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My boyfriend just stopped speaking to me just like that Watch

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    I've been with my boyfriend nearly two years now and I love the bones of him, but he's suddenly acting so strange. This weekend I found out that my Grandad is being referred for palliative care (which is end of life care - doctors said theres nothing else they can do). Im absolutely distraught and my head is quite literally all over the place.

    I tried reaching out to my boyfriend for support but he seemed too busy doing other things so I stupidly said "I think you're too busy to support me so i'll do it on my own" which was not what I wanted at all but was what I said when I was massively panicking and overthinking. I've apologised to him, ive told him I could really do with his support and he's done nothing but ignore my messages. (Hes been online on whatsapp so I know he was ignoring them).

    I'm really trying to focus on my grandad during this difficult time and I don't know how long we have left with him. However, this is also looming over my head. I just want to know why so I can gain closure and move on from this, so I can focud on my family. It seems like he's being a bit selfish.

    I tried again this morning to get a reason out of him and told him I would leave him alone after he just gave me a reason but still nothing yet. I'm feeling so confused and overwhelmed.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been with my boyfriend nearly two years now and I love the bones of him, but he's suddenly acting so strange. This weekend I found out that my Grandad is being referred for palliative care (which is end of life care - doctors said theres nothing else they can do). Im absolutely distraught and my head is quite literally all over the place.

    I tried reaching out to my boyfriend for support but he seemed too busy doing other things so I stupidly said "I think you're too busy to support me so i'll do it on my own" which was not what I wanted at all but was what I said when I was massively panicking and overthinking. I've apologised to him, ive told him I could really do with his support and he's done nothing but ignore my messages. (Hes been online on whatsapp so I know he was ignoring them).

    I'm really trying to focus on my grandad during this difficult time and I don't know how long we have left with him. However, this is also looming over my head. I just want to know why so I can gain closure and move on from this, so I can focud on my family. It seems like he's being a bit selfish.

    I tried again this morning to get a reason out of him and told him I would leave him alone after he just gave me a reason but still nothing yet. I'm feeling so confused and overwhelmed.
    Sounds like a jackass

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    He is being incredibly selfish.

    I think you should just focus on family right now, it's the best thing you can do. You don't need the stress of a selfish ******** right now.
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    What is his background dealing with dying relatives? What's his cultural background and age?
    Helping your partner through bereavement is a huge responsibility, so maybe he's so scared of messing up and hurting you in some way that he has just clammed up.
    People mature in different areas at different paces and it seems he hasn't got any past experience in this. On top of that. everyone handles bereavement in different ways so perhaps the way he has been taught to deal with it is to internalise it. How does he respond to you when you're crying about other things?


    Or he's a ****. Whatever.
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    (Original post by Andy98)
    Sounds like a jackass

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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    He is being incredibly selfish.

    I think you should just focus on family right now, it's the best thing you can do. You don't need the stress of a selfish ******** right now.

    Thanks guys, thats all I can do tbf. Just wish he understood how selfish he is being.

    (Original post by TheThiefOfBagdad)
    What is his background dealing with dying relatives? What's his cultural background and age?
    Helping your partner through bereavement is a huge responsibility, so maybe he's so scared of messing up and hurting you in some way that he has just clammed up.
    People mature in different areas at different paces and it seems he hasn't got any past experience in this. On top of that. everyone handles bereavement in different ways so perhaps the way he has been taught to deal with it is to internalise it. How does he respond to you when you're crying about other things?


    Or he's a ****. Whatever.
    When im crying he usually just says "stop crying". His friend died last year and tbh he just shut himself off completely.
    At the same time I don't think its an excuse to ignore me when he knows how distressed it's making me. I just dont think he cares.
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    Well we don't know.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks guys, thats all I can do tbf. Just wish he understood how selfish he is being.



    When im crying he usually just says "stop crying". His friend died last year and tbh he just shut himself off completely.
    At the same time I don't think its an excuse to ignore me when he knows how distressed it's making me. I just dont think he cares.
    His friend died last year? Ouch, he's clearly not good at dealing with emotions/death. He needs a talking to if he's ever gonna be helpful.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    His friend died last year.
    There it is.
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    By the sounds of it, he doesn't handle death or emotion too well, so would rather bury his head in the sand than actually do anything.
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    Talk to him as explain how his behaviour makes you feel, but right now don't pay it too much attention; your family is the most important thing at the moment , especially your grandfather. But it seems that this is typical behaviour when you're upset - telling you to stop crying, ignoring your messages etc.

    If you tell him how you're feeling and he still acts like this, then maybe it's time to cut ties and find a decent boyfriend who actually gives a ****.
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    Just proves that you should be careful what you wish for because you might get it. If you tell him you want him to leave you to your own devices, and then he does just that, then only really you can be blamed.

