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I want to take off hijab but don't know how to break it to family Watch

    • #1
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    #1

    I live at home and for a couple of years now I've been feeling very uncomfortable with wearing a hijab. I just don't feel I identify with it and it's point any more. But I don't know how to break it to my family and friends who would feel shocked, angry, ashamed or sad (especially my mum) if I took it off. I tried telling my best friend about "a cousin" who wanted to take it off and she basically replied with disgust and suspicion about motives and stuff and I didn't feel I could be honest with her about my views after that.

    Does anyone have any experience of this or any advise? Thanks.
    • #2
    #2

    Are you a Muslim and if so do you want to follow Islam properly?

    I just don't feel I identify with it and it's point any more.
    Why do you not see the point of it?
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    im not encouraging you to take it off but it shouldn't be forced upon someone as that just turns them away more and is wrong. Just break it to them and say you want you wearing the hijab to come upon you naturally and forcing you will turn you away more.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Does anyone have any experience of this or any advise? Thanks.
    First of all, prepare for this thread to be bombarded by Moslems, some of whom will hide under anonymous (like the one above), who will attempt to convince you that Islam is right, that you must behave as they see a good Moslem behave, that you should respect what your parents say blah blah blah. Ignore them all and report their posts as spam so they can be removed.

    If you are 18 or over then there is no question that you have the right to determine how you will dress and how (and if) you will follow your religion. I do understand the problems that overbearing, particularly Moslem, parents can be for a young person, though. You will need to be insistent, persistent, and prepared for big rows. Obviously, be very careful if your parents are very controlling and might get violent, and consider working towards leaving home before abandoning the hijab. They need to treat you as an adult who is integrated into western society, not as a chattel somewhere else.

    If you are younger than 18 then I suggest you ring Childline and get some advice there, as you may be the subject of child abuse.
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    You could just not wear it and just tell them you don't feel its you at this stage if they ask you. Maybe they'll not confront you and you can get away with not talking about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Are you a Muslim and if so do you want to follow Islam properly?
    Since women aren't required to cover their head in the Koran, wearing the hijab has nothing to do with following Islam properly.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Josb)
    Since women aren't required to cover their head in the Koran, wearing the hijab has nothing to do with following Islam properly.
    The conditions of hijaab:

    Firstly:

    (It should cover all the body apart from whatever has been exempted).

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

    This aayah clearly states that it is obligatory to cover all of a woman’s beauty and adornments and not to display any part of that before non-mahram men (“strangers”) except for whatever appears unintentionally, in which case there will be no sin on them if they hasten to cover it up.

    https://islamqa.info/en/6991
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    Am I right in saying that you don't have to wear one as a muslim it is just an interpretation of Islam
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I live at home and for a couple of years now I've been feeling very uncomfortable with wearing a hijab. I just don't feel I identify with it and it's point any more. But I don't know how to break it to my family and friends who would feel shocked, angry, ashamed or sad (especially my mum) if I took it off. I tried telling my best friend about "a cousin" who wanted to take it off and she basically replied with disgust and suspicion about motives and stuff and I didn't feel I could be honest with her about my views after that.Does anyone have any experience of this or any advise? Thanks.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The conditions of hijaab:
    Firstly:
    (It should cover all the body apart from whatever has been exempted).
    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
    “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

    This aayah clearly states that it is obligatory to cover all of a woman’s beauty and adornments and not to display any part of that before non-mahram men (“strangers”) except for whatever appears unintentionally, in which case there will be no sin on them if they hasten to cover it up.

    https://islamqa.info/en/6991
    True, but this is interpreted differently by all Muslims. I know Muslim girls who don't wear any dressings and wear normal clothing, but are just a bit more formal/appropriate with their clothing e.g. don't wear short skirts or small blouses, wear trousers so they can cover legs etc.

    This is the hijab though, not the niqab.


    If it's the hijab you're talking about and not the niqab, you mean that you don't feel religious and you want to leave Islam.

    If you've accidentally meant the niqab then this is one of those times someone starts a thread even though they're not in that situation and want to see reactions.
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    Just ease out of it

    Like rush out of the house one day without it. If your parents say something, say you didn't have time to put it on

    Basically keep making excuses until they get the hint that you don't want to wear it anymore. If they try to force it back on you, say it's your choice and they have to respect that. Obviously a load of religious waffle will follow but just ignore them and don't wear it.

    If they get abusive, call support services. Parents like such need to know that they have very little control over what you can do
    • #3
    #3

    Hijabs are vital for preserving the modesty of women - why would you want to take them off? Your family only wants the best for you, and that is by following the Koran.
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    I know it's a family matter and you're in a difficult position but no one has the right the tell you what to wear and it is completely your prerogative to take it off, your family shouldn't be getting upset over something so minor imo
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Good bloke)
    First of all, prepare for this thread to be bombarded by Moslems, some of whom will hide under anonymous (like the one above), who will attempt to convince you that Islam is right, that you must behave as they see a good Moslem behave, that you should respect what your parents say blah blah blah. Ignore them all and report their posts as spam so they can be removed.

