Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Is it bad that I DON'T want to be an 'independent woman'? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Ethereal World)
    This is something I've been commenting on recently or thinking in my head. I think feminism is creating a female version of emasculation for a lot of women. The incessant need for equality in every form is detracting from our biological determinism. Women are the caring sex- we have been built like that over all of evolutionary time. Women who advocate for feminism need to be careful that yes, we want to move towards this ideal of equal opportunities but we need to be mindful of the biological restrictions within that. We are still a species, animals, and we still need to prosper on that level. This, for example, is demonstrated where in Western countries where gender equality is basically a thing for all intents and purposes, birth rate is falling below replacement level, leading to governments to incentivise families to have children. Some of my friends never wanted to go to university and wanted to stay at home and have kids and be a stay at home mum. Everyone is entitled to that choice and we should all be respectful of each other's individual preferences.
    Yeah I agree both femininity and masculinity are being eliminated and essentially becoming one... There's clear signs of it being pushed more with 'gender-neutrality', which is probably the future of things.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    do whatever you want just make sure you aren't helpless should something happen to him
    and sign a pre nup
    so should he leave you for being a sponge
    you can leave with something
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lol-done)
    do whatever you want just make sure you aren't helpless should something happen to him
    and sign a pre nup
    so should he leave you for being a sponge
    you can leave with something
    Errr... I wouldn't be a sponge. I would be working hard giving birth to and raising his progeny, as well as working part time... As I said I'm at a top 10 uni getting a very good degree so I don't think I'm in any danger of being helpless.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Errr... I wouldn't be a sponge. I would be working hard giving birth to and raising his progeny, as well as working part time... As I said I'm at a top 10 uni getting a very good degree so I don't think I'm in any danger of being helpless.
    err you would be a sponge if you're not working :hmmm: :rofl:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lol-done)
    err you would be a sponge if you're not working :hmmm: :rofl:
    Err no I said I would be working a job part time, and looking after the children the rest of the time. That is working 7 days a week my friend. I'm not going to be sat infront of the TV I'm going to be changing nappies, cleaning, cooking, reading to the kids, doing the shopping, running errands etc.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Err no I said I would be working a job part time, and looking after the children the rest of the time. That is working 7 days a week my friend. I'm not going to be sat infront of the TV I'm going to be changing nappies, cleaning, cooking, reading to the kids, doing the shopping, running errands etc.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't want to be an independent woman, in fact even the thought makes me melancholic. I want to find the love of my life, take care of each other and grow old with him. I want to be one of those really old couples you still see holding hands. I want to build a strong and loving family and raise children, and grandchildren.

    I've never bought into this whole 'I don't need a man' thing, because I admit that do. I want to give my love, nurturing, support to my future partner and make sure he feels needed and accepted. I want to receive protection, guidance and build trust and intimacy. Whilst I've unfortunately never had a boyfriend, men have done a lot for me, not least my own father who's love I need very much as well. I don't think that I was made to walk this earth alone just chasing after a corporate dream, pleasing my boss, buying designer bags and stashing coins in the bank.

    I'm currently a student at a 'Top 10' uni and whilst I enjoy and put a lot of work into my subject I know it's not everything. I want a decent career to co-provide for a future family but I know I will have to make many sacrifices in my career progression order to have a family and I'm okay with that. I see far more fulfilment and joy in that. And whilst I have 40+ years to progress my career I only have 15 or so in which to have children which worries me far more.

    What do you guys all think?
    Should I forget it all and become 'Miss Independent?'


    I didn't see working part time in here let me look again but in the meantime
    I mean
    all of those are standard contributions that you can do not being a housewife "working part time" at McDonalds.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I sort of want this as well.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I wholeheartedly empathise and agree op. I feel very alienated by other people (mostly women) who have a go at me about my views on this.

    I was far happier being a kept woman before the relationship ended and went pete tong. I liked cooking and cleaning for someone I liked and respected and it wasn't anti feminism because as a woman that was my choice.

    It angers me when people I know come out with **** like "have you no pride/dignity" etc. Sadly, there are times where I feel that women's lib has gone too far towards the other end of extreme where other women can be quite verbally aggressive towards women who don't want to go it alone.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't want to be an independent woman, in fact even the thought makes me melancholic. I want to find the love of my life, take care of each other and grow old with him. I want to be one of those really old couples you still see holding hands. I want to build a strong and loving family and raise children, and grandchildren.

    I've never bought into this whole 'I don't need a man' thing, because I admit that do. I want to give my love, nurturing, support to my future partner and make sure he feels needed and accepted. I want to receive protection, guidance and build trust and intimacy. Whilst I've unfortunately never had a boyfriend, men have done a lot for me, not least my own father who's love I need very much as well. I don't think that I was made to walk this earth alone just chasing after a corporate dream, pleasing my boss, buying designer bags and stashing coins in the bank.

    I'm currently a student at a 'Top 10' uni and whilst I enjoy and put a lot of work into my subject I know it's not everything. I want a decent career to co-provide for a future family but I know I will have to make many sacrifices in my career progression order to have a family and I'm okay with that. I see far more fulfilment and joy in that. And whilst I have 40+ years to progress my career I only have 15 or so in which to have children which worries me far more.

