The Student Room Group

Should I stick up for myself?Boyfriend and Arguements

When me and my bf fall out or he hurts me in some way i can never say horrible things or be nasty to him, but it seems that he finds it so easy. He can call me names and its really hurtful. What should i do? Hes so loving the rest of the time but makes me feel sick from some of his comments.

Should i stick up for myself and tell him how i really feel by saying things back and risk our arguments getting worse and more upsetting or continue to let him be nasty and let things blow over?

thanks x :smile:
Hmm I had one of those once...grrr. The truth of the matter is you cant let him treat you like that. There is no reason for him to call you names. You ought to tell him how you feel. You don't have to say rude names back to him, just tell him how it hurts you. Dont let him think he can get away with it.
Tell him you are not standing for it, if he carries on ditch him and find someone who actually treats you with respect.
Reply 3
I'm currently in that atm, where my partner can say and do whatever, and I just can't bring myself to be mean on purpose.

Usually, I brush it off, as I know I'm better than resorting to petty insults, but sometimes it gets too much, and I flip, and just tell her whats what.

If you don't want to deal with the insults, if it starts, just hang up.
Reply 4
You obviously don't feel comfortable in this situation, so talk to him :smile: You should stick up for yourself no matter who it is! He is your boyfriend, naturally he should show you respect, and visa versa.

But yeah, talk to him. It'll either go one of two ways. He'll understand and learn from his mistake, or the complete opposite, which shows what kind of a man he really is if he can hurt you that easily...not a very nice one!

Good luck! Keep smiling ^_^
Reply 5
I would never stand for someone calling me names, it's childish and hurtful and shows a complete lack of respect. There's no excuse either - he may be angry but he should deal with the situation calmly and not resort to cheap digs.

You need to talk to him about it and tell him how much it hurts you, tell him that you won't put up with it.
Reply 6
You shouldn't be thinking in the sense of 'why can't I say things to hurt him?'
.. I mean, you really shouldn't be aiming to cause him pain, just because he's doing it to you - It will end badly, believe me.. You'll just end up having very childish arguments..

But please talk to him about it.. He shouldn't be calling you names and making you feel like ****, lovely. That's not on..
Don't play his game, just tell him that you're not putting up with it anymore.
yes you should stand up for yourself, unde no cirumstance should you tolerate that, next time he does it tell him to do one and walk away.
Reply 8
jessbates1
When me and my bf fall out or he hurts me in some way i can never say horrible things or be nasty to him, but it seems that he finds it so easy. He can call me names and its really hurtful. What should i do? Hes so loving the rest of the time but makes me feel sick from some of his comments.

Should i stick up for myself and tell him how i really feel by saying things back and risk our arguments getting worse and more upsetting or continue to let him be nasty and let things blow over?

thanks x :smile:


No, don't stoop to his level of calling names etc - that only further damage the relationship. What's good would be - wait for him to calm down, then have a quiet word with him and explain to him how hurtful his words were and it's something he needs to work on. It won't change overnight, but you should see that he makes an effort to change - and as long as he does try, you can still work on it. But if he refuses, then I suppose consider breaking up with him cus in the long run, it'll accumulate and you and the relationship would self-destruct.

I never talk back at my bf when we argue either, interestingly enough, cus I'd talk back at anyone except him. He never insults me, but he's prone to shouting, which I really hate. And basically we're both the sensitive sort, so what happens is - I end up wanting to cry, upon seeing that I'm horribly upset, my bf forgets the whole argument and becomes busy apologising and comforting me and he gets really upset that I'm upset. Then upon seeing that he's upset, I get upset that he's upset so I stop being angry with him...:rolleyes: In any case, on occasions, a good cry puts us both back into a good mood. It's odd.
Reply 9
It's my life
Tell him you are not standing for it, if he carries on ditch him and find someone who actually treats you with respect.


He may be an Aston Villa supporter (o/j :p: ) - but he speaks the truth.
Reply 10
jessbates1
When me and my bf fall out or he hurts me in some way i can never say horrible things or be nasty to him, but it seems that he finds it so easy. He can call me names and its really hurtful. What should i do? Hes so loving the rest of the time but makes me feel sick from some of his comments.

Should i stick up for myself and tell him how i really feel by saying things back and risk our arguments getting worse and more upsetting or continue to let him be nasty and let things blow over?

thanks x :smile:

I'm 24 years old and never had a relationship but i am someone who would never argue with a girl who was my girlfriend or call them hurtfull names, however who knows if i will ever get a girlfriend in this lifetime to put my kind ways into force. But still i am never horrible to my girl type friend or collegues ever.
TALK TO HIM!

Tell him he is lovely, but turns into the Hulk at the first sign of a dispute. Either he is a lovely guy that gets carried away, or he is a nasty piece of work in disguise. If when you talk about it, it leads to an argument (and not because you approach the issue sounding like a bitchy nag! You must be calm) then he is probably the latter, but if he says he is sorry/must try harder etc, then you might have the former.

But bitching back isn't a good idea. It will probably make things worse and revenge isn't really called for in relationships. Make sure you are aware of when you are being unreasonable and causing arguments and behave accordingly. Also, be aware of when he is being the fool and walk away, giving him time to calm down, and then talk about things calmly. Let him know that being verbally abusive won't make you come around to his way of thinking.