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    My Backstory

    Sailing
    Since I was a child, I was always very knowledge driven. When I was four, I was already really looking forward to school and got my expectations on what it should look like very high. Unfortunately, school was underwhelming. I wasn't making volcanoes and I wasn't proving Einstein's theories. I remained competitive regardless, hoping that eventually school would become what I wanted it to be.

    This ship is sinking
    By year 11 many subjects proved to be a disappointment, I was stuck on double science, and things just kept going downhill. Somehow I still got to do Physics A level, alongside Maths, Further Maths, Chemistry and Geography. Eventually I dropped Chemistry, still not sure if it was the teacher or the subject that I hated more. Later I decided not to carry on with Geography onto A2. I was doing well at this point, got all of my offers. But... around exam time, my parents bought a new house. Packing, moving, cleaning and looking after a new puppy; I missed my predicted grades and a chance at going to UCL. Lucky here though, I actually hate that university. So I went to Queen Mary instead, the joy was real.

    This raft is falling apart
    The first year went okay? It wasn't bad. I got something like 55% average which doesn't quite matter. It only accounts to 10% of the final grade anyway. The second year though, that was a disaster. I wasn't aware that there was a 2:1 average requirement to remain on the four year course that includes the masters. I hated and struggled with a lot of the modules. Some I did great in, but it wasn't anywhere near enough to make up for the losses. Plus, the motivation that was filling me as a child had drained throughout the past 6 years. I got dropped down to the three year course.

    I need to get back up.

    I found a life jacket
    So this is it. THIS will be my motivation, this blog will make me do well like I was supposed to from the start. I finally am at the point where school is what I always wanted it to be. The pacing is right, so is the level and the subject. I absolutely love university, so I have to make up for the last two years and do well enough to get back onto the masters.


    The Quest

    Scrape myself off the floor, work hard and get a minimum 2:1 (60%) on my BSc Physics degree.
    Reward: You now qualify for a Masters.

    The Side Quest

    Achieve 100% in an exam.
    Reward: The "You finally did it" Achievement.

    Info
    So, this year I have six modules in total, plus my final dissertation which counts as two modules. I am also "retaking" a module which I skipped an exam for last year; this means that the exam I will take will now be worth 100% of the module (so previous work no longer counts) and the exam will be capped at 40%.

    My modules are the following.
    1st semester: Radiation Detectors, Statistical Data Analysis, Quantum Mechanics B
    2nd semester: Elementary Particle Physics, Quantum Mechanics and Symmetry, Statistical Physics

    What do I have to do?
    • Dissertation. My report for this is due in April. After handing that in I will also have to do a presentation on my project.
    • 5 exams - each worth 80% of the module
    • 1 exam - worth 100% of the module, capped at 40%
    Already Finished:
    Elementary Particle Physics - this module was report based and due in January. Already handed it in and awaiting results.

    How do I do this?
    Work. Hard.

    I am currently on my reading week.
    I intend to get into a good sleeping pattern. I can only really work during the day, so I'm not going to be productive if I get up late and stay up at night. I am also planning on doing a lot of writing for my report to hopefully get out a draft by next Monday. And of course, I need to start revising for exams. This will be based on doing old homework and tutorial questions, as well as past exam papers, and I will make notes where needed if I don't already have access to good ones (most modules have good online notes).

    When reading week ends I will also need to keep up on my weekly homework as these count towards my final grade too.

    I will be making some proper revision plans when the exam timetables roll out. My exams can be spaced out over the course of about 2 months so It's hard to tell right now what I need to prioritise. Hence for now it will probably just be a module per day.

    As a side note, I thought about this for a while and eventually figured I wouldn't need a blog to keep me motivated. However, since I spend today doing approximately nothing, I clearly need to blackmail myself with embarrassment in order to do work.

    :lazy:
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    Abandon Quest

    I don't know if I was even capable of managing this year at all. Maybe if I had tried harder or gone to someone for help earlier, or maybe if I actually properly carried out this blog.
    I was quite hopeful that I could ace all my exams and get the grades I needed despite how much I had to make up for, and just how little motivation I had. That was a bad approach though.

    My project was generally going okay to a point, however I found myself struggling more and more. As I did, I would also start to avoid my supervisor. I don't know why I was scared to admit that I was struggling and needed some help. It seems to be my main obstacle to everything. As time went by I just kept thinking "I'll sit down and to it today, I'll catch up and send him the work". I just never want to look bad. Now though, it feels like my project supervisor hates me. I know he doesn't, but he hasn't replied to me in a while and I'm not sure if I should write to him again. Maybe I will eventually, I'll have to face him again after all anyway.

    Each week I was also falling more behind on revision and coursework. I don't know why my degree still includes weekly homework that counts towards our final grades, a lot of people cheat anyway. Each missed one makes the next so much harder to do because you start to think that there is just no longer a point.
    "One more wont make a difference anyway"
    Too bad that's 20% off every module automatically. Too bad it means I need nearly 100% in every exam to actually make a first in all these modules, and hopefully 2:1 in my degree. That's ridiculous though, if I was working from the start of the year then it would be more realistic. There's no way that I'd get nearly full marks on my exams with just months to revise though.

    In the end I no longer need to achieve anything this academic year, maybe this year at all depending on what I decide to do. I will be interrupting my degree for now, which means that I will at some point redo this year. I will most likely go back in September, however I am contemplating taking off an extra year so that I could move out from my parents' house in that time. I feel like living on my own or with a friend would be a lot better for my depression and ocd, and hopefully by the time I would be going back to study I will have better control over my symptoms.

    The way the interruption will work, is that I will redo everything in the semester that I decide to come back in, and onwards. So I can either redo the entire year or just the second semester. I will say, the whole year is tempting. It also means that I will be restarting my project, however with the same supervisor and the same title.



    I wrote this to properly close off this blog as opposed to just leaving it. Of course I will not be writing any more here since I will not be doing any exams or getting any results at all this year. In a year or two I might make a second attempt at this blog, and hopefully I will actually be ready to sit my exams then.

    For now though, good luck to everyone else in their exams.
 
 
 
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