    What do you guys all think?
    Should I forget it all and become 'Miss Independent?'
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lol-done)
    I didn't see working part time in here let me look again but in the meantime
    I mean
    all of those are standard contributions that you can do not being a housewife "working part time" at McDonalds.
    My very first post said clearly that I want to co-provide for my family and that I didn't mind sacrificing my career progression to help raise the children. I'm basically saying that my children will always come first, and would be the most important thing to me. Oh and I won't be working at McDonalds as I already have a grad job lined up for me plus a funded Masters after doing well in an intern scheme for a company last summer
    Plus my reference to not wanting to be an independent was about love and companionship, and building a family not just financial. And not once did I say I want to be a leisure wife or a housewife.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by beautifulbigmacs)
    I wholeheartedly empathise and agree op. I feel very alienated by other people (mostly women) who have a go at me about my views on this.

    I was far happier being a kept woman before the relationship ended and went pete tong. I liked cooking and cleaning for someone I liked and respected and it wasn't anti feminism because as a woman that was my choice.

    It angers me when people I know come out with **** like "have you no pride/dignity" etc. Sadly, there are times where I feel that women's lib has gone too far towards the other end of extreme where other women can be quite verbally aggressive towards women who don't want to go it alone.
    Yes that's true most of the shaming and guilt-tripping does come from other women. I guess we are just needy, with internalized misogyny. The irony is those who are of feminist stance should respect and embrace such choices. It's definitely not all of them but I think many are miserable and want to drag other people down with them. I feel very happy in a man's company and feel like my full feminine self. I also love family and being around children so an independent life isn't something that I want.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Wish women wore a hairpin or something so guys could tell which ones want to stay at home (supposedly to be a mother) and which want to work for a living.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I've been sat looking at this thread for about 10 minutes trying to think of something to post. I quite can't think of what to say.


    But it's something along the line of encouragement, happiness and an inspiring anecdote.
    Online

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't want to be an independent woman, in fact even the thought makes me melancholic. I want to find the love of my life, take care of each other and grow old with him. I want to be one of those really old couples you still see holding hands. I want to build a strong and loving family and raise children, and grandchildren.

    I've never bought into this whole 'I don't need a man' thing, because I admit that do. I want to give my love, nurturing, support to my future partner and make sure he feels needed and accepted. I want to receive protection, guidance and build trust and intimacy. Whilst I've unfortunately never had a boyfriend, men have done a lot for me, not least my own father who's love I need very much as well. I don't think that I was made to walk this earth alone just chasing after a corporate dream, pleasing my boss, buying designer bags and stashing coins in the bank.

    I'm currently a student at a 'Top 10' uni and whilst I enjoy and put a lot of work into my subject I know it's not everything. I want a decent career to co-provide for a future family but I know I will have to make many sacrifices in my career progression order to have a family and I'm okay with that. I see far more fulfilment and joy in that. And whilst I have 40+ years to progress my career I only have 15 or so in which to have children which worries me far more.

    What do you guys all think?
    Should I forget it all and become 'Miss Independent?'
    good for you ! providing a nurturing home environment bustling with children must be the best job in the world

    far better than being some ageing desk jockette with two cats and a bad Chardonnay habit.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by XOR_)
    Wish women wore a hairpin or something so guys could tell which ones want to stay at home (supposedly to be a mother) and which want to work for a living.
    Ermmm well signs for me would me I'm much more likely to post a picture of the cookies I made, a dress that I've sewn and some new interiors than mirror selfies, make up hauls or drunk photos online. Haha okay I'm generalizing Then again, I still want to work part time. I think it would be very difficult to keep a family entirely on one wage so I would want to chip in financially and spend the rest of the time keeping the home in order.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lord_lemon_head)
    Everyone os different.

    You get females that are less independent and want a independent man.

    You get males that are less independent and want a independent female.

    You get women that are more masculine and males that are more feminine. Etc

    Everyone is different, different preferences.

    Just need to find the other half that matches with your preference.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    deplorable!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by the bear)
    good for you ! providing a nurturing home environment bustling with children must be the best job in the world

    far better than being some ageing desk jockette with two cats and a bad Chardonnay habit.
    Definitely, nothing brings me more joy than family
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Supersaps)
    I've been sat looking at this thread for about 10 minutes trying to think of something to post. I quite can't think of what to say.


    But it's something along the line of encouragement, happiness and an inspiring anecdote.
    Aww well I hope you've enjoyed this thread
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    All I'm going to say is that everybody lets you down in the end.

    Regardless, good luck to anybody like this.
    Offline

    1
    Well done.
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    Good for you OP, there are no shortage of men who will take you with that view.

    I myself would like a future wife who'll earn say £1k per month post tax (pay her way so to speak) but other than that, be at home looking after me and our heirs. That either means a woman with a part time professional career or perhaps more likely somebody who works full time but in something like hair or beauty.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 2, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.