    If you are 18 or over then there is no question that you have the right to determine how you will dress and how (and if) you will follow your religion. I do understand the problems that overbearing, particularly Moslem, parents can be for a young person, though. You will need to be insistent, persistent, and prepared for big rows. Obviously, be very careful if your parents are very controlling and might get violent, and consider working towards leaving home before abandoning the hijab. They need to treat you as an adult who is integrated into western society, not as a chattel somewhere else.

    If you are younger than 18 then I suggest you ring Childline and get some advice there, as you may be the subject of child abuse.
    This is terrible advice op please dont listen to this guy who is acting if you're leaving islam or something.

    Ask yourself first, why dont you feel like you dont identify with the hijab, do you get stares, dont you like the look of it?

    Its a mark of your religion be proud of it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The conditions of hijaab:

    Firstly:

    (It should cover all the body apart from whatever has been exempted).

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

    https://islamqa.info/en/6991
    There you go. By adding this 'i.e' that is probably the last thing that could be implied by the quote, scholars have twisted views and forced non-existent rules on people, especially women, for centuries.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is terrible advice op please dont listen to this guy who is acting if you're leaving islam or something.
    On the contrary, I'm acting as if it is the OP's own decision as to how to follow Islam, not yours or her parents. If she wishes to be a Moslem that doesn't wear a head-covering then that is her prerogative. Many others don't either.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The conditions of hijaab:

    Firstly:

    (It should cover all the body apart from whatever has been exempted).

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

    This aayah clearly states that it is obligatory to cover all of a woman’s beauty and adornments and not to display any part of that before non-mahram men (“strangers”) except for whatever appears unintentionally, in which case there will be no sin on them if they hasten to cover it up.

    https://islamqa.info/en/6991
    Dear anonymous, you have provided an altered translation (into brackets) that only suits the agenda of the article's writer.


    Among the translations given by this site: http://islamawakened.com/quran/24/31/ , only 8 on 29 (among the "generally accepted translation'' ) refer to "head-covering" - which may imply to cover the head too; the other translations say "veils" or "shawls", etc. that must cover the breasts, not head.

    None of these translations explicitly says that women should cover their head.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Muhammed Assad:
    And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity, and not to display their charms [in public] beyond what may [decently] be apparent thereof; hence, let them draw their head-coverings over their bosoms.

    M. M. Pickthall:
    And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms

    Shakir:
    And say to the believing women that they cast down their looks and guard their private parts and do not display their ornaments except what appears thereof, and let them wear their head-coverings over their bosoms

    Yusuf Ali (Saudi Rev. 1985):
    And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty

    Yusuf Ali (Orig. 1938)
    And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty

    Dr. Laleh Bakhtiar
    And say to the females, ones who believe to lower their (f) sight and keep their (f) private parts safe and show not their (f) adornment but what is manifest of it. And let them (f) draw their head coverings over their (f) bosoms

    Wahiduddin Khan
    Say to believing women that they should lower their gaze and remain chaste and not to reveal their adornmentssave what is normally apparent thereof, and they should fold their shawls over their bosoms.

    T.B.Irving
    Tell believing women to avert their glances and guard their private parts, and not to display their charms except what [normally] appears of them. They should fold their shawls over their bosoms

    [The Monotheist Group] (2011 Edition)
    And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and keep covered their private parts, and that they should not show-off their beauty except what is apparent, and let them cast their shawls over their cleavage.

    Abdel Haleem
    And tell believing women that they should lower their glances, guard their private parts, and not display their charms beyond what [it is acceptable] to reveal; they should let their headscarves fall to cover their necklines

    Abdul Majid Daryabadi
    And say thou unto the believing women that they shall lower their sights and guard their private parts and shall not disclose their adornment except that which appeareth thereof; and they shall draw their scarves over their bosoms

    Ahmed Ali
    Tell the believing women to lower their eyes, guard their private parts, and not display their charms except what is apparent outwardly, and cover their bosoms with their veils

    Aisha Bewley
    Say to the mumin women that they should lower their eyes and guard their private parts and not display their adornments — except for what normally shows — and draw their head-coverings across their breasts.

    Ali Ünal
    And tell the believing women that they (also) should restrain their gaze (from looking at the men whom it is lawful for them to marry, and from others’ private parts), and guard their private parts, and that they should not display their charms except that which is revealed of itself; and let them draw their veils over their bosoms

    Ali Quli Qara'i
    And tell the faithful women to cast down their looks and to guard their private parts, and not to display their charms, except for what is outward, and let them draw their scarfs over their bosoms

    Hamid S. Aziz
    And say to the believing women that they cast down their looks and guard their modesty, and display not their ornaments, except those which are obvious from the outside; and let them pull their veils over their bosoms

    Muhammad Mahmoud Ghali
    And say to the female believers to cast down their be holdings, and preserve their private parts, and not display their adornment except such as is outward, and let them fix (Literally: strike) closely their veils over their bosoms

    Muhammad Sarwar
    Tell the believing woman to cast down their eyes, guard their chastity, and not to show off their beauty except what is permitted by the law. Let them cover their breasts with their veils.

