So ive been dating someone for about 5 months, we are perfect for each other minus one factor; we both have a mental problem (no rude jokes please) Every now and then they just seem to clash or something, he starts getting scared im getting sick of him and i start to feel like hes distancing himself from me, we both get extremely upset about it. We are both getting there with our depression but its gonna take a while. After a while of us both silently crying, well talk cry and hug it out but we both know it cant continue like this, we both want this to be a serious relationship (im 17 hes 18) help?
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Boyfriend has depression, I have BPD? watch
- Thread Starter
- 22-02-2016 13:22
- 22-02-2016 13:42
Hi There. Relationships are hard. I've been dating someone with depression for 5 years now and there are good days and bad days. You're still young and if you want to make this work, you can. My suggestion would be to try to make sure you both have your own support networks in addition to each other. I used to think I could deal with everything, but I couldn't. You can't expect to both be super-human and deal with everything. If you have others around you, it might be easier to not feel responsible for everything. It might also be easier to step back and take different perspectives when things become challenging.
You've taken the first step by understanding the problem. Knowing something is wrong and acknowledging it is a big step. Now that you recognize it, you can work to overcome it by having agreements or understandings that are set when things are good. No one has all the answers, but no matter what, a relationship is a learning experience.
- 22-02-2016 13:45
I was in a very similar position with my boyfriend about this time last year! We've been together for about a year and half now and it's been great however it wasn't like that to begin with.
He suffers from depression whilst I was recently diagnosed with BPD.(I still don't quite believe in this diagnosis but I digress). We were constantly upset with one another or arguing until it got to a point where it just didn't seem worth the pain anymore. However I realised if I want this situation to get better,I have to get better. I started working on myself,taking my medication and he continued to do so. Today we're stronger and happier than ever. People say you should distance yourself whilst you work on making yourselves better however it's nice to support one another especially if you both want a serious relationship. Acknowledge that whilst one of you may be distancing yourself,it has nothing to do with the other person and they're just going through stuff. Encourage him to open up about how he's feeling. Sometimes the best support isn't saying how you can make it better but just listening and giving them a big hug afterwards.
Find out who you both are as people - make identities for yourself, that definitely made the both of us feel more self-assured and confident,which helps the relationship hugely. Honesty is the absolute best thing. If something is annoying you about your boyfriend,or vice versa, say it when it's happening,sometimes it isn't nice to do because you know they can't help it, however it helps it from developing into a big argument. My boyfriend often just let everything build up until he couldn't take it anymore and he'd just snap over a tiny thing. It's best to air feelings out sooner to avoid a huge argument like that. Help one another to grow as people and respect one another. You tend to find that it all just works out without you realising it. It's hard work,but it'll get better - both your illnesses and your relationship.
Best of luck with everything and should you wanna talk more about anything you're more than welcome to 💛