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The guys I'm attracted to usually end up being into drugs! How do I stop this? Watch

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    I'm female and I don't know why this happens, but on first impression and sight they seem like sweet, well-put together guys with something decent going for them.

    However after getting to know them I find that they are heavily into drugs and as a coping mechanism. I find out they are not interested in a relationship they would rather get high and have one night stands with fellow high girls they meet at raves etc.

    I'm wondering why this always happens? These aren't guys I've met in clubs or bars and I don't drink or party. These are guys I've met through societies, uni, fancy dinners and work.

    The last two had a really bad effect on me. I really wanted to save them from these drugs and it broke my heart to watch them in a high stupor trying to numb the pain. I just really wanted look after them and take care of them. The second to last promised me he would give up and the day after he stole money from my purse to pay for his next high after I treated him to dinner and drinks and he never spoke to me again. The latest is going through a lot of stress with work plus a bereavement and so is always getting high as a kite to cope and constantly hooking up with tramps and it's hard for me to watch and hear about as we are friends. Again I just want to take his pain away by loving him to wholeness.... I know that sounds silly. I'm a very nurturing girl, which may add to my attachment.

    What is wrong with me? Why do I get attracted to these men? And why do I find it so hard to walk away?

    How do I start attracting 'normal' men?
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    You're using them as a drug.
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    subconsciously you are seeking out the give-away traits...

    these "bad boys" are always attractive to the ladies smh
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    (Original post by the bear)
    subconsciously you are seeking out the give-away traits...

    these "bad boys" are always attractive to the ladies smh
    Perhaps I am subconsciously seeking those traits but I wish I know what they were consciously because I would run a mile before I could get roped in.

    I would argue that men prefer 'bad girls' as well. 'Good girls' aren't valued at all. Being a scheming Jezebel or a manipulative tart gets you further than being sweet and wholesome. But that's for a whole other thread I guess.
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    (Original post by TheArtofProtest)
    You're addicted. You need to go cold turkey.
    From men altogether?

    (Original post by whorace)
    You're using them as a drug.
    Yes that's an interesting way of looking at it and I probably am in my own away I suppose its a toxic exchange.
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    I had a boyfriend like that, it was horrible he would smoke weed and stuff and when he came back into bed I would always have to turn the other way because of his breath. He treated me like I was a Barbie. After a while, I dumped him and told myself I would never go out with someone who takes drugs full stop. And I really questioned myself about what type of guy am I into.
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    (Original post by Rach.is.awesome)
    I had a boyfriend like that, it was horrible he would smoke weed and stuff and when he came back into bed I would always have to turn the other way because of his breath. He treated me like I was a Barbie. After a while, I dumped him and told myself I would never go out with someone who takes drugs full stop. And I really questioned myself about what type of guy am I into.
    Yeah me too I never want to even so much as befriend a guy who is into drugs. In fact I'm so put off I don't really want someone who smokes cigarettes or drinks more than occasionally. I want someone who is clean living and respects their body.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Perhaps I am subconsciously seeking those traits but I wish I know what they were consciously because I would run a mile before I could get roped in.

    I would argue that men prefer 'bad girls' as well. 'Good girls' aren't valued at all. Being a scheming Jezebel or a manipulative tart gets you further than being sweet and wholesome. But that's for a whole other thread I guess.
    disagree with the last part. attractive, interesting girls are what attract men
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    (Original post by Rach.is.awesome)
    He treated me like I was a Barbie.
    He used to grab you from his sister's room, sneak you into the bathroom, take off your clothes, giggle at your private parts and then make you have bum-sex with Action Man???

    Maybe just me on that one :getmecoat:
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    (Original post by hater1324)
    disagree with the last part. attractive, interesting girls are what attract men
    Sorry I disagree with that. Perhaps for you but the typical girl with a boyfriend hobbies and interests don't extend much beyond going out drinking and going shopping.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would argue that men prefer 'bad girls' as well. 'Good girls' aren't valued at all. Being a scheming Jezebel or a manipulative tart gets you further than being sweet and wholesome. But that's for a whole other thread I guess.
    Dang gurl if you're gonna do a generalisation at least make it a marginally correct one.

    How many dudes with drugs have you ended up attracted to exactly? Need to try to gauge if it's just bad luck or what...
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    (Original post by whorace)
    You're using them as a drug.
    Was gonna say the same.

    @OP, your problem is that you're attracted to fixing people.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    You're using them as a drug.
    Boyaka.
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    (Original post by Rach.is.awesome)
    I had a boyfriend like that, it was horrible he would smoke weed and stuff and when he came back into bed I would always have to turn the other way because of his breath. He treated me like I was a Barbie. After a while, I dumped him and told myself I would never go out with someone who takes drugs full stop. And I really questioned myself about what type of guy am I into.
    He just smoked weed? I wouldn't really classify as that as taking drugs.
    Bit ridiculous to dump a guy just because he smokes weed, alot of guys smoke weed, your acting as if he was a drug lord who used to abuse you.
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    You're problem is that you go into situations trying to save someone like a project


    focus on your exams
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    Yeah but he cheated on me. I have no exams as I am doing an extended diploma.
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    I would suggest that you start taking drugs.
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    (Original post by Daniel9998)
    He just smoked weed? I wouldn't really classify as that as taking drugs.
    Bit ridiculous to dump a guy just because he smokes weed, alot of guys smoke weed, your acting as if he was a drug lord who used to abuse you.
    Well it most certainly is... it's more the addiction and dangers involved than they actual taking of drugs.

    My ex used to smoke an 8th a day.... desperately call all the local dealers when she ran out and at the height of the problem spent £200 a week and used to borrow money of me, her parents, brother, brother gf etc to feed her habit.

    I previously had occasionally smoked weed so initially didn't mind but it eventually was obvious she had a problem. Then her paranoia kicked in.... which then started the depression and it became unbearable! Also the first few dealers I met were pretty normal day to day kinda people.... however by the end of it and having met pretty much every dealer in my small local town I ended up realising how unsavoury most of the character were.

    She obviously had a dependency on weed and it pretty much single-handedly destroyed the relationship. Because of this I wouldn't touch a girl who smoked weed regularly.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm female and I don't know why this happens, but on first impression and sight they seem like sweet, well-put together guys with something decent going for them.

    However after getting to know them I find that they are heavily into drugs and as a coping mechanism. I find out they are not interested in a relationship they would rather get high and have one night stands with fellow high girls they meet at raves etc.

    I'm wondering why this always happens? These aren't guys I've met in clubs or bars and I don't drink or party. These are guys I've met through societies, uni, fancy dinners and work.

    The last two had a really bad effect on me. I really wanted to save them from these drugs and it broke my heart to watch them in a high stupor trying to numb the pain. I just really wanted look after them and take care of them. The second to last promised me he would give up and the day after he stole money from my purse to pay for his next high after I treated him to dinner and drinks and he never spoke to me again. The latest is going through a lot of stress with work plus a bereavement and so is always getting high as a kite to cope and constantly hooking up with tramps and it's hard for me to watch and hear about as we are friends. Again I just want to take his pain away by loving him to wholeness.... I know that sounds silly. I'm a very nurturing girl, which may add to my attachment.

    What is wrong with me? Why do I get attracted to these men? And why do I find it so hard to walk away?

    How do I start attracting 'normal' men?
    If you want to care and nurture something why not get a guinea pig or a a peace lily or something? lol
 
 
 
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