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Mum has said she'll follow me if I move out to university? Watch

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    (Original post by aimlou83)
    You could do what I did. My mum did a similar thing - I am an only child and my Mum wanted to keep me close to home and I couldn't deal with the guilt all the time so I said I would. I applied to a Uni close to home and she shut up about it for a few months.

    When I got my grades I told her that I hadn't got the grades to go where I had said so I needed to go through clearing and the only place that had spaces was places she really disliked or were on the other side of country! lol I ended up at Uni 6 hours drive from where she lived and she just had to lump it!!
    Nah my mum will follow me.. She doesn't want me moving out because she doesn't trust me apparently. I hate her and I can't stand her at all.

    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Lol ignore her she is chatting ****.

    If she does follow you it will be out of her own pocket, don't allow her into your accommodation or housing and she can't stay there. What a psycho mum.
    I don't know that. She probably would.

    I know in the halls at Nottingham they have 24 hour security but would they let her in if she said she was my mum? I'm thinking of just cutting contact completely at university. I've never been allowed to go out with my friends or anything as a teenager.
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    Sounds like your mum has a few issues. I think you should do what you need to do (despite the fact that she will try and back you feel bad about it.) If you feel able to, it might help the isutation at home till you leave and also after if you could reassure her by saying you'll visit. Even plan out a couple of weekends before Christmas if that helps to calm her down! Good luck with your exams
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Nah my mum will follow me.. She doesn't want me moving out because she doesn't trust me apparently. I hate her and I can't stand her at all.



    I don't know that. She probably would.

    I know in the halls at Nottingham they have 24 hour security but would they let her in if she said she was my mum? I'm thinking of just cutting contact completely at university. I've never been allowed to go out with my friends or anything as a teenager.
    She would get kicked out. And it serves her right. You don't have to put up with this nonsense.
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    She has control issues. You will be an adult soon and can start to make decisions for yourself.

    Go to the uni you feel most comfortable with firm one and use the other as backup. Look at the overall experience you will get not just the uni ankings. Can you be happy there, did they have a good course. they are both cheap with plenty of accommodation.

    As the others have said it just sounds like manipulative threats. If you cnat choose between the two then make another trip and stay overnight. You could do Sheffield on Friday stay overnight at a YH on forday and do nottingham on Saturday. getting your independence seems one big advantage of somewhere not too close and not too far.

    You cna ofc try talking to her, but it looks like she wont listen , is unwilling to let you grow and wants to make the choices for you. Live by your own choices especially if you take advice and time into making them.
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    Go to where you want to go and if that's Nottingham then so be it.

    You can't let her guilt trip you into going to UCL because at the end of the day, if you end up going somewhere where you don't want to be in the first place, you're more likely going to end up hating it.

    You shouldn't let your mum influence your decision, she has to realise that one day, you'll finally have to move out. It's most likely an empty threat, but even if she does move into Nottingham, you can easily try to avoid her, after all it is a massive place.

    At the end of the day, it's your life. Not hers.
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    Once over 18 and at uni you are an adult.
    The university isn't allowed to pass on information about you, unless they have your consent.

    Uni campuses are private property and she can be asked to leave, the police would assist if required.

    In certain mental health circumstances the uni may break the rule but that would be an exceptional case and require agreement at departmental or school level at least.

    All uni employees have to go through data protection training to ensure that the rules are upheld
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    She has control issues. You will be an adult soon and can start to make decisions for yourself.

    Go to the uni you feel most comfortable with firm one and use the other as backup. Look at the overall experience you will get not just the uni ankings. Can you be happy there, did they have a good course. they are both cheap with plenty of accommodation.

    As the others have said it just sounds like manipulative threats. If you cnat choose between the two then make another trip and stay overnight. You could do Sheffield on Friday stay overnight at a YH on forday and do nottingham on Saturday. getting your independence seems one big advantage of somewhere not too close and not too far.

