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Mum has said she'll follow me if I move out to university? watch

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    So I'm holding offers from UCL,Edinburgh, Nottingham,Sheffield and Bournemouth for English. I've got my heart set on going to either Nottingham or Sheffield because when I went to both the unis on the open days I loved both of them. The thing is, my mum told my stepdad that if I move to Nottingham or Sheffield she'll move there as well without me knowing so she can keep an eye on me. Ever since I got my offer from UCL, she's been telling me to firm UCL because it's closer to home and much higher in rankings in general. She's right about that but when I went to UCL I didn't like the campus or the feel of the uni at all. I only applied just to shut my mum up. Ever since I got offers from Nottingham and Sheffield she's been trying to tell me horror stories of teenagers moving out for uni and all that. She's called me a home wrecker because I want to move out and basically, she's been trying to guilt trip me. I'm thinking of firming one of those unis then putting Bournemouth as my insurance. I want to move out mainly because I don't have a good relationship with my mum because she is a massive control freak and I'm much happier being away from her.

    My stepdad has said to me that if I get the grades for Nottingham/Sheffield then I'm more than free to go. But my mum actually is the more dominant one in the relationship so if he tries to defend me, she brings the anger out on me. I don't know what to do if she does move out to Nottingham or Sheffield. The last thing I want is her doing that because being with her is literally like being in a straitjacket. I don't want her at my uni city at all.


    I don't really know what to do? Any advice?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I'm holding offers from UCL,Edinburgh, Nottingham,Sheffield and Bournemouth for English. I've got my heart set on going to either Nottingham or Sheffield because when I went to both the unis on the open days I loved both of them. The thing is, my mum told my stepdad that if I move to Nottingham or Sheffield she'll move there as well without me knowing so she can keep an eye on me. Ever since I got my offer from UCL, she's been telling me to firm UCL because it's closer to home and much higher in rankings in general. She's right about that but when I went to UCL I didn't like the campus or the feel of the uni at all. I only applied just to shut my mum up. Ever since I got offers from Nottingham and Sheffield she's been trying to tell me horror stories of teenagers moving out for uni and all that. She's called me a home wrecker because I want to move out and basically, she's been trying to guilt trip me. I'm thinking of firming one of those unis then putting Bournemouth as my insurance. I want to move out mainly because I don't have a good relationship with my mum because she is a massive control freak and I'm much happier being away from her.

    My stepdad has said to me that if I get the grades for Nottingham/Sheffield then I'm more than free to go. But my mum actually is the more dominant one in the relationship so if he tries to defend me, she brings the anger out on me. I don't know what to do if she does move out to Nottingham or Sheffield. The last thing I want is her doing that because being with her is literally like being in a straitjacket. I don't want her at my uni city at all.


    I don't really know what to do? Any advice?
    It's just an empty threat, I highly doubt she's stupid enough to actually move out.

    Go to where you want to go to. Nottingham is better than Sheffield so I'd advise there! But Edinburgh is also a beautiful uni! Don't worry about your mum, it's just empty threats as she's scared of losing you or feeling lonely. But at this stage you need to do what's best for you, if that's not UCL don't go. Uni is a lot of money so don't take this decision lightly. She can't babysit you for the next 50 years, she's going to have to let you go and lead your own life, so she's going to have to realise it's now, so please don't let her influence your decision you'll really regret it if you do. Think of yourself here (even though I know it's hard)


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    firm them both, one as insurance. she will soon get tired of living in Sheffield or Nottingham and go back home or you could compromise and promise to come home on the weekends (gradually wean her off you and come home less and less throughout the year - say you cant afford it or you have deadlines etc for excuses).

    basically do what makes you happy, youll have to move out eventually and she needs to accept it the earlier you manage it the easier itll be
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    (Original post by mizzsnazzter)
    It's just an empty threat, I highly doubt she's stupid enough to actually move out.

