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    (Original post by SlowlorisIncognito)
    I agree with all your advice except maybe this point. Maybe he will crumble if OP pushes back, but you can't know that for sure and the guy involved certainly sounds like he has the potential to be really dangerous. I really think the best thing she can do is focus all her energies on getting out of this living situation ASAP, rather than trying to make him back down.



    People get bullied in all stages of life, including at work and at uni. It gets rarer as people get older and more mature, and often the consequences are a lot more severe (e.g. getting kicked off your degree, losing your job, getting a criminal record for harassment). However, it is rarer at uni because you're usually not stuck with people in the way you are at school, and it's much easier just to avoid people you don't get on with. People are more mature and more willing to accept differences.

    The sort of behaviour described in the OP is not common or normal at all and isn't really comparable to highschool bullying.

    That said, passive-aggressiveness, freezing out by flatmates, low level teasing type behaviour can happen, and if you have to live with it, it's not nice. Usually, if you live in halls, you can request to move flats if things get really bad and escape the problem.
    SlowlorisIncognito makes some really good points. You should focus on your own welfare. However, I also think that the information gathering, etc, is part of this project and may help your flatmates too.
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    (Original post by LunaM06)
    I thought I would post a question as a general wondering related to a situation I recently endured as a student.
    A person I live with who I was friends with decided to turn sour towards me - the reasons for this I cannot work out and it began with the person in question trying to cause an argument over something that was not even an issue. I decided to stay out of this persons way in my uni house, as did my other housemate who I am good friends with. When the other friend left early for christmas the bullying really started. I was left with disgusting insults written on our kitchen appliances, music blaring on every TV in the house as a way to push me out of the house and when I switched the music off so as not to disturb the neighbours (which was being played on a TV I owned and offered to share use of with the other two students) I had this person trying to kick in and pound down my door so I could be screamed at.
    I reported this to my student support advised by another friend, and this person after given a warning decided to threaten me via text over the christmas period. This was also reported.
    Now we just have to tolerate each other as neither of us found someone to rent/new place to live before returning for semester 2 study. But I am still met with passive aggressive actions. They will switch lights off in the living room if I am in there, and doors will be slammed when they cross my path in the house.
    I am fine to tolerate it as long as it does not become threatening and personal again but I am just wondering how many of these situations occur when living with other students at university?
    To note, this person was never of sound mind when we were friendly but I thought I had gotten past such behaviour when I came to uni and I hope I am not the only person who has had to deal with this.
    If anyone has any similar stories I would love to hear them
    SOunds like a borderline personality, that funny place between bad neurotics and full-blown psychotics. They turn on people very quickly and can go to extreme excess. What you need to do is present a consistent presence and not give in or try to negotiate. It is smart to document the behavior and get authorities involved. I hope you are not in danger.

    If it is a private apartment, the key is who holds the lease. That person has the most power in the situation and may be able to get the person out. If it is public or university owned, keep making a stink - the squeaky wheel get attention.
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    (Original post by Oil lamp)
    Learn martial arts/ boxing for defence
    Agree with you mate, plus it is a huge confidence booster
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    (Original post by LunaM06)
    I thought I would post a question as a general wondering related to a situation I recently endured as a student.
    A person I live with who I was friends with decided to turn sour towards me - the reasons for this I cannot work out and it began with the person in question trying to cause an argument over something that was not even an issue. I decided to stay out of this persons way in my uni house, as did my other housemate who I am good friends with. When the other friend left early for christmas the bullying really started. I was left with disgusting insults written on our kitchen appliances, music blaring on every TV in the house as a way to push me out of the house and when I switched the music off so as not to disturb the neighbours (which was being played on a TV I owned and offered to share use of with the other two students) I had this person trying to kick in and pound down my door so I could be screamed at.
    I reported this to my student support advised by another friend, and this person after given a warning decided to threaten me via text over the christmas period. This was also reported.
    Now we just have to tolerate each other as neither of us found someone to rent/new place to live before returning for semester 2 study. But I am still met with passive aggressive actions. They will switch lights off in the living room if I am in there, and doors will be slammed when they cross my path in the house.
    I am fine to tolerate it as long as it does not become threatening and personal again but I am just wondering how many of these situations occur when living with other students at university?
    To note, this person was never of sound mind when we were friendly but I thought I had gotten past such behaviour when I came to uni and I hope I am not the only person who has had to deal with this.
    If anyone has any similar stories I would love to hear them

    It is only in college that you fight your way out of bullying.. In Uni you have to rise above it.
    Smile to your haters.. Laugh about it.. Rise higher than this ********.. Find new a place.. hang out with better people.. Don't lose your time and energy on those who are not worth it.
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    It was when I started university and I sat in all my lectures with this same group of girls. And it was clear they all had very different interests to me. It mostly started when we had to introduce the person next to us in one of our seminars (this was three weeks after uni began) and I got this girls name wrong. I laughed it off with them, but the next lecture I saw the person sat next to me texting the other people on our table in a group chat - and they were talking about me! And this girl was like "ugh why did she have to sit next to me" "she stinks" (what bothered me most was I didn't, I had a shower like 30 mins before I left the house).

    So I skipped uni for the rest of the week feeling bad, but the next week I just sat at a different table and luckily they were all nice people and didn't even question me just sitting there. I still smile and say hello to a couple of the girls on the table, in fact just last week I had to sit with them in another lecture cause my friend and I got moved to their group. But it's been months now. Though they did prank call me at the end of November, or attempted to (anyone who knows me knows that I never answer my phone because it's always on silence). Since then, nothing.

    My best advice to anyone who is being bullied is, if you know who to talk to and know your uni will actually do something (I knew mine wouldn't): tell someone. And try to get evidence too. And if, like me, didn't know who to tell and that your uni would be crap with handling it anyway. - just walk away. Don't give them the time of day. Block anyone on social media, sit with other people. If it comes to it, say you can't do a lecture time anymore and ask to change lecture days (I know this isn't always possible, but it's worth a try if you do need to get away from them).
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    Unfortunately in the real world of bullying when an incident is serious it is serious, and on occasion requires to be met seriously. Equally unfortunate is that bullying is n`t taken seriously, that`s to say, a bully is typically assumed to be no more than a bully. This can be very far from the truth. People are quick to close their minds to those places which they least wish to go - The very worst characters in our society bully all the time. They may finish with degrees, but they will never finish genuinely human.
    Many bullies are actually encouraged by having obstacles placed in their path/nurtured to grow more powerful. Then when you most require the support of an authority it is seldom there, not there because of the same running away from reality, the running away from how unpleasant some people/creatures can be. Your love will never change a bully, so never go out with one.
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    This is probably a little late but nevertheless hope it kind of helps.

    It's been said previously but keep a log of everything this person does, even discreetly video record if you can or sound record the shouting etc. I've noticed at university that people do not outright call people names etc, but they have this horrible sly way of getting to people. Hope you're sorted and if not keep your chin up.
 
 
 
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