Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

How do I "get over it"? Ended my r'ship due to my infidelity. Watch

    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xobeauty)
    Why should he tell him now, he knew she was in a relationship before they slept together...now you want him to do a "good deed"?
    I don't care about him doing a "good deed". I just think the other guy deserves to know the truth so that he can leave this woman before having kids with her. Chances are she'll cheat again, so it's better he can end it now and not in 10 years when they've been married with kids. The longer it lasts, the more hurtful it will be, and the more difficult it will become to get over.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xobeauty)
    its not his place to say anything at this point
    I don't think you quite got it, she wasn't his place either, he did it anyway.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't want any. I just want to feel less ****ed up.

    You'll get over it, You got used, you're a wasteman for getting used. Keep that in mind and it will never bother you after a while.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by whorace)
    I don't think you quite got it, she wasn't his place either, he did it anyway.
    What?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nadile)
    I don't care about him doing a "good deed". I just think the other guy deserves to know the truth so that he can leave this woman before having kids with her. Chances are she'll cheat again, so it's better he can end it now and not in 10 years when they've been married with kids. The longer it lasts, the more hurtful it will be, and the more difficult it will become to get over.
    I think he needs to know the truth but not from the guy she cheated on him with.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by xobeauty)
    Do you like the other woman
    Yes.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xobeauty)
    I think he needs to know the truth but not from the guy she cheated on him with.
    Well who else is gonna tell him? His girlfriend? I doubt it.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    TSR Support Team
    Fair enough you admitted it but the trouble is you play with fire, you get burned.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I began to get more and more disillusioned when she was talking about her new home with her partner, the decor and how nice their house is.

    I just cannot believe it really, that all the nice chats we had just meant nothing.
    She did seem to initiate sex more than I did, but I wanted the intimacy and she a wall around her. When we were in bed she made an effort to not touch me, and I hated that. When I used my fingers on her private parts, she didn't really respond physically. So I feel like I was just a penis to her and a different man (I don't even know if I look better than her boyfriend as I don't know him). She didn't like it when I was more gentle with her, when I wanted to take things more slowly. It was all pretty ****ed up. I thought she would have the same feelings for me, she didn't.

    We parted ways, she told me good luck for the future with a hateful look in her eye as she closed the door. I just cannot get it out of my head. I just never understood why she looked at me like I'm a prick. Maybe it was because I seem spoilt because of my background? I am confident? I just didn't know.

    At home with my girlfriend, I was just constantly distant and really tired of pretending. It was not fair on her, none of it was.
    I do understand why you'd be upset; you liked this girl but she's looking forward to spending her life with her partner, and she literally only wanted sex. It's upsetting to know that that's all she wanted from you, but at least you know you've been used and I'm hoping you've learnt from this and won't cheat on your girlfriend or sleep with someone with a partner again.

    As for her giving you a hateful look, it's probably because she's realised cheating may ruin her relationship, and she's blaming you in her head as you slept with her. We have no way of knowing though.

    I'm glad you acknowledge that it wasn't fair on your girlfriend, and hopefully you won't hurt someone like that again. At least you came clean with her though, so she knows it's not her fault.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xobeauty)
    I think he needs to know the truth but not from the guy she cheated on him with.
    Well I doubt the cheating girlfriend is going to come clean, so there really is no other choice is there?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds complicated.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Shumaya)
    Well I doubt the cheating girlfriend is going to come clean, so there really is no other choice is there?
    He ****s his girl then tells him? Why does he have to be the one to rub it it in face. Why show 'concern' now after the fact- makes him look so petty.
    • #2
    #2

    Send an anonymous tip about her cheating
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xobeauty)
    He ****s his girl then tells him? Why does he have to be the one to rub it it in face. Why show 'concern' now after the fact- makes him look so petty.
    I think he has a right to know that his girlfriend has been unfaithful, even if he has to hear it from OP. I'm sure most people would rather not be in the dark. The OP may look petty, but are you honestly saying that it's better that this guy unknowingly settles down with a cheater?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by whorace)
    You got used.

    What did she get?

    She got all the sex she wanted.
    She will now settle down with her boyfriend.

    What did you get?

    You felt like crap.
    You broke up with your girlfriend.

    I think you should tell her boyfriend.
    Why blow up her spot because he decided to develop a conscience? Won't make him feel any better....
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    I do understand why you'd be upset; you liked this girl but she's looking forward to spending her life with her partner, and she literally only wanted sex. It's upsetting to know that that's all she wanted from you, but at least you know you've been used and I'm hoping you've learnt from this and won't cheat on your girlfriend or sleep with someone with a partner again.

    As for her giving you a hateful look, it's probably because she's realised cheating may ruin her relationship, and she's blaming you in her head as you slept with her. We have no way of knowing though.

    I'm glad you acknowledge that it wasn't fair on your girlfriend, and hopefully you won't hurt someone like that again. At least you came clean with her though, so she knows it's not her fault.
    An update on things. I had a row with her today. It was, cathartic, to say the least

    I asked her why she slept with me if she was going to choose her boyfriend. I realised that I got used for mostly my money. I don't think she ever wanted anything serious. I was giving her money to help her out because she had been out of work for a year and a half - I had given her about £1000 over the time I knew her because I trusted her and because (to be open about it) I was in love with her.

