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Fanfiction Scene, Please Check It Out (hope it's not too long, give it a chance). Watch

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    So my old stories suck compared to my poetry so I've tried out fanfiction instead, and I'm actually a lot better at that than normal stories, so I've got into it and it's fun

    I'm writing a Lion King one as well but there's not much to show for it right now

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


    But right now I've written nearly four chapters for my Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic and I really like it so far. And no, I'm not one of those weird people who write fanfics about random shipped couples getting Sonic or Shadow pregnant (why tf do people even do that, jeez). But despite the disappointment in trying to find good fanfiction on one of my favourite franchises, (and despite the questions I have for some of our fanbase), I still want to write fanfiction on it- yes for a more older audience (like teens and adults)- but with a lot more thought, creative integrity and meaningfulness put into it. An actual story plot. That's what I'm going for anyway. :gthumb: Here's an extract from one of the chapters and I'd like your thoughts on it please. Adult language involved. Work in progress. Critique is welcomed.

    Context: Espio the Chameleon has decided to secretly investigate something strange that he has found about Vector the Crocodile's background, and he has come to a conclusion. He wakes up in the same room he was doing the research in, (yes, the computer room :lol:), but Vector has just called Espio and is nearly about to find out what he's doing, so he panics. And so the dramatic scene begins....
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Suddenly Espio bolted up wide awake, and he realised that he had fallen asleep on the job, with the computer still switched on and displaying all of his research from earlier that morning. Footsteps were coming. Heavy crocodile footsteps. Panic set in instantly. Espio froze, then looked side to side very quickly, terrified and thinking what to do. He looked at the computer. He closed off all the pages, but in a frenzied panic he had smashed too many keys, which caused the computer to bug out with error dialogue boxes. He pressed enter billions of times but kept knocking the space bar too. Oh god, a blue screen! He was in for it now….

    “Espio?”

    And all Espio could think was:

    ****.

    “Uh yeah ju- just a second!”

    “Where are you? Are you okay?”

    Espio was usually calm, but he was now biting his fingers on his left hand, ready to accept his doom. He had screwed up. He was willing to admit his mistakes.

    “Uh Vector? We have a problem!”

    “What?!”

    “Report to the computer room NOW! And uh, t-try to be forgiving please!”

    He wasn’t 100% able to distinguish, but he could have sworn that he heard Vector exclaim some curse words. Then the foot steps quickened rapidly. The croc ran like a trooper and kicked the door open- WHAM!- and was not impressed by what he saw at all.

    “ESPIO! What the hell are you doing in here? And what’s wrong? Is- IS MY COMPUTER BROKEN?!”

    The computer’s random codes whizzing down the blue screen and the buggy electronic noises answered that question for him. Espio stared at him wide-eyed, looking like he had just seen a ghost. Or like he was a kid that had been caught stealing candy. Or a chameleon that was about to probably get murdered by a crocodile. Take your pick.

    Espio laughed nervously, “Um, well, it might be a little buggy if that’s what you wanna call it, hehe”.

    Vector bellowed in rage.

    “EEEESSSSPIIIIOOOO!”

    Espio’s arms jolted forward on command with his hands in a “STOP” position.

    “Okay okay I can explain!” He shrugged innocently, smiling uncomfortably. “Just try and fix this first, you’re probably tech savvier than me Vector”

    Vector, now scowling, approached the computer, but looking at it, he was perplexed. Scratching his head, he pressed the reset button, which just made the computer screen glitch out completely. Blocks of SMPTE-like colour bars rapidly flashed on and off the screen in random places,with noises roaring and crackling from the computer that sounded like really bad walkie talkie interference. It sounded like it was going to explode. Kinda like Vector was going to do once he was finished with this. He banged his right fist into the top of the computer, which just made the screen blank out into a completely empty screen of blue, and the noise now sounded softer but more permanent. Suddenly, electric sparks fizzed and crackled from the computer tower. This was the end of life as we know it.

    Deadpan, Vector said, “Espio”

    Nervously, Espio replied, “Y- yes Vector?”

    “This is not good, is it Espio?”

    “Nope. Can’t say it is Vector”

    On cue, the tower caught ablaze, then the monitor exploded in an inferno of computer death. Debris flew in all directions and Espio fell over backwards with the chair, as Vector jumped back and fell on his back. They both stood up, brushed off the debris, and looked up in horror at the flaming computer.