    I personally think you lot are being harsh on the lad. Sounds okay to me.
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    An update:
    He messaged me back the next day and was like "I didn't cut you off".
    He's given a number of reasons

    1. he didn't check his phone (which is ******** bc of excuse 2)
    2. he was messaging his brother
    3. he was hammered
    4. he was busy
    5. he didn't read my messages so didn't realise (I sent loads, he should have realised something was up)
    6. I'm overreacting

    He's turning everything around and blaming it on me, which is typical of him. I've tried telling him how it made me feel and it's all met with "you're overreacting".
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    An update:
    He messaged me back the next day and was like "I didn't cut you off".
    He's given a number of reasons

    1. he didn't check his phone (which is ******** bc of excuse 2)
    2. he was messaging his brother
    3. he was hammered
    4. he was busy
    5. he didn't read my messages so didn't realise (I sent loads, he should have realised something was up)
    6. I'm overreacting

    He's turning everything around and blaming it on me, which is typical of him. I've tried telling him how it made me feel and it's all met with "you're overreacting".
    He doesn't sound like a particularly emotional person. He may genuinely be incapable of giving any useful support on your current problems. He may not find them relatable, and if he doesn't understand how you feel then he is likely to end up thinking you're overreacting, since the same thing wouldn't affect him (or it would differently).

    I would recommend seeking support from someone else.
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    I don't know what you are complaining about, to me that line you said to him sounds emotionally manipulative , he is well within his rights to react like this. Next time think about how you talk to people.
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    I would have been bloody furious if you sent me that line, especially if I genuinely wanted to help you out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been with my boyfriend nearly two years now and I love the bones of him, but he's suddenly acting so strange. This weekend I found out that my Grandad is being referred for palliative care (which is end of life care - doctors said theres nothing else they can do). Im absolutely distraught and my head is quite literally all over the place.

    I tried reaching out to my boyfriend for support but he seemed too busy doing other things so I stupidly said "I think you're too busy to support me so i'll do it on my own" which was not what I wanted at all but was what I said when I was massively panicking and overthinking. I've apologised to him, ive told him I could really do with his support and he's done nothing but ignore my messages. (Hes been online on whatsapp so I know he was ignoring them).

    I'm really trying to focus on my grandad during this difficult time and I don't know how long we have left with him. However, this is also looming over my head. I just want to know why so I can gain closure and move on from this, so I can focud on my family. It seems like he's being a bit selfish.

    I tried again this morning to get a reason out of him and told him I would leave him alone after he just gave me a reason but still nothing yet. I'm feeling so confused and overwhelmed.
    WTF? Is this even real? or a joke?
    People actually have relationships with people like this...
    He should be a bit more caring, maybe this is a GIANT eye opener. If you don't see this scenario as a wake up call I don't know what will. If you have to put in some sort of force to get him to acknowledge that you need his support then you need to reconsider your life choices

    And here's me struggling to find a girlfriend...
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    While I agree with the 2 people above that she shouldn't have sent that text, I don't think the way he is handling it is at all acceptable. We all lash out sometimes, it doesn't mean we should be voided of all support and now really is not the time for him to be telling his girlfriend she is "overreacting" about her grandfather coming to the end of his life because he's mad about a text. Sometimes when in a relationship you have to look at the bigger picture, context and why your partner is lashing out. You don't deal with these kinds of problems in a relationship by beating each other emotionally, that's not healthy and it's not acceptable.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    While I agree with the 2 people above that she shouldn't have sent that text, I don't think the way he is handling it is at all acceptable. We all lash out sometimes, it doesn't mean we should be voided of all support and now really is not the time for him to be telling his girlfriend she is "overreacting" about her grandfather coming to the end of his life. You don't deal with these kinds of problems in a relationship by beating each other emotionally, that's not healthy and it's not acceptable.
    The boyfriend sounds like a **** but the absolute last thing a boyfriend wants to hear from his girlfriend is 'you're making things worse' especially if he genuinely does want to help and would do so if she just asked him to. Maybe I just have a vendetta against passive aggressive bs but it can seriously get to you.
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    What kind of support do you want from him?

    In potential fairness to him i'm not an empathetic type and therefore my support in similar matters extends to 'there, there' and a cuddle. Not everybody is wired to know what to do in these situations instinctively.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    The boyfriend sounds like a **** but the absolute last thing a boyfriend wants to hear from his girlfriend is 'you're making things worse' especially if he genuinely does want to help and would do so if she just asked him to. Maybe I just have a vendetta against passive aggressive bs but it can seriously get to you.
    I can understand where you are coming from, I hate passive-aggressiveness too. But I also understand that sometimes people lash out in situations like this, it doesn't make it okay but it does make it more understandable.

    We only have OPs side of the story, but from what I'm reading he doesn't seem to care in the slightest about what is going on.
 
 
 
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