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How to deal with my depressed, bipolar mum Watch

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    I've had a pretty turbulent relationship with my mother for about 5 years, leading to me having to move out 3 yrs ago.
    Recently I've begun to mend the relationship (or lack thereof) I have with my mum, to the point where I was allowed to stay over my family house last week for the first time in over a year.

    On the very first day I arrived, my mum seemed over the moon. I literally had never seen her so happy in all my life. She was practically bouncing off the walls, asking me to stay as long as I want, what food I'd like etc..she was never this kind to me, even before i moved out.

    Fastforward to a couple days later, and I wake up at around 1am having heard some screaming right outside my room. I head out and see my mum with all of the dirty laundry stacked around her, crying and screaming about how disgusting her kids are, how she wished we'd never been born. I tried to comfort her, but she told me to **** off and leave her alone. I tried picking up the clothes and putting them in the laundry basket but she just kicked the whole thing down three flights of stairs. The kids started waking up from their sleep so I urgently told my mum to quieten down because I knew that the kids waking up and crying at the noise would only escalate her anger.

    She turned to me with bloodshot eyes and said in somali "may Allah allow somebody to shoot me right between the eyes and end my life right here".

    As soon as she said that I retreated into my room and listened to music to drown out her crying. Literally no-one else was helping her; when I asked my siblings the next day why they didn't do it they said it's because it's a "natural thing"; they said my mum frequently has outbursts like this, mostly at night.

    I knew my mum was depressed (she's supposed to be taking pills for it but she doesn't believe in them sadly enough) but it's really becoming a problem. my siblings are terrified of her next move; she's so unpredictable. I decided to stay home for another week but I'm literally at a loss as to what to do. Whenever I talk to her about it, she starts getting angry at me and cusses me out.
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    It's a very tough situation, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I don't have any advice for you unfortunately. Just wanted to give you hugs, Z. :hugs:
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    Is she under a mental health team? Or recieving some sorta treatment?

    If not and she is unwilling to accept that she has a problem/talk to you about the issue there isn't much you can do. Sometimes you have to just accept things and realise you can only control your own actions, not someone elses. That might be deciding that you aren't going to stay with her overnight - you might just want to meet her for lunch or a coffee etc. Do things on your terms. If you feel there is a risk to your siblings then obviously report it. Your mum needs help but you can't force it on her and until she accepts that things are out of control then there isn't a whole lot you can do apart from look after yourself & your needs.
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    (Original post by TheReckless)
    I've had a pretty turbulent relationship with my mother for about 5 years, leading to me having to move out 3 yrs ago.
    Recently I've begun to mend the relationship (or lack thereof) I have with my mum, to the point where I was allowed to stay over my family house last week for the first time in over a year.

    On the very first day I arrived, my mum seemed over the moon. I literally had never seen her so happy in all my life. She was practically bouncing off the walls, asking me to stay as long as I want, what food I'd like etc..she was never this kind to me, even before i moved out.

    Fastforward to a couple days later, and I wake up at around 1am having heard some screaming right outside my room. I head out and see my mum with all of the dirty laundry stacked around her, crying and screaming about how disgusting her kids are, how she wished we'd never been born. I tried to comfort her, but she told me to **** off and leave her alone. I tried picking up the clothes and putting them in the laundry basket but she just kicked the whole thing down three flights of stairs. The kids started waking up from their sleep so I urgently told my mum to quieten down because I knew that the kids waking up and crying at the noise would only escalate her anger.

    She turned to me with bloodshot eyes and said in somali "may Allah allow somebody to shoot me right between the eyes and end my life right here".

    As soon as she said that I retreated into my room and listened to music to drown out her crying. Literally no-one else was helping her; when I asked my siblings the next day why they didn't do it they said it's because it's a "natural thing"; they said my mum frequently has outbursts like this, mostly at night.

    I knew my mum was depressed (she's supposed to be taking pills for it but she doesn't believe in them sadly enough) but it's really becoming a problem. my siblings are terrified of her next move; she's so unpredictable. I decided to stay home for another week but I'm literally at a loss as to what to do. Whenever I talk to her about it, she starts getting angry at me and cusses me out.
    Your question is how to deal with this....

    The only suitable treatment is medication and counselling but it's well known for BPD the only effective treatment is medication.

    Counselling helps a bit as its good to vent.

    She should also have a social worker who comes to see her literally everyday to make sure she takes the medication.

    It usually takes roughly a month for it to really kick in.

    Other than that you can't really do anything


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    (Original post by darkred)
    It's a very tough situation, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I don't have any advice for you unfortunately. Just wanted to give you hugs, Z. :hugs:
    Yeah, it's like I can never really get out of it.
    Thanks ki, really much appreciate the hugs lol so thank you
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    (Original post by Jenx301)
    Is she under a mental health team? Or recieving some sorta treatment?

    If not and she is unwilling to accept that she has a problem/talk to you about the issue there isn't much you can do. Sometimes you have to just accept things and realise you can only control your own actions, not someone elses. That might be deciding that you aren't going to stay with her overnight - you might just want to meet her for lunch or a coffee etc. Do things on your terms. If you feel there is a risk to your siblings then obviously report it. Your mum needs help but you can't force it on her and until she accepts that things are out of control then there isn't a whole lot you can do apart from look after yourself & your needs.
    No, she's absolutely adamant on not going to see a professional about this. To be honest, the very idea of her sitting with a therapist chatting away her problems is laughable; she's a very cold, closed off person who has never been the "let's talk about feelings" type (polar opposite of me ).

    Yeah, there's not really a lot I can do, I know. I guess I feel pretty helpless.
    I've already lost one parent, and regardless of how turbulent our relationship is, I don't want to lose her as well.
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    No advice either but my sympathies :console:. I'm glad you aren't dependent on her. Perhaps try to help from a safe distance?
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    I feel you...My mum also suffers from bi-poplar & multiple personality disorder. It is very difficult at times, she has up days and down days...but I have come to the realisation that that is her & always will be...nothing I can do will change it. Unfortunately it prevents building a proper relationship ^^ as you said. I have little to no relationship but in turn my relationship with my dad is far stronger than would be considered normal. I find distractions help. I often sit in my room & listen to music (as you did) too drown it out. Writing things down too. Gotta channel your hurt elsewhere. My mum has had these problems as long as I've been alive (I'm 19) so I have kind of got used to it now, when I was younger I found it extremely difficult. I was always told I could either except something or change it... Well, you can't change people who don't want help. My mum has been on/off medication for years and even now refuses to admit she has a problem. Sometimes trying to help ends up hurting you too much. Sometimes it's best to accept the situation for what it is. It's hard, but it does get better that way. You're not ever going to have a proper relationship I guess. I'm sure you've probably realised most of that anyway.

    I guess from the point of view of your siblings some extra help might be needed, maybe you should talk to them about it? it's wrong/awful/etc, they should't have to deal with it but honestly from personal experience I found the only way of dealing with it (myself) was to change my attitude, cause hers sure wasn't changing... It is wrong though. Kind of a stalemate. I hope it gets better, but just remember it's her problem & you & your siblings are more than her problem. it's hard because you care & love each other but drawing the line is sometimes the best option. Finding methods to disconnect yourself so you can deal with it. Either that or try & get her to seek help. I think that's the hardest part though. People who are really ill often can't see it, and are in complete denial. *hugs* Someone who understands. <3 <3 ^^
 
 
 
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