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Would you settle for being someone's second choice? Watch

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    A few months ago, I fell in love with this guy. He's unlike any guy I've met before and I felt so comfortable around him. And while he did say he had some feelings for me, there was also another girl he was seeing. Because of practical reasons, he chose her and decided to take a break with me.

    I'm kinda desperate because I really thought I had a chance and now I feel like I can't get over him. He even asked if I would consider something in case things with the other girl didn't work out well and I know it sounds bad, but now I'm just waiting for this to happen

    Part of me wants to move on and forget about him, but I'm still hoping things will change.
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    No. If he cared about you he'd be with you. The fact that he's with this other girl shows he cares more about her than he does about you. Plus, if he's got a second choice while he's with her, he'd have a second choice while he's with you. How would you feel knowing that even though you're in a relationship with him, he's already lining up his next girlfriend? Decent guys don't keep backup girls on the side. Cut him off ASAP.
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    No you should never settle for being second best, a side piece or a back up option/plan B. It is heartbreak 100% guaranteed.
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    Oh dear lord please don't.

    Move on from him completely and if you feel like you will have the urge then cut contact all together.

    I hope you two are very young.

    How can someone ask if you'd consider something if his first choice doesn't work out? And most importantly how are you even considering it? He's actually insulted you in the biggest way, I beg you move on from him.
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    Never let yourself be second.. There will always be a niggle at the back of your mind wondering how much he really cares and whether you'd be better off somewhere else! Plus what if he got with you, then decided to get back with this other girl when given the opportunity? Break your feelings away from him now before he hurts you more!

    Delete his number, ask him to delete yours, and ask him never to speak to you again. That way you can't call him when you're drunk or feeling low etc and make yourself feel worse.
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    No. I would never settle for being a backup if it doesn't work out.
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    No

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    Do not be anyone seconds choice because if he liked you soo much the way u do then he will be with you and stick with you. He wants to be with you if he breaks up with the other girl, that is basically second choice which isnt nice.
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    No. If he cared about you he'd be with you. The fact that he's with this other girl shows he cares more about her than he does about you. Plus, if he's got a second choice while he's with her, he'd have a second choice while he's with you. How would you feel knowing that even though you're in a relationship with him, he's already lining up his next girlfriend? Decent guys don't keep backup girls on the side. Cut him off ASAP.
    I doubt they're even in an exlusive relationship - and thereby a romantic relationship at all - by any point up until now...

    So why should the guy not be lining up his preferences? He's just choosing who he _really_ wants to commit to...

    People often don't have the time to date more than one person at a time. Yet others will get impatient if they don't start dating them within a certain time frame.
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    I doubt they're even in an exlusive relationship - and thereby a romantic relationship at all - by any point up until now...

    So why should the guy not be lining up his preferences? He's just choosing who he _really_ wants to commit to...

    People often don't have the time to date more than one person at a time. Yet others will get impatient if they don't start dating them within a certain time frame.
    The OP says that the boy is currently with another girl, and so he broke it off with the OP. And yet he's telling other girls to wait around in case his current relationship doesn't work out. He's literally telling her she's his second choice, and the fact that he's with this other girl highlights that he likes the other girl more than the OP. Why would she want to be with someone who treats her like that?
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    The OP says that the boy is currently with another girl, and so he broke it off with the OP. And yet he's telling other girls to wait around in case his current relationship doesn't work out. He's literally telling her she's his second choice, and the fact that he's with this other girl highlights that he likes the other girl more than the OP. Why would she want to be with someone who treats her like that?
    Because that's how dating works...?

    I don't think it's actually clear to what extent he "broke it off" with the OP just from the OP and how biased it is...

    He's probably saying right now there's another girl interested in me. For whatever reason I am more interested in her at present than you. But don't totally think it's over; it isn't; I barely know her and am not deeply investe din her so if it doesn't work out then I would be very happy to try you again.

    It's better than trying to juggle secretly dating two people when you can't even afford the time to date two at once.
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    Lining up back ups seems to suggest a more casual approach to this whole dating malarkey, while you claim to love the guy and seem to be very serious business.

    In short, you don't seem to be looking for the same thing so I doubt it'd be a good idea to settle for being his garlic bread side dish hoe.
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    This really is sad, you're worth more than that!

    I would advise you to cut contact with this guy and find someone else. Yes it will be painful at first, there will be lots of tears but at least you will know that you're doing what's best for you. I got involved with a guy a couple of years ago, not knowing that there was another girl who he was crazy about. Long story short I got a reality check and it was really painful. But in the end I decided that I respect myself enough to let go of him. I have moved on from him now.

    The longer you hold off getting rid of a guy who treats you like this, the more it will hurt in the long run. Take care of yourself x
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    Are you a parking space? Why is he reserving you for when he feels like going in and using you?
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    Never ever let someone put you first. If you let that happen you might as well have "Take advantage of me" written all over you. If the guy truly liked you, he would pick you.

    I've been in a similar situation and it hurts for a few days. But you feel relieved after a while that you weren't the side thing. In my situation, it took me two packets of chocolate digestives to get over him. I suggest you try the same
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    Because that's how dating works...?

    I don't think it's actually clear to what extent he "broke it off" with the OP just from the OP and how biased it is...

    He's probably saying right now there's another girl interested in me. For whatever reason I am more interested in her at present than you. But don't totally think it's over; it isn't; I barely know her and am not deeply investe din her so if it doesn't work out then I would be very happy to try you again.

    It's better than trying to juggle secretly dating two people when you can't even afford the time to date two at once.
    Lol if he liked her he would go with her don't you think? Not tell her to wait in the corner. That's horrible. I didn't know bench-warming was part of dating. And if it is I definitely can't fathom being with someone like that, or being that person who was told "to wait." Just sounds like a guy who's insecure and wants a surplus of back-up options.
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    Thank you everyone, reading your posts has actually made me feel a bit better
    I'll try to stop talking to him, it's a bit drastic but it's the only way to forget about him completely
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    no, your self worth would slap you right now for making this post if it had arms
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    No, never. I won't be anyone's second choice ever. I have too much respect for myself to be in a relationship with someone who just sees me as a the 2nd best option, rather than a human being they actually want to be with.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A few months ago, I fell in love with this guy. He's unlike any guy I've met before and I felt so comfortable around him. And while he did say he had some feelings for me, there was also another girl he was seeing. Because of practical reasons, he chose her and decided to take a break with me.

    I'm kinda desperate because I really thought I had a chance and now I feel like I can't get over him. He even asked if I would consider something in case things with the other girl didn't work out well and I know it sounds bad, but now I'm just waiting for this to happen

    Part of me wants to move on and forget about him, but I'm still hoping things will change.
    stop being stupid and move on. there are billions of men on this planet! discipline yourself; learn to meditate and you won't give a **** about him anymore.
 
 
 
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