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    Please could you read what I've written so far and give me some criticism and ideas? Also what grade do you think it would get at GCSE? Thank you!!!!

    Daylight wanes as an autumnal flurry draws near, replacing the amiable summer warmth. On an aged bench she sits amidst the metamorphosis, a cold wind biting at her bare face; a face that has been beaten by the elements for so long. Faltering light drips through a canopy of burnt leaves, hindered by the thick cloud above, and scatters on the ground below. The flashes of sunlight are a welcome yet sparse reprieve from the crisp breeze grazing her skin.
    Behind her she hears a faint laugh almost lost to the wind and turns herself to look upon a giddy child buried in leaves. An explosion of burnt hues twists up after the girl as she leaps from the pile towards a man walking down the damp path beside her. The man, presumably the girl’s father, feigns shock with a short but loud inhale of the bitter air and a quick placement of his right hand on his chest; a smile then melts across his face as the bundled up girl runs towards him, her scarf streaming behind her and fine, mousy curls bouncing down her back. A small cloud of copper and scarlet plumes from her heels as she leaps into her father’s arms.
    Quickly the woman turns her head back. A sigh falls from her lungs. The enjoyment that the changing seasons bring to people is lost on her, no longer do the fairies place the dew drops on the grass at night nor do the falling leaves place a smile on her face. The wet grass is a harsh reminder of the cold night preceding and the dead leaves are but an indicator that the weather is turning against her.
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    I can grade this for you but you need to remove this post ASAP. Otherwise you may be accused of plagarising since it's on the internet, regardless of the fact that it is in fact YOUR work.
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    (Original post by Wolfram Alpha)
    I can grade this for you but you need to remove this post ASAP. Otherwise you may be accused of plagarising since it's on the internet, regardless of the fact that it is in fact YOUR work.
    I will delete it once I'm done and id be very grateful if you could mark it
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    (Original post by scarlettpoole)
    I will delete it once I'm done and id be very grateful if you could mark it
    No problem. Although, if other people quote you then you will be unable to remove their post.
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    (Original post by Wolfram Alpha)
    No problem. Although, if other people quote you then you will be unable to remove their post.
    thank you!
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    (Original post by scarlettpoole)
    thank you!
    No problem. I'll get back to this afternoon .
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    Alright. I have a friend who is a GCSE English teacher, and she had a look and said it is definitely an A*. The only possible changes would be to change 'short but loud inhale' to 'short and loud inhale' and 'the weather is turning against her' to 'the world is turning against her'. Other than that, your piece of writing is excellent.
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    I think this so nice, would anyone be kind enough to go on my page and read my own descriptive writing.
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    But I think you need to work on your ending it is not as strong as your beginning
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    (Original post by scarlettpoole)
    Please could you read what I've written so far and give me some criticism and ideas? Also what grade do you think it would get at GCSE? Thank you!!!!

    Daylight wanes as an autumnal flurry draws near, replacing the amiable summer warmth. On an aged bench she sits amidst the metamorphosis, a cold wind biting at her bare face; a face that has been beaten by the elements for so long. Faltering light drips through a canopy of burnt leaves, hindered by the thick cloud above, and scatters on the ground below. The flashes of sunlight are a welcome yet sparse reprieve from the crisp breeze grazing her skin.
    Behind her she hears a faint laugh almost lost to the wind and turns herself to look upon a giddy child buried in leaves. An explosion of burnt hues twists up after the girl as she leaps from the pile towards a man walking down the damp path beside her. The man, presumably the girl’s father, feigns shock with a short but loud inhale of the bitter air and a quick placement of his right hand on his chest; a smile then melts across his face as the bundled up girl runs towards him, her scarf streaming behind her and fine, mousy curls bouncing down her back. A small cloud of copper and scarlet plumes from her heels as she leaps into her father’s arms.
    Quickly the woman turns her head back. A sigh falls from her lungs. The enjoyment that the changing seasons bring to people is lost on her, no longer do the fairies place the dew drops on the grass at night nor do the falling leaves place a smile on her face. The wet grass is a harsh reminder of the cold night preceding and the dead leaves are but an indicator that the weather is turning against her.
    This is amazing,
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    Really realllllyyy good. Always remember to vary your sentence length and use your devices and whatnot (Similes, personification etc..) Just some advice my English teacher told me. Otherwise keep it up!
 
 
 
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