    Now I realise that she effectively enjoyed being lavished with gifts etc, and when I wanted her to see me as an actual person instead of a bank card... she remembered her boyfriend at home. It explains why she was reluctant to be affectionate with me, no hugs, no real intimacy. She gave me good sex to make me think that there could be something there in the future... there wasn't, I was sold a lie.

    It explains why when I was more withdrawn on things like trips away and spending money on her... she went cold. I never really thought about it, but it made me realise that she actually hated my background, but she wanted to have the materialistic things. With my (now ex) gf, these sorts of things, the material things, were just a part of our lives we never really thought about, we went on trips away because we loved each other. The girl I cheated with went on trips with me because she wanted gifts.

    Her boyfriend by the way, he is a bit of a failure in life, in his late 30s and he cannot hold down a job. It makes me seem bitter, because he is the one she loves, but whatever. He makes her feel something that I can't.


    I realise, I have been stupid. I left my girlfriend for a girl with orange fake tan, brace, and questionable moral standards (she looks like what people call "WAGs"). I don't have any real romantic feelings for either anymore, it is all pretty much dead. But, I just feel really tired and I cannot concentrate on my life or get out of this mentally debilitated state I am in.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    I'm going to hope that you aren't friends with the boyfriend?

    I know this is rough, but you are going to have to just look on this whole situation as having paid for sex. You fell in love with a hooker, but she isn't Julia Roberts, and you aren't Richard Gere.

    Do the normal breakup stuff. Get down the gym. Get a new wardrobe. Get out and about. You are old enough to know how this works.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by HFBS)
    I'm going to hope that you aren't friends with the boyfriend?

    I know this is rough, but you are going to have to just look on this whole situation as having paid for sex. You fell in love with a hooker, but she isn't Julia Roberts, and you aren't Richard Gere.

    Do the normal breakup stuff. Get down the gym. Get a new wardrobe. Get out and about. You are old enough to know how this works.
    I don't even know the boyfriend personally, I just know him from how she describes him.

    Yeah, I am in my mid 20s and I basically got suckered into paying for it. I was just too blinded to see it. I keep thinking to myself "What the ****?".

    All of this time, she was hoping that her and her bf would elevate themselves to be on an equal standing socioeconomically. I wasn't even in the ****ing equation. She hated people from better off backgrounds but she wanted to enjoy the lifestyle. Her whole reasoning was just really weird thinking back on it: "I don't like x/y/z a place as it is too superficial and materialistic" ... but she would happily accept gifts etc and go cold without them. I remember one time when I told her I was going to spend a bit less on her that day, she didn't look happy.

    Yeah I guess I am in the "Waking the **** up" stage right now.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    An update on things. I had a row with her today. It was, cathartic, to say the least

    I asked her why she slept with me if she was going to choose her boyfriend. I realised that I got used for mostly my money. I don't think she ever wanted anything serious. I was giving her money to help her out because she had been out of work for a year and a half - I had given her about £1000 over the time I knew her because I trusted her and because (to be open about it) I was in love with her.

    Now I realise that she effectively enjoyed being lavished with gifts etc, and when I wanted her to see me as an actual person instead of a bank card... she remembered her boyfriend at home. It explains why she was reluctant to be affectionate with me, no hugs, no real intimacy. She gave me good sex to make me think that there could be something there in the future... there wasn't, I was sold a lie.

    It explains why when I was more withdrawn on things like trips away and spending money on her... she went cold. I never really thought about it, but it made me realise that she actually hated my background, but she wanted to have the materialistic things. With my (now ex) gf, these sorts of things, the material things, were just a part of our lives we never really thought about, we went on trips away because we loved each other. The girl I cheated with went on trips with me because she wanted gifts.

    Her boyfriend by the way, he is a bit of a failure in life, in his late 30s and he cannot hold down a job. It makes me seem bitter, because he is the one she loves, but whatever. He makes her feel something that I can't.


    I realise, I have been stupid. I left my girlfriend for a girl with orange fake tan, brace, and questionable moral standards (she looks like what people call "WAGs". I don't have any real romantic feelings for either anymore, it is all pretty much dead. But, I just feel really tired and I cannot concentrate on my life or get out of this mentally debilitated state I am in.
    It's awful behaviour on her part, but unfortunately it's becoming more common nowadays. It's very sad that she was just using you for money, but it definitely explained a lot; like you said, the lack of physical intimacy etc. But at least you're out of that now, and you won't make the same mistake again. Plus it's good that you got out of your relationship as you didn't feel anything for her any more so it would be cruel to keep it up.

    It's best to actively try not to think about it - distract yourself by playing games, exercising, meeting friends, going to events etc. If you catch yourself thinking about it, consciously make the effort to think of something else. It really helps to talk about it too though, so please PM me if you want to do a bit of confidential chatting/therapy :P
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't even know the boyfriend personally, I just know him from how she describes him.
    Excellent. Then you are clear of any moral imperative to tell him. No home-wrecking required.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wasn't even in the ****ing equation. She hated people from better off backgrounds but she wanted to enjoy the lifestyle.
    Lucky escape dude. Congratulations.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 26, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.