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Myth-Busting Mondays: How many men experience relationship abuse in their lifetime? Watch

  • View Poll Results: How many men do you think will experience relationship abuse in their lifetime?
    1 in 20
    57
    15.41%
    1 in 10
    86
    23.24%
    1 in 8
    71
    19.19%
    1 in 6
    67
    18.11%
    1 in 4
    89
    24.05%

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    Welcome to Myth-Busting Mondays, which aims to beat stereotypes and provoke discussion on perhaps often overlooked topics.

    We often hear about domestic abuse against women which, of course, is awful - however do you think people are aware of the incidence of male abuse?


    Use the poll to vote how common you think abuse against males is (of course, many cases go unreported, therefore the statistic can only be an estimate), and discuss the topic below.

    If you have been affected or are being affected by abuse, please look at Childline for anyone under 19 years old, Refuge for women, and Men's Advice Line for men.

    Please note: you can post anonymously in this thread. Please post sensitively and take into account that there may be vulnerable users present.
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    I think it's more common than people realise, especially because a lot of men are worried about seeming "unmasculine" if they admit to being abused - which they aren't. We need to create a more open atmosphere in terms of police responses (or even responses from teachers, lecturers etc) so that nobody feels afraid or as if they'll be ridiculed for coming forward.

    It's difficult to leave an abuser so whoever the victim is (whether male or female) needs lots of support and encouragement in order to boost their self confidence and help them to make the decision for themselves to leave and to report their abuser.
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    Society as a whole, has defined men as invincible and super-masculine. This is leaving and has left many negative effects within the male population; not just in the UK but across the globe, too. The concept of speaking out about emotions etc has consequently been seen as making a man - less of a man. The whole stiff upper lip idea is rubbish. Particularly when it comes to abuse, we turn a blind eye. Social experiments on YouTube actually provide an accurate representation of society. When a women is hurt or abused, everyone immediately reacts and provides a stand. When a man is abused, it's considered humorous. Abuse is abuse. Regardless to gender etc. Not talking about abuse is hard enough, without having your whole manhood and masculinity criticised over it.
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    I did twice - once physically and the other emotionally.
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    Very good posts, both of you, I agree!

    (Original post by ivybridge)
    I did twice - once physically and the other emotionally.
    Really sorry to hear this :hugs:

    Do you think abuse in relationships against males is under-reported/hushed? Do you think there is anything we can do to make it more known and more supported?
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    In my experience, social services and caring services can be much less helpful to males. It might be because we present our distress in a different way to females on average.

    You put up that image above but most guys I know who've experienced abuse might appear sullen but are just forced to keep up normal appearances for the sake of socieyy.
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    (Original post by BurstingBubbles)
    Very good posts, both of you, I agree!



    Really sorry to hear this :hugs:

    Do you think abuse in relationships against males is under-reported/hushed? Do you think there is anything we can do to make it more known and more supported?
    I think it is and I don't think we can do much other than make sure the police are aware of what the law really stipulates, and teach them to accept that gender is irrelevant, abuse is abuse.

    But then again I didn't report it.
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    Well, if we take the 1:3 female abuse stat, and then apply the 'more than 40% of domestic abuse victims are male' stat, the closest answer is 1 in 4
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Well, if we take the 1:3 female abuse stat, and then apply the 'more than 40% of domestic abuse victims are male' stat, the closest answer is 1 in 4
    You are assuming people with no gender/undefined are negligible which of course is correct.
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Well, if we take the 1:3 female abuse stat, and then apply the 'more than 40% of domestic abuse victims are male' stat, the closest answer is 1 in 4
    Of course different sources will provide different stats (I will share the source and statistic I found tomorrow), however it's interesting to see so far how spread the votes are - perhaps suggesting that we, in general, don't have a clear idea about how many men will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.
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    http://www.ncdv.org.uk/male-domestic...wareness-week/

    This thread says it all. It shows how men are quite vulnerable to domestic violence, and the link above supports it. Though only 4% report it, and others are too ashamed of it to report it, the statistics show the victim rate could be as high as 1/6 men, through their lifetime. And this is a shocking rate to be presented with, especially as it is so oblivious in the public eye. And, most unfortunately, not one I have missed.

    Domestic violence can occur from, not only a relationship partner, but a friend, family member, other relatives and room mate. I've been a victim of this through the majority of my childhood, and again in 2014 at the hands of a relationship partner. Despite this, neither of the cases were reported.

