My girlfriend is 22 and I'm 24 and
she is the most wonderful, sweet human being and has been there for me consistently, there isn't anything she wouldn't do for me and this is reciprocated by me. I care for her so much, she suffers from anxiety and if I'm not holding her and calming her down while she cries and feels like she's hyperventilating during the middle of the night after she has woken up experiencing a huge panic attack then I am at the other end of the phone at 3 in the morning calming her down for an hour, sometimes 2. I do this because she means so much to me. The difficulty is I am a very sexual person (note; I do not mean this in the sense of sleeping around. I mean feeling passionately about sex) and sex and kissing is a very important aspect of life for me. I don't get enjoyment out of sex unless it's with somebody I am physically emphatuated with and feel lustful towards. I don't feel this towards my girlfriend, sadly. I don't even really enjoy kissing her. These are such horrible things to confess. The most awkward part is that because I love her so much and love her for the person that she is means I'm finding it near impossible to walk away and break up with her, I know she is someone that would be there for life and always fight my corner. Personally I think to say I'm a slightly above average looking guy but not particularly extraordinarily good looking would be a fair summarisation of myself, and this being the case I find above average looking girls having an attraction towards me. This is where things get really difficult because when somebody attractive shows interest in me I feel a strong temptation to entertain this interest, I have found myself becoming really physically attracted to other girls, and although I haven't done anything with anybody else I still feel tempted. I don't want to feel these feelings, I wish I could find my girlfriend physically attractive. Such a s**t situation and I really don't know what to do. I'm terrified of hurting her also, so that's stopping me from leaving her too. If it was possible to just pause the relationship until we're 40 and just pick up from where we left off I would. Thanks for listening to me ramble on. Needed to get that off my chest, hope you don't judge me.
Not physically attracted to my girlfriend. Watch
- Thread Starter
Last edited by mrordinary; 28-02-2016 at 15:51.
- 28-02-2016 15:29
- 28-02-2016 15:44
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I believe you have to let go the thing about waiting till 40 to get together again bcz in this way you will be selfish of your own desires and leave her alone for so many years. In addition, you never know where life goes, you will be never sure if she will wait for you till 40.
- 29-02-2016 06:03
If you dont find her attractive now, you wont find her attractive at 40.. She needs someone who finds her attractive.
- 02-03-2016 00:59
Why aren't you attracted to her? Were you attracted to her at the start of the relationship?
I feel this way with my partner too sometimes but it's because you need to find a balance between your relationship as friends and your relationship as partners. If you love her this much you probably do feel attracted to her still but you don't realise it because you brush it off when she's having an anxiety attack etc since you know it's not an appropriate time to be having sexual thoughts. You just need to remember how you felt at the start of the relationship and maybe even speak to her about how your sex life has been. I can act very maternal towards my partner sometimes and even I forget that he still wants a sexual relationship so I try to balance it now by not babying him too much and by reminding him that I'm his girlfriend not just someone who loves him and takes care of him. When you look after someone emotionally, as you and your girlfriend have been doing, you lose time for sex and it's true that women in particular will be less interested in sex when they're upset and would rather act maternally towards their partner. Just be aware of this and that it's not your fault. You sound like you really love each other and it's not right to be looking at other girls, but if you are, then you need to make yourself understand what makes them more attractive to you than your girlfriend.
- 02-03-2016 15:16
Why aren't you attracted? Its it because of clingyness and co-dependency? If so then that's not so unusual and you could change it - be honest with her about how you feel (not too honest though about other girls etc). You shouldn't feel that strongly and not at least try to open up and change things....Ask her to be more independent etc.. I think people need space, and even some tension in a relationship to feel a sexual spark...
A long time ago when my relationship was in a rough patch, my bf was honest with me and told me I was getting dependent on him, and that it was not attractive to him and I needed to change. I felt really bad and denied it, and we argued for a while until I realised he was right and I hadn't been aware I was acting like that until he said. It changed everything and things are amazing now......
If not, then ignore this!