Emotional manipulation in the work place

It's a long story - cut short - a colleague in a high up management position has been emotionally blackmailing and manipulating me for a year. I'm half his age, with no position of power or authority. He has a partner but has cheated on her for a year. We started off as friends and things got more serious along the line. He knew exactly what he was doing - and he didn't tell me he was with any body at first. I cherished him so much - so I couldn't see any wrong doing. I was totally compliant. Then I realised what he's really like. Apparently when he arrived somebody said he needed to be watched round young girls...the man is a pathological liar. It has emotionally shattered me and I feel used. He makes me feel bad for 'doing a horrible thing' and telling his partner he's been having the affair - he can't see he's done anything wrong!

She also threatened me - that she knows where I work/live and that she'd come and get me. Again, she's twice my age and actually also worlds for the company but else where.

I don't feel safe at my own place of work (he's since left for another location but how do I know she won't turn up?). I want to report him for emotional manipulation - he's abused his position of authority and trust and has taken advantage of a much younger individual. Is this something worth pursuing? I think he should be investigated for it and reprimanded....its just something I'm a little scared about taking forward.

Reply 1

jessicabeth

Report him, he abused his authority and your trust

You have nothing to feel bad about!!

Reply 2

Katarvi

How exactly is he emotionally blackmailing you? You didn't really go into much detail.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Katarvi

How exactly is he emotionally blackmailing you? You didn't really go into much detail.

He's persistently telling me I've done the horrible thing. And asking 'why?' I've done it. He can't see he's wrong. He's demeaned me and made me feel worthless. Tells me I'm overreacting when I'm distressed. He had the affair whilst he had a partner, he lied to me and deceived me. Still I'm to blame!

Reply 4

Katarvi

Original post by Anonymous

What horrible thing? Sleeping with him? With emotional blackmail they usually treat you that way in order to get something from you, what is it he's getting from you? Are you still sleeping with him? If he's not getting something from you by treating you this way it sounds to me like he's trying to act like hes innocent and you did all the chasing purely to avoid taking the blame from his partner. It's easier for him to blame you and for her to hate you than for him to shoulder any responsibility for this.

Personally I think you should steer clear of them both as much as possible, give neither of them any reason to so much as glance your way. Ignore them and cut them out of your life as much as is possible given your work situation. It's all you can do. Don't sleep with work colleagues in future.

Reply 5

Darelz

It's worth persuing if you're ready for the emotional weight persuing it might bring. If you want to face extra stress to get him reprimanded, go ahead. However it might be better to not persue it so you can put an end to this issue. If you're already emotionally worn out, steer clear of him like Kat suggested. It depends on what you think you can handle, OP.

Reply 6

username2385417

I have experienced very similar.

If you feel confident then report him.

Though it may be best to look for another job.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Thanks guys. He blames me for "doing the horrible thing" - this being coming clean to his partner. He was getting affection, and sex from me. We shared something. Which was evidently a facade to him. However I'm steering clear of both of them - thankfully I don't have to see him again. I just feel so manipulated....I've headed toward the counselling route. As for my job I'll be there till June - I can handle staying as he's moved on - I do just want him reprimanded.