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Unreasonable Jealousy From Past Experiences watch

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    Hey everyone,

    About 3 years ago I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I was cheated on, told I was ugly, humiliated sexually and mentally in ways I don't really want to go into. But you get the picture.

    Fast forward 3 years, and I'm with a great guy, we get on great and everything is good. We've known each other 5 years and dated for 1. He's a solid person, wouldn't cheat, is very loyal and respectful.

    But I still have such a problem with jealousy - like just now he liked some girls fb picture with her having worked out or something. I know there's nothing between them at all, he's just congratulating her on completing a really big fitness challenge she did and nothing more. But inside of me, I feel distraught, and then I get angry with myself because it's nothing. I know that he just likes to make people feel happy in themselves and he will like those kind of things. I get feelings as if I'd rather not be in a relationship at all, because the jealous feeling is so painful.

    It really makes me upset that I still feel this strongly, I know it's ridiculous to get upset about these things but it's been conditioned into me. I was wondering if anyone else is managing unreasonable feelings of jealous and how you cope with it all?
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    I haven`t got the first clue either. Don`t worry about these feelings. As God is my witness I can definitely help you here. If your human you`ll likely still be suffering from a degree, I don`t know how much, of post traumatic shock. At the time they`d of likely told you that you were bipolar, but that`s generally transient. Yes, generally not well understood by men, as well many women, what you suffered was likely to be compared with a mixture of war time shell shock and war time psychological torture. I had to struggle for an age before I could go there of emotion in order to save Madison, one of my lodgers, from her suiciide, and then I still had to communicate it back to her. It meant joining with her in understanding that she would be better off dead before I could even think to begin to help her. I lost a friend in LA, just seventeen, I`m sixty by the way, to suicide, she was the victim of gang rape. This is where it really all began for me. Not even her parents were told. She had expected nothing more from them than their blaming her. Hate can be a vital emotion. When self loathing turns to hatred for the abuser there has already been considerable recovery. You seem to have quite a few relationships now!! By the way, I may be sixty but I`m at world record braking level physically, haha!! I`m going for two new physical world records this year alone. It`s a wild guess, but is all this going on in America?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey everyone,

    About 3 years ago I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I was cheated on, told I was ugly, humiliated sexually and mentally in ways I don't really want to go into. But you get the picture.

    Fast forward 3 years, and I'm with a great guy, we get on great and everything is good. We've known each other 5 years and dated for 1. He's a solid person, wouldn't cheat, is very loyal and respectful.

    But I still have such a problem with jealousy - like just now he liked some girls fb picture with her having worked out or something. I know there's nothing between them at all, he's just congratulating her on completing a really big fitness challenge she did and nothing more. But inside of me, I feel distraught, and then I get angry with myself because it's nothing. I know that he just likes to make people feel happy in themselves and he will like those kind of things. I get feelings as if I'd rather not be in a relationship at all, because the jealous feeling is so painful.

    It really makes me upset that I still feel this strongly, I know it's ridiculous to get upset about these things but it's been conditioned into me. I was wondering if anyone else is managing unreasonable feelings of jealous and how you cope with it all?
    Try and remember he is with you because he wants to be with you, he's clearly not like your ex. Try and keep yourself busy when he is not around.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Kates David)
    Anonymous
    I haven`t got the first clue either. Don`t worry about these feelings. As God is my witness I can definitely help you here. If your human you`ll likely still be suffering from a degree, I don`t know how much, of post traumatic shock. At the time they`d of likely told you that you were bipolar, but that`s generally transient. Yes, generally not well understood by men, as well many women, what you suffered was likely to be compared with a mixture of war time shell shock and war time psychological torture. I had to struggle for an age before I could go there of emotion in order to save Madison, one of my lodgers, from her suiciide, and then I still had to communicate it back to her. It meant joining with her in understanding that she would be better off dead before I could even think to begin to help her. I lost a friend in LA, just seventeen, I`m sixty by the way, to suicide, she was the victim of gang rape. This is where it really all began for me. Not even her parents were told. She had expected nothing more from them than their blaming her. Hate can be a vital emotion. When self loathing turns to hatred for the abuser there has already been considerable recovery. You seem to have quite a few relationships now!! By the way, I may be sixty but I`m at world record braking level physically, haha!! I`m going for two new physical world records this year alone. It`s a wild guess, but is all this going on in America?
    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Try and remember he is with you because he wants to be with you, he's clearly not like your ex. Try and keep yourself busy when he is not around.

    Thanks guys, it means a lot to talk it out.

    Hi, he's American and I'm British...It's really hard for me to form relationships properly as I have an almost obsessive problem if someone says another girl is cute or if they talk about past experiences. It's hard for me because I fill up with a hatred of the person which I find really nasty and I do my best to curb. Sometimes I would like to just remain single because I make myself hurt from all these problems. I know what I should do but it's so hard to.

    Like just now he said as a joke that some girl winked at him and he found it silly, but in my mind I suddenly have this rage. I hate it, because it's not a little jealousy, it's a big problem. I've mentioned it to him and he's tactful and doesn't make comments about other women, but sometimes in conversation because I am quite laid back he talks to me more as a friend than a girlfriend and I struggle with it. Silly things like he finds red-heads attractive; now I struggle to accept him being around any female redhead friends he has.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks guys, it means a lot to talk it out.

    Hi, he's American and I'm British...It's really hard for me to form relationships properly as I have an almost obsessive problem if someone says another girl is cute or if they talk about past experiences. It's hard for me because I fill up with a hatred of the person which I find really nasty and I do my best to curb. Sometimes I would like to just remain single because I make myself hurt from all these problems. I know what I should do but it's so hard to.

    Like just now he said as a joke that some girl winked at him and he found it silly, but in my mind I suddenly have this rage. I hate it, because it's not a little jealousy, it's a big problem. I've mentioned it to him and he's tactful and doesn't make comments about other women, but sometimes in conversation because I am quite laid back he talks to me more as a friend than a girlfriend and I struggle with it. Silly things like he finds red-heads attractive; now I struggle to accept him being around any female redhead friends he has.
    You are trying to make a go of this relationship still quite early on the road to your recovery? - Mad`s recovery eventually began to accelerate away with adequate change of environment, but in quite subtle ways she was still trapped back in her past - You may have come far, but past experience like this cannot help but permanently impact upon one to a given degree. Even should you split with him a few times, it does not follow that he is the wrong one. Knowing that there are areas which should not be trod in a relationship tends one to going back there in retesting the waters. No matter how hard he tries he may still slip up.

    I`ve just put another world record attempt up on you tube: Apocalypse; Making It Big In Clubs.
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    Talk to him.
    Have a plan so you know what actions to take when you start to feel jealous.
    Go and see your GP and he can refer you for some therapy which can help you cope with the feelings as they might apply to future relationships as well.
    You know yourself its not normal and its very destructive

    Therapy cna teach you why you are thinking this way and give you methods on how to handle it. It sounds quite extreme, so you will have to think whether a relationship is right for you at this time.

    http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/emotional...gjealousy.aspx
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/arti...8n2yQ/jealousy
 
 
 
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