    You cna ofc try talking to her, but it looks like she wont listen , is unwilling to let you grow and wants to make the choices for you. Live by your own choices especially if you take advice and time into making them.
    No I don't want to do that. Uni is my way away from her. I liked Nottingham the most and couldn't stand UCL. She won't let me go. She's got my whole family trying to guilt trip me.

    (Original post by domonict)
    Once over 18 and at uni you are an adult.
    The university isn't allowed to pass on information about you, unless they have your consent.

    Uni campuses are private property and she can be asked to leave, the police would assist if required.

    In certain mental health circumstances the uni may break the rule but that would be an exceptional case and require agreement at departmental or school level at least.

    All uni employees have to go through data protection training to ensure that the rules are upheld
    She has access to my emails on her phone so she would know where I'm going for uni..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I don't want to do that. Uni is my way away from her. I liked Nottingham the most and couldn't stand UCL. She won't let me go. She's got my whole family trying to guilt trip me.



    She has access to my emails on her phone so she would know where I'm going for uni..
    Redirect your uni emails to another account maybe?

    Tbh, she sounds very controlling. You have to do what's right for you. Just because she have birth to you is not a good enough excuse for her to try and move cities to watch over you at uni.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I don't want to do that. Uni is my way away from her. I liked Nottingham the most and couldn't stand UCL. She won't let me go. She's got my whole family trying to guilt trip me.

    .
    Just go to Nottingham then, she cnat stop you and she will just have to deal with it. If you cna get a job and save up some money beforehand. Money will make you less dependant.

    Open up a private email account.
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    move to one and tell her you went to the other one instead
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    (Original post by shawtyb)
    move to one and tell her you went to the other one instead
    haha the pure bants
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    haha the pure bants
    thats what id do.
    id even go as far as to wind her up once im there and just make her sweat a bit knowing she cant do jack shitiit about it hahaha
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    (Original post by shawtyb)
    move to one and tell her you went to the other one instead
    I can't
    (Original post by Airmed)
    Redirect your uni emails to another account maybe?

    Tbh, she sounds very controlling. You have to do what's right for you. Just because she have birth to you is not a good enough excuse for her to try and move cities to watch over you at uni.
    The thing is whenever I make a new email account she somehow always manages to find out.

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Just go to Nottingham then, she cnat stop you and she will just have to deal with it. If you cna get a job and save up some money beforehand. Money will make you less dependant.

    Open up a private email account.
    I don't know if she would let me get a summer job. She got promoted recently and she was telling my dad how her higher salary would mean that I would get a lower student loan and would have to rely on her more. It's got so bad and I'm so desperate to get out I've considered escorting just to try and get away.

    I can't. She'd find out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't


    The thing is whenever I make a new email account she somehow always manages to find out.



    I don't know if she would let me get a summer job. She got promoted recently and she was telling my dad how her higher salary would mean that I would get a lower student loan and would have to rely on her more. It's got so bad and I'm so desperate to get out I've considered escorting just to try and get away.

    I can't. She'd find out.

    Unless you are leaving your passwords and email accounts lying around, there is 0 reason she would need to find out.

    Secondly stop letting your mum not let you live your life. You are going to have one heck of a miserable life if you don't t put up, shut up and stop taking her ****. She will ruin what university education entitlement you have. She will prevent you from getting work experience which can be crucial when aiming for a career and she will piggy back on every single move in life you make.

    Stop letting her. I understand it will be hard, but you have to stop it.

    You absolutely can make a private email, stop making excuses.
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    Dont you have a teacher who you can confide in? if not contact childline and they cna talk you though helping you make your own decisions.
    https://www.childline.org.uk/talk/Pages/Talk.aspx


    I really dont think shed have an idea if you opened up a private e-mail account and just accessed it using a school computer or an internet cafe.
    If you must leave then youd better make sure you get the finances sorted out. You should also know how to deal with family pressure and other triccks she might try.
 
 
 
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