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will he regret leaving me? stupid question i know Watch

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    okay this is really hard for me to write about but i want to understand men better and grow as a person and just understand how to not bend rules whenever i go through a really bad break up

    my boyfriend and i were together for 2 years. i suffer with depression, but at the time i met him i was getting a lot better, and he was suffering with depression. he made a suicide attempt, which i saved his life from. at the time i wasn't interested in him, and it got messy, but the main reason he wanted to die was because he felt like he belonged to nobody and his parents put a lot of pressure on him to do well and said cruel things to him, and he felt like a spare bit in his friendship group.

    i'm glad to say i changed all of that. but then we went to uni last september and he changed completely and started drinking loads and going out, so i thought "fair enough, his uni experience, he has to enjoy himself". he then started to neglect me a lot and i've found uni really hard, in fact i've been depressed for about a solid 5 and a half months until he broke up with me because when i confronted him about everything and i said i wanted to be together more and talk more (even on Skype he'd just sit on his phone in front of me and not talk properly because he was so engrossed in his new life)

    he'd made so many promises to me throughout our relationship, that he'd give long distance a real go and stay in contact with me, but we'd just go for ages where he'd neglect me, make promises to speak to me and then never turn up, and he just really hurt me more. it made me even more depressed. he couldn't take it, or the responsibility of us, and he didn't want to support me, so he broke it off with me and kept saying we weren't getting back together again, "end of story", that he'd "be okay in a few days" and when i said i loved him he said "none of that matters".

    these things really hurt, especially when all of this was over text and he couldn't say it to my face or over the phone. i accept he couldn't support me or understand even though he's been through the same stuff... he's not spoke to me in a week since we broke up. and i accept i made plenty of mistakes too..
    and i'm just finding it hard, i'm not talking to him, i'm giving him space, but the issue is i'm sort of transferring to same uni as him because of cost problems at the current uni i'm at, and it's the only uni that has the same course as the one here (so i completely made this decision regardless of my ex, and i still wanna go there)

    i'm not sure i want to rekindle our relationship because he's hurt me so much and he just wants to be a 19 year old guy and i feel like i've been betrayed but since he broke up with me i've sort of been able to feel, like i'm no longer this robot i was in a depressive state... i don't know what to do i don't know if i should even speak to him one day but i want to be friends because i hate animosity, it depresses me further, and i think regardless of the selfish man he's become, i still think he's a good friend.

    it's not because i'm unwilling to let go of him, it's just being at the same uni, it's not as easy. the worst part is, and it sounds awful of me, but i was too good for him, i was smarter, and i'm prettier and more confident and more fun and i'm talented at poetry and published (these are things i've been realising with counselling and my mother helping me to love myself) and i almost want him to regret making such an erratic snap decision but at the same time i want him to be happy..

    i'm just so confused at the end he said he loved me and hoped we could be friends someday after all the horrid bluntness, which made it worse cos i'm trying to forget the fact he still loves me when i clearly need to move on

    what do men even want when stuff like this happens? do they regret making such snap decisions and behaving erratically or what?
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    Right now, you're feeling a little bitter and confused, but let me let you in on a little secret.

    Nobody wants their ex to immediately go out, have fun and get over it. Will he regret it? Almost certainly when he's drunk and going home alone.

    It's okay to be angry with him, to want him to want you, to feel confused and angry.

    Things will get easier. Just take your friends, go out, laugh, have a good time. You're not alone. That will be the best way to make sure he knows what he's missed.
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    University can change peoples perceptions on life considerably, individuals have more responsibility, are no longer held firmly in place by education and parenting , and generally are allowed to express themselves more. He may simply not want a relationship at all , with anyone. He just wants to be him without any external pressure.

    Love can often be momentary. That is not to say that what you had was not genuine because I am sure it was, but you can easily fall out of love with people should the conditions of the relationship change and/or the individuals themselves change.

    You are young, and I know you feel like you have been betrayed, lied to, and that promises mean nothing but you now need to focus on you and not him, and I certainly wouldn't go and try and track him down at University.

    Its important to draw a line in the sand, and move on from it. That is often the hardest part with breakups.
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    (Original post by uniqsummer)
    University can change peoples perceptions on life considerably, individuals have more responsibility, are no longer held firmly in place by education and parenting , and generally are allowed to express themselves more. He may simply not want a relationship at all , with anyone. He just wants to be him without any external pressure.

    Love can often be momentary. That is not to say that what you had was not genuine because I am sure it was, but you can easily fall out of love with people should the conditions of the relationship change and/or the individuals themselves change.

    You are young, and I know you feel like you have been betrayed, lied to, and that promises mean nothing but you now need to focus on you and not him, and I certainly wouldn't go and try and track him down at University.

    Its important to draw a line in the sand, and move on from it. That is often the hardest part with breakups.

    I'm not tracking him down, I'm transferring there. I planned to transfer there a long time before we broke up because I can't afford to stay at the university I'm currently at. His university was one of my original choices, and it does the course I want. I don't regret transferring there and I don't want him back. He's a different person now, he's not the man I thought he was.
    I just wanted to know whether he would regret something like this. Not so I could get him back, but to feel some form of pain that I feel.
    I want him to be happy but I want him to hurt.

    I'm confused and unsure.
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    He also said he loved me when he left. That threw me into deeper confusion also. Making it harder to move on.
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    It is perfectly natural to feel the way you do, two months after my break up I feel exactly the same still. Angry, bitter and confused, someone pointed out best further up that the best way is to show what they are missing. I mean who knows what an ex is thinking or feeling like.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just wanted to know whether he would regret something like this. Not so I could get him back, but to feel some form of pain that I feel.
    Only he will know that, its not something to dwell on as you will end up down a very dark path.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He also said he loved me when he left. That threw me into deeper confusion also. Making it harder to move on.
    Yeh that is just immaturity on his part. People do that because they believe it eases the break up process. Again try not to focus on that, because it likely comes from a place of desperation over actual real emotion.
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    Why do you think he's being desperate? Thank you for your help, by the way.
 
 
 
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