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    Okay here is the basic information; I am speaking to a person asking about their holiday and they are giving me answers which are really simple, also they are not asking me questions back. Am i doing something wrong, is socializing not about asking questions, it felt quite awkward speaking and has been happening with other people and they call me boring, any tips please you can be as ruthless as possible
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    (Original post by ElectronDonor)
    Okay here is the basic information; I am speaking to a person asking about their holiday and they are giving me answers which are really simple, also they are not asking me questions back. Am i doing something wrong, is socializing not about asking questions, it felt quite awkward speaking and has been happening with other people and they call me boring, any tips please you can be as ruthless as possible
    When it happens and you want to pursue the conversation, try to ask more details about one thing in particular ! Sometimes other people just don't want to tell all their life at the first sentence , but when they see you're interested they go on :P
    See what I mean ?
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    When it happens and you want to pursue the conversation, try to ask more details about one thing in particular ! Sometimes other people just don't want to tell all their life at the first sentence , but when they see you're interested they go on :P
    See what I mean ?
    I tried that i asked asking about the holiday and other questions but didnt work
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    (Original post by ElectronDonor)
    I tried that i asked asking about the holiday and other questions but didnt work
    Well pretty weird.. It can't happend every time.. It does ?
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Well pretty weird.. It can't happend every time.. It does ?
    Yep i barely know what to say to people and when i do and try bothering they give my so little in return of conversation,
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    (Original post by ElectronDonor)
    Yep i barely know what to say to people and when i do and try bothering they give my so little in return of conversation,
    Do you talk about yourself ? Because if you talk too much about yourself it can be annoying, and if you do not at all, you have to :3
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Do you talk about yourself ? Because if you talk too much about yourself it can be annoying, and if you do not at all, you have to :3
    Yeah i dont talk about myself at all, how do i initiate a conversation about myself?
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    (Original post by ElectronDonor)
    Okay here is the basic information; I am speaking to a person asking about their holiday and they are giving me answers which are really simple, also they are not asking me questions back. Am i doing something wrong, is socializing not about asking questions, it felt quite awkward speaking and has been happening with other people and they call me boring, any tips please you can be as ruthless as possible
    See I have this theory that people are like programming languages... everyone has a different level of abstraction. You need to converse in a way that matches their level of abstraction, what do I mean by this anyway? A high level of abstraction means talking about 'the big picture' instead of fine details, for example you could ask "Has the holiday changed your opinion of country/city/place"? , "I haven't been on holiday in years"

    whereas a low level of abstraction would be asking questions like "Did you see any crimes/entertainers/rare animals out there?" "I heard in the news that there was a record-breaking construction project going on there"

    this is just a theory but I've tested it on 6 different people and it works like a charm... trouble is: to work out someone's level of abstraction you need to have them ask you questions which may not be so easy if this person genuininely doesn't like you
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    (Original post by ElectronDonor)
    Yeah i dont talk about myself at all, how do i initiate a conversation about myself?
    Anwwww that's it !!
    Well, when people talk try to find common interest, and relate it to yourself ! For example you ask about vacations, the person answered "I went at X" and you say something like "I know/don't know this city ; I liked it/how was it ; it make me think about Y, the city I went last month"
    Are you following ? (I feel like I'm a teacher :lol: )
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Anwwww that's it !!
    Well, when people talk try to find common interest, and relate it to yourself ! For example you ask about vacations, the person answered "I went at X" and you say something like "I know/don't know this city ; I liked it/how was it ; it make me think about Y, the city I went last month"
    Are you following ? (I feel like I'm a teacher :lol: )
    Can a person become a friend if they have different interests ?
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    (Original post by JavaScriptMaster)
    See I have this theory that people are like programming languages... everyone has a different level of abstraction. You need to converse in a way that matches their level of abstraction, what do I mean by this anyway? A high level of abstraction means talking about 'the big picture' instead of fine details, for example you could ask "Has the holiday changed your opinion of country/city/place"? , "I haven't been on holiday in years"

    whereas a low level of abstraction would be asking questions like "Did you see any crimes/entertainers/rare animals out there?" "I heard in the news that there was a record-breaking construction project going on there"

    this is just a theory but I've tested it on 6 different people and it works like a charm... trouble is: to work out someone's level of abstraction you need to have them ask you questions which may not be so easy if this person genuininely doesn't like you
    Thanks i will try that
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    Hi OP, when they are taking about an experience you can relate too, or a similar experience to one you have had, you could elaborate. Eg. "I have done that too! It's exciting isn't it?!"
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    (Original post by ElectronDonor)
    Can a person become a friend if they have different interests ?
    Of course !! Just do not hesitate to talk about youuu ! "That's not my thing , I prefer ..." Really do not hesitate
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    I think everyone feels like people don't want to talk to them. In my experience I've learnt that it's best just to keep trying to talk to them. Everyone gets nervous when someone they don't know comes over to talk to them. You just need to keep talking and try to find a common interest. Sometimes it can be really small. One I always like to employ is homework that you're both doing. You can just ask how they're doing, how easy they're finding it etc. Another thing you might try is something that you've both seen or experienced. An example might be if you're both walking and you ask whether they like walking. It might seem really basic but eventually they'll open up. Don't try to push it though. Some people, particuarly at school, are stressed or are thinking of other things. It doesn't mean they don't want to talk to you, it just means that they are occupied by other things. Just keep going is all I can say really.
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    OP are you talking about talking to total strangers and having this problem?
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    (Original post by Simonthegreat)
    OP are you talking about talking to total strangers and having this problem?
    No people which know me
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    I'd probably say I'm quite a reserved person, and a lot of the time I find I'm the one giving one word answers and not feeling much like talking. Personally, it has nothing to do with whoever is asking - if anything I'm just as afraid about opening up. Maybe that makes me a nasty person, especially from outside appearances. But if you think about it that way, it could be that the people you speak to aren't very sociable in that way. It usually takes me a while to feel comfortable to talk to someone openly. Maybe there's something similar happening with the people you talk to?

    I don't know, just spilling my thoughts as they come. Good luck!
 
 
 
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