websites? Okay it might not be ideal for you but you never know, gotta be worth a try, maybe youl meet someone nice? Nothing to lose by trying .
Hang out with the lads and have some 'craic' as we say here in Northern Ireland.

Honestly, being with a girl is sometimes more hassle than it's worth. Don't set out deliberately to get one. Smile, laugh and have a good time when you're clubbing or going out or whatever.
Reply 11
turn gay. worked for Elton John.


eeeek, just kidding! Seriously, dont take it as a problem. I know how you feel i am always 'that guy' the when everyone would describe as 'lovely' but never consider as anything else, but you know, i'm happy with that now, what is so bad about being a great friend? just think you benefit from the company of you friends so much more than some flash in the pan boyfriend who they have for 3 months then get dumped by.

It used to rip me apart seeing my friends going into relationships when i knew it was wrong for them, but the phrase 'well, i did warn you' is never so well recieved as 'come round for tea and toast and we can chat about whatever you like'. Seriously mate, there is nothing wrong with being a great guy, lol, its so much better than being a lecherous player!

chin up! you'll find the right girl for you some time!

J
:hugs:
Reply 13
I've just looked at your profile pic- you look nice! No reason to worry! :smile:

Don't act desperate or just flirt with anyone in the hope that someone will fancy you. Find a girl that you'd actually like to get to know and make her feel special without going over the top- keep a bit of mystery and don't treat her like just a "mate", and keep your flirting just for her, either until something happens, or you ask her out and she says no. But she won't say yes if she thinks you're just out to find anyone female who'll have you.

There's nothing wrong with helping girls get home safely and stuff though- it's gentlemanly :smile:
mousey
Do you let the girls you like know how you feel explicity or are you just waiting for something to happen? xx


It’s a bit of both, to be frank…

Truman
Being single for long periods of time can be really tough at times but have you thought of dating websites? Okay it might not be ideal for you but you never know, gotta be worth a try, maybe youl meet someone nice? Nothing to lose by trying .


Except the money I spend for wasting my time. And, I’m not quite sure why, but I somehow feel that by trying dating sites, I’d be losing pride, as well. I dunno, guess I’ve just got it in my head somehow that, by doing that, I’ll appear desperate and pathetic. Logically, I know that’s a bunch of BS, but we can’t always follow with what we think logically, can we?


lazyswot
I've just looked at your profile pic- you look nice! No reason to worry! :smile:

Don't act desperate or just flirt with anyone in the hope that someone will fancy you. Find a girl that you'd actually like to get to know and make her feel special without going over the top- keep a bit of mystery and don't treat her like just a "mate", and keep your flirting just for her, either until something happens, or you ask her out and she says no. But she won't say yes if she thinks you're just out to find anyone female who'll have you.

There's nothing wrong with helping girls get home safely and stuff though- it's gentlemanly :smile:


Thanks, but "nice" and "gentlemanly" haven't exactly cut it for me so far, especially when they're not going to remember it the day after, such as with the Funeral for a Friend gig. Granted, I've not actually seen any of the girls I was out with Monday night yet, but, based on how wasted they were, I'd say the lack of faith is pretty reasonable.
I was actually expecting a really ugly geeky guy but looking at your profile picture you're hot! Dont worry the hottest guy in our course and i mean he is SOOOO hot..,everyone fancies him....is still a virgin! It's all about confidence and finding the right girl at the right time :smile: Youre only 19 for christ's sake!! xx
Dinendal Leralonde
I'll just give you all the gist of this. I'm over 19 and a half, I've never had a proper girlfriend, the longest "relationship" I've had being three days, and no matter what I try, I'm always heading towards the future I've foreseen - alone, bitter, and hateful towards the world.

I go to the places in the city where a rocker like me might be able to meet someone, and still, it all ends the same - I'm always the "good friend" who only gets the hug or the kiss on the cheek at the end of the night for looking after, and it's killing me. If nothing drastic changes soon, I may well end up drinking myself into oblivion, or worse.

Someone help, please. Because the "friends" I've had, who've said they'd try to help have done nothing for me. In fact, they've often done the opposite - make sure they get some in front of me to make me even more so depressed.