    Muhammad Taqi Usmani
    And tell the believing women that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts, and must not expose their adornment, except that which appears thereof, and must wrap their bosoms with their shawls

    Shabbir Ahmed
    And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and guard their modesty. That they should not display their beauty and ornament beyond what is decently and spontaneously apparent in daily lives. Hence, let them cover their bosoms with their sash (Dupatta).

    Syed Vickar Ahamed
    And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty (and looks) and protect themselves and privacy (from illicit sex): And that they should not display their beauty and jewels except what (may usually) appear; That they should draw cover over their bodies and bosoms

    Umm Muhammad (Sahih International)
    And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests

    Farook Malik
    Likewise enjoin the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty; not to display their beauty and ornaments except what normally appears thereof; let them draw their veils over their bosoms

    Dr. Munir Munshey
    Ask the believing women to lower their gaze, guard their chastity, and not leave bare their beauty and charm, except that which becomes apparent by itself. Ask them to pull their veil-cloths down across their bosom

    Dr. Mohammad Tahir-ul-Qadri
    And direct the believing women that they (too) must keep their eyes lowered and guard their chastity, and must not show off their adornments and beautification except that (part of it) which becomes visible itself. And they must keep their veils (and head-coverings) drawn over their chests (too)

    Dr. Kamal Omar
    And advise the Believing females that they restrain their eyes and guard their private sexual parts; and (that) they do not make evident their beauty except what became apparent thereof, and that they extend their head-coverings (also) over their bosoms (and hide the prominence).

    Talal A. Itani (new translation)
    And tell the believing women to restrain their looks, and to guard their privates, and not display their beauty except what is apparent thereof, and to draw their coverings over their breasts

    Bilal Muhammad (2013 Edition)
    And say to the believing women, that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty, that they should not display their ornaments, except what seems appropriate to her, that they should draw their garments over their bosoms

    Maududi
    O Prophet, enjoin the Believing women to restrain their gaze and guard their private parts. and not to display their adornment except that which is displayed of itself, and to draw their veils over their bosoms

    [The Monotheist Group] (2013 Edition)
    And tell the believing females to lower their gaze and keep covered their private parts, and that they should not reveal their beauty except what is apparent, and let them put forth their shawls over their cleavage.
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    It is evident that there is demonisation of Islam going on the western media at the moment which is trickling down to certain members of society. This is very unfortunate in my view.

    The hijab is a cultural item of dress pertaining to a culture under persecution. I understand that it must be very challenging for anyone who belongs in any way to this culture right now.

    I don't have any direct experience of this but I do have some advice: to be faithful to what feels true deep down for you AND to be pragmatic about it if possible. For instance, if you decide that for you on your own you have no desire to wear the hijab perhaps the root of least resistance would be to wait until you no longer live with your parents stop wearing it?
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    (Original post by Des_Lumières)
    It is evident that there is demonisation of Islam going on the western media at the moment which is trickling down to certain members of society. This is very unfortunate in my view.

    The hijab is a cultural item of dress pertaining to a culture under persecution. I understand that it must be very challenging for anyone who belongs in any way to this culture right now.

    I don't have any direct experience of this but I do have some advice: to be faithful to what feels true deep down for you AND to be pragmatic about it if possible. For instance, if you decide that for you on your own you have no desire to wear the hijab perhaps the root of least resistance would be to wait until you no longer live with your parents stop wearing it?
    "Demonisation of Islam in Western media"

    "a culture under persecution"


    :rolleyes:
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by DMcGovern)
    This is the hijab though, not the niqab.


    If it's the hijab you're talking about and not the niqab, you mean that you don't feel religious and you want to leave Islam.
    This just shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what the hijab is. The niqab is part of the hijab (even men have their own hijab rules!)

    (Original post by Serine Soul)
    There you go. By adding this 'i.e' that is probably the last thing that could be implied by the quote, scholars have twisted views and forced non-existent rules on people, especially women, for centuries.
    (Original post by Josb)
    Dear anonymous, you have provided an altered translation (into brackets) that only suits the agenda of the article's writer.
    Wrong wrong wrong, not only does the Quran mention the hijab but the Ahadith explain it and cement the rule as clear as day:

    It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: May Allaah have mercy on the women of the early muhaajireen. When Allaah revealed the words “and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms)”, they tore their aprons and covered their faces with them. Narrated by al-Bukhaari in a mu’allaq report and by Abu Dawood (4102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hijabs are vital for preserving the modesty of women - why would you want to take them off? Your family only wants the best for you, and that is by following the Koran.
    I find this hilarious coming from someone under anon. If that's the belief you have then say it loud and proud.

    And she doesn't have to wear the hijab if she doesn't want to. Sometimes parents are wrong, no matter how religious they are.

    You can be modest in many other ways instead of covering your hair.OP doesn't have to cover herself based on some book written hundreds of years ago.
 
 
 
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