    Go to where you want to go to. Nottingham is better than Sheffield so I'd advise there! But Edinburgh is also a beautiful uni! Don't worry about your mum, it's just empty threats as she's scared of losing you or feeling lonely. But at this stage you need to do what's best for you, if that's not UCL don't go. Uni is a lot of money so don't take this decision lightly. She can't babysit you for the next 50 years, she's going to have to let you go and lead your own life, so she's going to have to realise it's now, so please don't let her influence your decision you'll really regret it if you do. Think of yourself here (even though I know it's hard)


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    I actually did say to her she couldn't look after me forever and she just tried to make me feel guilty. I loved Edinburgh but I don't want to be too far away from my family. I'm being offered a scholarship from Nottingham too but she doesn't care. Atm I'm looking at Nottingham.
    She is not a nice woman. She just wants to control me. I feel so depressed when I'm with her. I stayed at my aunt's house in France for a summer and I was so so happy. When I came back I was so depressed.

    (Original post by PinkAcid)
    firm them both, one as insurance. she will soon get tired of living in Sheffield or Nottingham and go back home or you could compromise and promise to come home on the weekends (gradually wean her off you and come home less and less throughout the year - say you cant afford it or you have deadlines etc for excuses).

    basically do what makes you happy, youll have to move out eventually and she needs to accept it the earlier you manage it the easier itll be

    She works in the NHS so apparently it'll be easy for her to find a job.

    She doesn't accept it because the whole world revolves around her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    She works in the NHS so apparently it'll be easy for her to find a job.

    She doesn't accept it because the whole world revolves around her.
    I doubt itll be that easy to transfer and she wont want to live away from her husband, even if she did move up she wouldn't be able to come to class with you or see you unless you invite her to your flat. its a completely empty threat to try and keep you living at home that's all
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    Go the uni that you feel you'll be happiest at. Ignore rankings, and choose the one which feels right to you.

    Honestly, I know this sounds harsh, but you need to be straight with her. Don't let her bully or guilt trip you, tell her that you don't want her around because she makes you feel like ****. Tell her that if she follows you, you will ignore her and cut her out of your life. Tell her that if she keeps trying to contact you after that, you'll report her to the police for stalking you. Even if you aren't confident enough to actually do these things, make the threats to try and open her eyes. Tell her that she is being manipulative, controlling and that you want to be away from her.

    Yeah, it'll hurt her feelings, but the way she's treating you she deserves it. She needs a harsh wake up call
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    (Original post by supernerdural)
    Go the uni that you feel you'll be happiest at. Ignore rankings, and choose the one which feels right to you.

    Honestly, I know this sounds harsh, but you need to be straight with her. Don't let her bully or guilt trip you, tell her that you don't want her around because she makes you feel like ****. Tell her that if she follows you, you will ignore her and cut her out of your life. Tell her that if she keeps trying to contact you after that, you'll report her to the police for stalking you. Even if you aren't confident enough to actually do these things, make the threats to try and open her eyes. Tell her that she is being manipulative, controlling and that you want to be away from her.

    Yeah, it'll hurt her feelings, but the way she's treating you she deserves it. She needs a harsh wake up call

    My stepdad actually told her that if she doesn't let me go I'll cut her out of my life. The thing I'm worried about is, she's going to try and get the rest of my family to guilt trip me too. I'm thinking off just getting a new phone with my own money and changing my number. Apparently she knows where I'll be because of her having to sign something on student finance?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My stepdad actually told her that if she doesn't let me go I'll cut her out of my life. The thing I'm worried about is, she's going to try and get the rest of my family to guilt trip me too. I'm thinking off just getting a new phone with my own money and changing my number. Apparently she knows where I'll be because of her having to sign something on student finance?
    If you're not getting means tested student finance then she will have nothing to do with it. Cut her out and go where you want. Nottingham sounds like a great choice if you've got a scholarship there. My sister is in her second year at Nottingham so let me know if you have any questions about the place xx


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    (Original post by mizzsnazzter)
    If you're not getting means tested student finance then she will have nothing to do with it. Cut her out and go where you want. Nottingham sounds like a great choice if you've got a scholarship there. My sister is in her second year at Nottingham so let me know if you have any questions about the place xx


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    Yes what's the English department like? And the nightlife and freshers week in general?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes what's the English department like? And the nightlife and freshers week in general?
    She's studying law but her housemate does English, so I can put you in touch? Nightlife is great from what I hear, loads of places to go out, and freshers week was awesome with loads of events on


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes what's the English department like? And the nightlife and freshers week in general?
    I live in Nottingham - nightlife and freshers is fab. There is loads of different clubs and bars and pubs so depending on what you enjoy you will find something you like.