Dinendal Leralonde
You think I'd be writing this, or at least writing this and somehow forgetting to check "anonymous" on the first post (though I'm sure I did...) if I was totally sober? Though, to be fair, even though I've been drinking, I know that, out of everyone who I went to the FFAF gig with tonight, I'll be the only one who remembers anything, and that includes the end-of-night hugs for making sure the girls got to their places alright. Hell, I don't doubt that, come Thursday, when we're all at work again, they'll be asking how the hell they got home.


A few points.

Firstly, no one (girls or guys) wants to spend their time with someone 'bitter and hateful towards the world'. Simple as that. So sort that out.

Also, linked to that, why do you want a girl? Because frankly it won't change your life for the better in itself. If you're not happy in yourself then being in a relationship won't change that. So make sure your motives are good.

Secondly, girls can smell desperation as though you've sprayed it on like a 14 year old kid sprays on Lynx Africa before going to his first house party. If you don't care appear to care about girls and just want to have a good time it seems a lot more attractive.

On the other hand, if you never approach a girl and talk to her you will never get into a relationship.

On the other other hand, remember the point I made just before the one above - when you approach them be funny, be confident, tease them. Most of all, don't come across as though their accepting you will be the best thing that's happened all year and their rejecting you will make you cry. Be indifferent to the outcome - think of it all as a bit of fun.

Right, you call yourself a "rocker" (apparently without any irony!). That's ok... I suppose! But... you certainly don't sound very rock 'n' roll. You know why rock stars get the girls? Yes, partly because they're rich and have enough coke in their hotel rooms to fill a small pick up truck. But also because of the attitude. The not caring about what they say, the worry-free attitude to life in general, the not moaning about how unfair it all is, the confidence, the hint of arrogance even, etc etc. Basically, and this is the blunt truth, because they're not the suckers. They're not the ones who end up walking the girl home after the guy she doinked in the loo has left her and gone back to his mates. And at the moment you are that guy (the one who walks her home and pulls back her hair whilst she pukes - not the one who doinks her in the loo). Now, whilst it might be the kind thing to do, the charitable thing to do, the chivalrous thing to do... it's not the thing to do to make girls notice you and feel attracted to you.

Note the girl who said walking girls back to their flats is gentlemanly as though this was somehow an attractive quality. Why do girls say that? Not because it makes them horny to be accompanied back home or because it's going to make you attractive to them - it's because it's convenient for them to be looked after. Just as it's convenient to be bought drinks all night. It works both ways - the book I am reading currently opened with a description of a really submissive wife who does EVERYTHING for her husband. Whilst it might be useful to know supper will be on the table when I get home, that if I want my feet massaged I just tell her to do it, if I want a bath she'll go run it, if I want something from the shops she will go get it... it's not actually attractive! I wouldn't say no to all those things being done but I wouldn't necessarily respect a woman who was a total doormat. And that applies 100 times more strongly to guys. (Of course, if my future wife decided once in a while to cook me a steak, sit me down in front of a good film and do whatever I fancied sexually that'd be cool - but precisely because it's a rarity and not the norm.) Girls love the idea that they can change a guy or bring him round to the "nice" side - so give them that challenge (and make them work hard!)

The good news is that most girls don't want the one who doinks them in the loo and then leaves. But, it says a lot that a fair amount prefer that to the guy who is a bit of a doormat... It's good news though because it means you can aim somewhere in the middle of the two guys. Be decent, but be challenging; walk them home, but tease them all the way; chat to them, but don't buy them drinks all night.... doink them in the loo, but then take them back to yours. :wink:

Anyway, this is long enough already. But one more thing. From your profile picture, you look a lot like the kinda guy who gets taken for a ride by girls because you look innocent, young, sweet etc. So it's actually even harder to break the cycle of being a bit weak and needy and (therefore) deeply unattractive to most girls. I mean, if Brad Pitt a la Fight Club walks into a club, the assumption is not going to be that he's one for a kiss on the cheek and a hug at the end of the night - he is the one they wanna go home with. Having said that, looks along aren't that important. It's about being attractive in one's manner. So work on that!

Wow, long post - good luck!
Reply 17
Jesus, melodrama much? Yeah I'm sure at 19 years old you're skidding towards middle-age alone :rolleyes:
1. Get Myspace.
2. Search for "Random emo" in your area.
3. Find "Random emo"
4. Look at pictures, decide if they have the fat angles or not.
5. "Hey you fancy meeting up?"
Reply 19
i'll tell you this nothing is more attractive than a desperate dbz fan