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    (Original post by Rainbow Student)
    So my old stories suck compared to my poetry so I've tried out fanfiction instead, and I'm actually a lot better at that than normal stories, so I've got into it and it's fun

    I'm writing a Lion King one as well but there's not much to show for it right now

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


    But right now I've written nearly four chapters for my Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic and I really like it so far. And no, I'm not one of those weird people who write fanfics about random shipped couples getting Sonic or Shadow pregnant (why tf do people even do that, jeez). But despite the disappointment in trying to find good fanfiction on one of my favourite franchises, (and despite the questions I have for some of our fanbase), I still want to write fanfiction on it- yes for a more older audience (like teens and adults)- but with a lot more thought, creative integrity and meaningfulness put into it. An actual story plot. That's what I'm going for anyway. :gthumb: Here's an extract from one of the chapters and I'd like your thoughts on it please. Adult language involved. Work in progress. Critique is welcomed.

    Context: Espio the Chameleon has decided to secretly investigate something strange that he has found about Vector the Crocodile's background, and he has come to a conclusion. He wakes up in the same room he was doing the research in, (yes, the computer room :lol:), but Vector has just called Espio and is nearly about to find out what he's doing, so he panics. And so the dramatic scene begins....
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Suddenly Espio bolted up wide awake, and he realised that he had fallen asleep on the job, with the computer still switched on and displaying all of his research from earlier that morning. Footsteps were coming. Heavy crocodile footsteps. Panic set in instantly. Espio froze, then looked side to side very quickly, terrified and thinking what to do. He looked at the computer. He closed off all the pages, but in a frenzied panic he had smashed too many keys, which caused the computer to bug out with error dialogue boxes. He pressed enter billions of times but kept knocking the space bar too. Oh god, a blue screen! He was in for it now….

    “Espio?”

    And all Espio could think was:

    ****.

    “Uh yeah ju- just a second!”

    “Where are you? Are you okay?”

    Espio was usually calm, but he was now biting his fingers on his left hand, ready to accept his doom. He had screwed up. He was willing to admit his mistakes.

    “Uh Vector? We have a problem!”

    “What?!”

    “Report to the computer room NOW! And uh, t-try to be forgiving please!”

    He wasn’t 100% able to distinguish, but he could have sworn that he heard Vector exclaim some curse words. Then the foot steps quickened rapidly. The croc ran like a trooper and kicked the door open- WHAM!- and was not impressed by what he saw at all.

    “ESPIO! What the hell are you doing in here? And what’s wrong? Is- IS MY COMPUTER BROKEN?!”

    The computer’s random codes whizzing down the blue screen and the buggy electronic noises answered that question for him. Espio stared at him wide-eyed, looking like he had just seen a ghost. Or like he was a kid that had been caught stealing candy. Or a chameleon that was about to probably get murdered by a crocodile. Take your pick.

    Espio laughed nervously, “Um, well, it might be a little buggy if that’s what you wanna call it, hehe”.

    Vcetor bellowed in rage.

    “EEEESSSSPIIIIOOOO!”

    Espio’s arms jolted forward on command with his hands in a “STOP” position.

    “Okay okay I can explain!” He shrugged innocently, smiling uncomfortably. “Just try and fix this first, you’re probably tech savvier than me Vector”

    Vector, now scowling, approached the computer, but looking at it, he was perplexed. Scratching his head, he pressed the reset button, which just made the computer screen glitch out completely. Blocks of SMPTE-like colour bars rapidly flashed on and off the screen in random places,with noises roaring and crackling from the computer that sounded like really bad walkie talkie interference. It sounded like it was going to explode. Kinda like Vector was going to do once he was finished with this. He banged his right fist into the top of the computer, which just made the screen blank out into a completely empty screen of blue, and the noise now sounded softer but more permanent. Suddenly, electric sparks fizzed and crackled from the computer tower. This was the end of life as we know it.

    Deadpan, Vector said, “Espio”

    Nervously, Espio replied, “Y- yes Vector?”

    “This is not good, is it Espio?”

    “Nope. Can’t say it is Vector”

    On cue, the tower caught ablaze, then the monitor exploded in an inferno of computer death. Debris flew in all directions and Espio fell over backwards with the chair, as Vector jumped back and fell on his back. They both stood up, brushed off the debris, and looked up in horror at the flaming computer.
    Hi! I am not in the Sonic fandom, but your fanfic is really good! I love the dialogue (tech savvy lol) And the story seems really exciting Cliff hanger!
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    (Original post by FabulouslyAwks)
    Hi! I am not in the Sonic fandom, but your fanfic is really good! I love the dialogue (tech savvy lol) And the story seems really exciting Cliff hanger!
    Oh wow a reply! :woo: Thank you! Really appreciate it! :hugs:

    Thank you I'm glad you like it :yep: Haha lol yeah Woo! Yeah true

    Thanks again :yy:
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    (Original post by Rainbow Student)
    Oh wow a reply! :woo: Thank you! Really appreciate it! :hugs:

    Thank you I'm glad you like it :yep: Haha lol yeah Woo! Yeah true

    Thanks again :yy:
    No problem it's really good, continue it!
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    (Original post by FabulouslyAwks)
    No problem it's really good, continue it!
    Thank you! I will
 
 
 
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