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    This may take a little while to write so thank you in advance if you read it all! I’m a mature student at university and generally struggling. I’m sitting in a cafe at the moment as I needed to get out and walk. I am in my second year and previously studied other things, so this was a decision for a career change.

    Before coming back to University my confidence was quite high, or at least normal. Since starting I feel like I’ve been pushed back into my school days somehow. Many of the things that happened in school seem to be happening again and the atmosphere feels really quite similar. I’ve lost a lot of confidence, and I’m not sure why. I’ve made quite a lot of friends, but something has pushed my confidence back. It might simply be the stress of aiming high. Other than that, I have friends I compare myself to – and they don’t mean to do it, but they will often be condescending toward me – lightly/jokingly teasing me about things that most people would laugh about, but with me, for some reason since coming back to University, I I’m finding things like that to really knock me. An example to give you a clue as to what I mean:

    The other day I walked into my living room of my flat (I have 3 flat mates). One of them had asked friends round. I do enjoy meeting new people, so I said hi and spoke for a short while. One of them asked “When do you work whilst studying?” – I said “Part time, so yeah not full time”. Then one of them said “part time not full time, thanks for the reminder”. Usually I’d find this funny or not care at all, but it really upset me. Little things like that seem to be getting to me, and obviously things like that happen all the time – hence a slowly corroding self esteem and confidence.

    Perhaps apart from the stress (which is high whilst at university for me for wanting to achieve high) is some issues with my flat mates I live with. As I said, I love people (or I did before coming back to University). When I moved into my flat last September I tried to get to know my flat mates but they didn’t seem that interested, they just seemed very reserved, so I accepted this, but kept trying – inviting the out etc. I didn’t think too much of it. In January a new flat mate moved in and suddenly, they all took to him, went out all the time etc. It hurts because I feel it must be something to do with me, and the thoughts I described earlier and situations add to the confounding feeling of disliking myself and lacking confidence.

    Usually, these kinds of stresses I can handle, and they won’t really drag me down too much. However, the final cherry on the top involves my girlfriend. I met her about 7 months ago, and it’s been going really well. She goes on work trips for a couple of months a couple of times a year, and has been away for the last 6 weeks – and due back in 10 days. I am just so scared of my stresses, these insecurities, and difficulties rubbing off on her, or affecting ‘us’ somehow. I also look at others such as my new flat mate who suddenly everyone gets on with (and never seemed to even try with me) and think that my girlfriend would prefer him to me, or that if I had his personality, I’d be much better and fun to get on with.

    I’m not sure what advice can be told here really, but any suggestions, support, ideas or anything would be very much appreciated. Has anyone else has experiences like this? Or feelings like this? I’ve felt this way for a good 4 weeks now. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t even be in a relationship because of these problems/insecurities – yet I am in one, I do really like her so Im glad shes in my life, I’m just very scared of my problems getting in the way. I put on a strong face and mask for her and she feels secure with me, as if I’m her ‘rock’. I want to keep doing this, I don’t want her to know these things.
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    Hi,

    How old are your flat mates and how old are you?

    I'll be a mature student later this year at 25.

    PM me if you like.
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    (Original post by leavingthecity)
    Hi,

    How old are your flat mates and how old are you?

    I'll be a mature student later this year at 25.

    PM me if you like.
    I am 27, my flat mates that I am talking about are aged 23 and 24. The other girl that lives there is very reserved from everyone so despite not really seeing her much I guess I get on with her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am 27, my flat mates that I am talking about are aged 23 and 24. The other girl that lives there is very reserved from everyone so despite not really seeing her much I guess I get on with her.
    Hiya,

    I thought they were teenagers, kids from your OP! Jeeeeeez.

    I'm going to be very selective of who I spend my time with at uni, I don't want it to drag me back, maturity wise, into my childhood.

    Can you make new friends? Are you female?

    I really feel for you sweetheart!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by leavingthecity)
    Hiya,

    I thought they were teenagers, kids from your OP! Jeeeeeez.

    I'm going to be very selective of who I spend my time with at uni, I don't want it to drag me back, maturity wise, into my childhood.

    Can you make new friends? Are you female?

    I really feel for you sweetheart!
    Yes I've got friends, quite a few and I can make new ones. Im male. I'm sure you'll hav eno problem, don't let my case put you off, it's just something odd about me - I wish I could change it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes I've got friends, quite a few and I can make new ones. Im male. I'm sure you'll hav eno problem, don't let my case put you off, it's just something odd about me - I wish I could change it.
    No, it's definitely something did about them.

    Keep your confidence up by avoiding them. Is moving out an option?
 
 
 
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