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I'm 21, and I dont really have any friends... Dealing with loneliness watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    I'v been pretty down because I guess it really just hit me that I dont actually have any friends.

    i'll backtrack a bit so there's more context. I'm a 21 year old guy currently in my 3rd year at uni. I consider myself quite social, i have no problems talking to people and i'v been told that i'm charismatic. I really enjoy social events, and i'm quite an open and friendly person. But my friendships with new people I meet never moves past the superficial acquintance phase. the 'friends' i currently have arent 'friends' per se, thats just a word used for convenience. technically they're acquintances, people i'm friendly with, we talk and hang out at uni and go out to social events together sometimes but there's nothing more to it. no deeper friendship, no calling/texting regularly, or having serious conversations or spending loads of time together etc. Nothing associated with a good close friendship.

    Its been like this my whole life, and for this reason i'v always struggled with loneliness and i am diagnosed with clinical depression.
    When I was growing up my family moved around quite a lot, which meant i changed schools almost every year and i think that had a negative impact on me and my ability to form close relationships.

    That said, I do have 1 good friend, literally the only close friend I have who i'v known for about 8 years now. We have a great friendship, but it saddens me because she's literally my only good friend. I dont think its healthy to have such a limited support network.

    i'v had previous romantic relationships break down because of this, because i didn't have close friends and therefore no actual support network outside of my girlfriend. So if we fought or were upset i didn't really have anyone i could just vent to for emotional support. I dont have close friends I can just go and hang out with or complain to or just spend time with when i'm having a hard time.
    I dont have a support network and its not like i have a big family or siblings i can call all the time.

    I'm incredibly lonely and sad.

    I go out with my acquintances, we have nice days out sometimes and its always super fun and social, but as soon as i get back home its just back to being incredibly lonely. Even though I do have my one good friend (lets call her E), I'm hyper aware that she's my only good friend and i have to be careful about not bombarding her too much since i dont really have a support network outside of her. I don't want to just have one friend, of course i'm so glad to have such a good friendship but I know its not healthy for me to have my support/social network consist of one person and its not fair on her.

    I'm the kind of person who wants to travel and live. I want to have meaningful friendships, people i can just spend time with, travel with etc but i have no idea how to build those kinds of friendships especially now that i'm at university. its so incredibly depressing. It makes me so sad because i dont think my parents realized how much damage their lifestyle caused me.
    Since i was moving around all the time growing up, i was always the new kid. all my 'friends' already had their friendship groups. even though people liked me and would invite me to stuff, people eventually just tended to forget about me like i was never really there.

    oh man, you remind me of my teen days coming back to empty home when the school lessons were over, yeah same as you man, , i was in a group of 3 guys since elementary school all the way to till high school end, and we basically never were friends, just a group to blend in society without looking weird and scared, thats what i thought everyday going home ''whats the point of befriending someone if at the end of the day you still end up alone'' , and thats when i became an introvert, learned to be by myself with mah books, music, creations and video games, im 20 now, still no friends, no gf, if i wanted to find friends i would go to social events based on things im interested in like music, rpg lan parties, something like that. Not clubs tho, people are looking for quick adventure there plus the music is horribly loud, if u are really lonely i would suggest going to those depression group or social groups or how they are called where depressed or lonely people gather, because they are understanding and looking for the same thing as you

    You're not the only one hun!! I'm in year 13 at the moment, and I had to re-take year 12 because of my crappy results, this left me with all my friends going off to uni and leaving me with everyone younger than me (i'm 18). I have no friends that I can talk to daily or even hang around with!
    All I want you to know is that I know it's clichéd but sometimes you have to throw yourself into the deep end and maybe go out of your comfort zone to go and meet people. 3rd year of uni? why don't you join a society at uni? In that way it will help you to get your mind off of things, enjoy something you like doing and meet new people too!!
    If you ever want to talk- about anything, you know what to do, i'm happy to listen x
    • #2

    I have had this problem for the past ten years
    • TSR Support Team

    TSR Support Team
    You've just described my life to a tee.

    I haven't spoken to another human being outside of work in 8 weeks.
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