    And similarly to mental illness sufferers, female mental illness is more in the public eye than males. For example, last night I was watching a Darts tournament, where an advert came on. It entailed a charity asking for donations based on supporting people with mental health issues. However, I had noticed that the charity was only functioning in favour of female mental health, saying that "Donating £10 can allow a young lady to attend an hours session of group counselling." Even despite this, 78% of 6233 suicides in the UK were committed by males (https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/stat...-men-and-women). But, I digress.
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Well, if we take the 1:3 female abuse stat, and then apply the 'more than 40% of domestic abuse victims are male' stat, the closest answer is 1 in 4
    Damn
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    Probably around a quarter

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    As well as the myth of DV being gendered, here is a list of more myths that have become mainstream.

    http://www.mediaradar.org/docs/RADAR...0-DV-Myths.pdf

    Given that domestic violence is reciprocal in around 50% of cases and many instances of minor DV attenuate without external intervention, I think it could be a good idea to have talks in school about how to resolve conflicts in relationships healthily (as long as there is no gender politics involved).

    As for the more serious cases it is important for police to remain neutral, particularly as accusing somebody of DV can be abuse itself.
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    I've always found it unfortunate that these men get so little recognition. The public perception is that it's primarily a women's issue, but the stats we have don't actually suggest that.
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    (Original post by BurstingBubbles)
    we, in general, don't have a clear idea about how many men will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime
    Unsurprisingly it's a bit of a taboo subject among males aye, so, unless one's experienced it at first hand, worked in a mental health capacity, or is up on related publications for some other reason, one's unlikely to have much of a clue

    (Original post by Tinemither)
    the victim rate could be as high as 1/6 men
    (Original post by Imperion)
    Damn
    Should be a higher upper end estimate tbh, especially if you broaden out your definition of 'abuse' to include psychological abuse

    (Original post by metaltron)
    good idea to have talks in school about how to resolve conflicts in relationships healthily (as long as there is no gender politics involved)
    Agree, as well as politics more broadly/particular en vogue ideologies more generally e.g. this 'progressive' metrosexual BS that is confusing young men and women and, perversely enough, only fuelling misogyny/associated hyper-masculine ('LAD' type) reactive personality disorders

    As for the more serious cases it is important for police to remain neutral, particularly as accusing somebody of DV can be abuse itself
    Indeed so. Sad fact is that there is all too often a presumption of guilt/aggression on the part of males and innocence/victimhood on the part of females, virtually no matter who reports an incident :rolleyes:
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    Since the poll widget has been changed on the side, we've probably got the bulk of the votes today, so I'll reveal the statistic that I found - of course different sources will give different statistic, and most of these will probably be underestimates due to lack of reported incidents. However this thread was not about stats, but the importance of awareness and support.

    According to the charity Living Without Abuse (LWA), 1 in 6 men will experience domestic abuse in their life times, which compares to a statisitc of 1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. Again, this is probably an underestimation, but the current stats of this thread's pole suggest that there is no clear knowledge of the incidence of abuse, as the votes are fairly spread between all choices. So do you think there needs to be more awareness of abuse against men as well as women and children? How do you think we can go about this?
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    Wow. You see, if you asked around as to whether people could guess the number of men who experience abuse, I highly doubt anyone would say 1 in 6. We need to not only educate people but also provide *men*, women, different ethnic groups the ability to speak out about issues like this. There are many social groups affected by stigma. As a society, we need to try to remove it.
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    I'm a male victim of domestic abuse and I didn't even acknowledge that this was the case until 9 months after we split up and I had to do a compliance training course at work about spotting the signs that a colleague may be in trouble with domestic abuse. It was devastating, if I'm honest; both from the realisation that my entire marriage was a litany of violence and psychological torment, but also that the training that I received repeatedly portrayed the victim as female, even referring to "victim" using feminine pronouns. That kind of erasure hurts. :sad:
    • #2
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    I'm also a man who has been the victim of financial, psychological, controlling and violent abuse. I remember once when she hit me she broke her knuckle.... after the apology and how "it will never happen again" I took her to the hospital.

    Sitting in the A&E with her smiling away I saw the Domestic Violence posters all with women on using very gendered wording, images and examples. When we were shown into see the nurse she looked at my ex and rather sheepishly asked if she would prefer if they spoke in private to which she declined. After this she asked my ex if someone, for example her partner, had done this to her. Suffice to say I was gob-smacked and she was incredibly lucky the bruising didn't start until the next day.

    It was only after the relationship I realised how bad it was. I remember once having to hold her down to stop her hitting me, to which she threatened to call the police to say I had been violent towards her if I didn't let go. I remember the verbal abuse when I got home from work and the accusations of infertility at work. I also was rarely allowed to see my friends as she thought they were a bad influence on me and would encourage me to cheat on her.

    By the end I was physically and mentally exhausted. I lost 8 and a half stone and the stress caused insomnia which in turn caused multiple other issues. This December (5 years later) I found out that this cost me my dream career in the military as an officer when it came up in my medical check which is an automatic barring from service. Not only are the memories painful, I'm terrified of being stuck in a similar relationship and the shadow this has had on my dream career of which I put 5 years if effort into is devastating.
 
 
 
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