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Should I take the actions or the words ?

Hi, guys just need some opinions about this situation

Well, I was with this person for a while and we broke up.

During the relationship, there was a time when we kinda broke up and became friends. He used to ask me some little favor and I was pleased to do them. One of them was logging into his e-mail account and send some emails for him. What I discovered that he was buying porno films and trying to date some women on some website online and he was a foot fetishism. In order to get them on a " date" he had to pay them £90- £120/hr. He didnt know I knew that. At that time, sometimes he didnt do his work and they were due so he kinda emotionally black-mailed me into doing them for him since he knew I loved him. I was an idiot and worked so hard for his work. Well, after I found out what he was, I became reluctant and he started to keep in touch with me..

Well, we got back together and then broke up again. We are not in contact anymore and that happened quite long time ago.

Sorry for clumsy writing..

This guy during the relationship kinda told me about his childhood, his family how miserable he was even when his family is rich, he got what he wanted, the death of his best friend, the time he spent on the streets joining a gang and he sounded genuine while telling me that. So during the relationship with this guy I loved him because he told me kinda things people dont like to talk about themselves to others. And everytime we talked about it, he made me cry.

I just dont understand, his life stories make people moved but if looking at what he was doing: dating with some random women online,porn... I dont know what to believe how can words and actions be so contradicting ?

Sorry, it's not worth talking about him but it seems like I dont know how to distinguish bad people with sweet tounges and good people and this is having huge impact on my personal life

Really sorry for the rant hope someone has any opinion about this guy? Is he good or bad? Or because of not so good past, he somehow is still the person he used to be?

Thanks

Reply 1

Jelkin

17

I don't think many people think there is anything wrong with porno films. I dislike them, but they're fairly standard things for guys to be into. Foot fetishes aren't exactly perverse either. It don't get it - was he doing online dating or using an escort agency? If the latter, then yes, that's strange - but more desperate than evil. Letting you do his work for him and emotionally blackmailing you was totally out of order though. Still, it doesn't mean he wasn't genuine about his unhappiness. From what you said he doesn't -necessarily- sound like a bad person, but it depends about how bad his using you was. I don't think anyone here could pass judgement about whether he's changed now or not - some people do, some don't. His foot fetish probably hasn't gone away.

I'm not really sure I understand what you're asking, to be honest.

Reply 2

sanitysetin

OP

Jelkin

I don't think many people think there is anything wrong with porno films. I dislike them, but they're fairly standard things for guys to be into. Foot fetishes aren't exactly perverse either. It don't get it - was he doing online dating or using an escort agency? If the latter, then yes, that's strange - but more desperate than evil. Letting you do his work for him and emotionally blackmailing you was totally out of order though. Still, it doesn't mean he wasn't genuine about his unhappiness. From what you said he doesn't -necessarily- sound like a bad person, but it depends about how bad his using you was. I don't think anyone here could pass judgement about whether he's changed now or not - some people do, some don't. His foot fetish probably hasn't gone away.

I'm not really sure I understand what you're asking, to be honest.

I know porno films are fairly standard to guys.

It was not online dating, it was something to do with sexual fetishism and he called those women "mistresses"..

Sorry, even I myself dont know what am I asking about...

Im just too confused, just need some opinions about this guy

Reply 3

Kagutsuchi

20

sanitysetin

Sorry for clumsy writing..

What clumsy writing? Your writing was pristine! :p:

Anyways, back to the matter. There's not much you can do about judging people. You can either be born with the gift, or you can get to know the person and then judge them on your own accord.

Your boyfriend sounded like bad news, good thing you got out when you could! :eek:

I adcie would be to think, then re-think what you thought before you fall for someone. :p:

Hopefully that should help. Oh! and don't fall for people that easily :hugs:

Hope you get better

Dattebayo :smile:

Reply 4

theredsox

15

Don't they always say that actions speak louder than words.

Reply 5

sanitysetin

OP

Dattebayo

What clumsy writing? Your writing was pristine! :p:

Anyways, back to the matter. There's not much you can do about judging people. You can either be born with the gift, or you can get to know the person and then judge them on your own accord.

Your boyfriend sounded like bad news, good thing you got out when you could! :eek:

I adcie would be to think, then re-think what you thought before you fall for someone. :p:

Hopefully that should help. Oh! and don't fall for people that easily :hugs:

Hope you get better

Dattebayo :smile:

ありがとう　ございます :smile:

Thanks.

Reply 6

sanitysetin

OP

Any more opinions? all welcome :redface:

Reply 7

username47781

20

I think you are much better off without him, afterall judging by your post, he was intending to cheat on you anyway.

Reply 8

sanitysetin

OP

I have been feeling weird..

Im still wondering what he is really like...

One day, after our break up : he said to me that "u can think that im a bad guy, thats fine and u know im living because i have no reason to die..." was it kinda emotional blackmail ( he dumped me via a text )

Im just confused

Well, its unlikely that I'll meet this guy again or we still have something to do with our relationship but the thought about his true personality is bugging me

So please, any thought appreciated :redface:

Reply 9

DaChronik

Go by actions... I know sometimes its hard... but it works... I mean currently with my gf/ex, shes jus been actin like a total dick... So I broke up with her...

The fact that she said shed make an effort in the relationship, didnt really make any difference... She DINT...

If you always went by words, youd get nowhere, but unhappy...

Reply 10

khil

15

Dattebayo

What clumsy writing? Your writing was pristine! :p:

Anyways, back to the matter. There's not much you can do about judging people. You can either be born with the gift, or you can get to know the person and then judge them on your own accord.

Your boyfriend sounded like bad news, good thing you got out when you could! :eek:

I adcie would be to think, then re-think what you thought before you fall for someone. :p:

Hopefully that should help. Oh! and don't fall for people that easily :hugs:

Hope you get better

Dattebayo :smile:

Pristine?

In any case, OP, if you feel that he's a bad influence on you, stay away from him. In the end, whether he's a good or bad person doesn't matter nearly as much as whether he has a postive or negative influence on you.

Should I take the actions or the words ?

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