    In terms of your mum: even if she is crazy enough to move to the same city you don't have to see her. Nottingham, for example, is a whole city and she will probably only see you if you allow her to so let her threaten away. She will probably only make her own life worse not yours. Don't go to UCL as it sounds like you won't be happy there at all.
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    You're 18, tell her to get a grip and let you be an adult, no offence to her but she needs to come off it lmfao
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    Sounds like it will do all of you some good if you go to one of those. One, for you to experience life on your own and two, for them to experience life without you for a bit. It will have to happen eventually and this is the best chance you will get to further your life, prove your responsibility as an individual and show you can live independently. It will happen eventually, so why not now? Especially when you can come and visit, go home for the holidays etc.
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    (Original post by mizzsnazzter)
    She's studying law but her housemate does English, so I can put you in touch? Nightlife is great from what I hear, loads of places to go out, and freshers week was awesome with loads of events on


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    Ahh that's ok thanks. What's the library and facilities like?

    (Original post by Jenx301)
    I live in Nottingham - nightlife and freshers is fab. There is loads of different clubs and bars and pubs so depending on what you enjoy you will find something you like.

    In terms of your mum: even if she is crazy enough to move to the same city you don't have to see her. Nottingham, for example, is a whole city and she will probably only see you if you allow her to so let her threaten away. She will probably only make her own life worse not yours. Don't go to UCL as it sounds like you won't be happy there at all.
    She has serious control issues.

    Nope. I couldn't stand UCL because it was in the middle of a busy street. I love how Nottingham's more green. And it's cheaper.
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    (Original post by caitlinford3)
    You're 18, tell her to get a grip and let you be an adult, no offence to her but she needs to come off it lmfao
    She really does. I'm still 17 but when I tell her I'll be an adult in July then she's like, "Oh I gave you life, you need to be more grateful blah blah blah". I went to my grandparents in India for a week in the summer and they were trying to dissuade me from doing English and to do midwifery because it's medical related.

    (Original post by Joshalos)
    Sounds like it will do all of you some good if you go to one of those. One, for you to experience life on your own and two, for them to experience life without you for a bit. It will have to happen eventually and this is the best chance you will get to further your life, prove your responsibility as an individual and show you can live independently. It will happen eventually, so why not now? Especially when you can come and visit, go home for the holidays etc.
    I'm not planning to go home for the holidays. It's a very toxic environment. I'm hoping to go to my aunt's house in France instead.
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    I feel bad for you tbh, I would hate my parents/family to try and influence my choices or not let me grow up. Just sit her down and say you're not living with your parents, and you're an adult, and I will be an adult too when I go to university, so you must let me grow up and do things that make me happy which will shape my life. Good luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She really does. I'm still 17 but when I tell her I'll be an adult in July then she's like, "Oh I gave you life, you need to be more grateful blah blah blah". I went to my grandparents in India for a week in the summer and they were trying to dissuade me from doing English and to do midwifery because it's medical related.



    I'm not planning to go home for the holidays. It's a very toxic environment. I'm hoping to go to my aunt's house in France instead.
    In that case, I wouldn't listen to her. Move it while you've got the chance.
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    I am terrified of actually moving out..
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    You could do what I did. My mum did a similar thing - I am an only child and my Mum wanted to keep me close to home and I couldn't deal with the guilt all the time so I said I would. I applied to a Uni close to home and she shut up about it for a few months.

    When I got my grades I told her that I hadn't got the grades to go where I had said so I needed to go through clearing and the only place that had spaces was places she really disliked or were on the other side of country! lol I ended up at Uni 6 hours drive from where she lived and she just had to lump it!!
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    Lol ignore her she is chatting ****.

    If she does follow you it will be out of her own pocket, don't allow her into your accommodation or housing and she can't stay there. What a psycho mum.
 
 
 
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