Playing it Cool

or not so cool as the case may be! I was just wondering if anyone else ever does this, cause i've just ruined yet another night out for myself.

My boyfriend just sent me a text asking me to go out with him and his friends from work. He has had this planned for ages, and decided to ask me at the last minute to go since they are going out around half six. I decided to play it cool, just to see if he was asking me because he wanted me to go, rather than just asking me for the sake of it so I said "Uch no, you don't need me to have a good time, have a nice night out" thinking that maybe he would encourage me, which he didn't lol therefore i'm left a wee bit disappointed but feeling a bit of a dick since I brought it on myself.

I do this all the time, for some reason I can't help myself. I just sort of feel that i'm intuding some way and now i'm stuck doing nothing on a Friday night. I never learn from my mistakes, which is the weird thing. Seriously, why am I so awkward? Am I the only person that's ever done this, and is there anyway I can fix it without making myself look a bit stupid?

Reply 1

devils_nose

10

I do the same. Why don't you rally the girls and go out with them instead?

Reply 2

Louise88

OP

I'm a bit older than the girls i'm at college with and live nowhere near them. It's difficult staying away from all your friends, and it's even more difficult when a lot of them aren't 18 yet!

Reply 3

Sausage

10

Why dont you go out with him once to see what its like? If you go once, he might try and get you to come again - in the way you want him to.

Hes a boy - he cant be blamed for being slow at pragmatics. :p:

Reply 4

net1989

guys jst take things too literally some of the time so dont worry that he didnt react as u wanted!
but kinda let it be a leasson that if u wanna go out say yeah! dont worry we've all been there done it!
i agree with sausage when u do go out show him hw much better it is when ur there then he'll be encourraging u to come out the next time!
but dont sit in tonight and think about it!
wat is done is done! u learn from mistakes!

Reply 5

Barny

17

Louise88

I do this all the time, for some reason I can't help myself. I just sort of feel that i'm intuding some way and now i'm stuck doing nothing on a Friday night. I never learn from my mistakes, which is the weird thing. Seriously, why am I so awkward? Am I the only person that's ever done this, and is there anyway I can fix it without making myself look a bit stupid?

Doesn't sound like that to me, sounds like you're fishing for compliments and just want him to say "I really want you to come out with me".

Reply 6

Louise88

OP

Nah, far from it. I don't like getting compliments at the best of times never mind going fishing for them. I just wanted to feel like I wasn't getting in the way of his friend's night out. It's a leaving do for one of his mates, he didn't invite me therefore I was unsure about going. If that seems like i'm fishing for compliments then so be it.

We go out all the time, I just get awkward sometimes if the person who organised it didn't invite me themselves. I know nothing about the people who are going, no idea if they are taking their partners or anything like that. He never gives me details like that you see so sometimes I feel a bit put off by it, hense the whole looking for the extra bit of encouragement. I hate doing it but I would hate to go unannounced and have people pissed off, you know what I mean?

Reply 7

shona

10

Louise88

Nah, far from it. I don't like getting compliments at the best of times never mind going fishing for them. I just wanted to feel like I wasn't getting in the way of his friend's night out. It's a leaving do for one of his mates, he didn't invite me therefore I was unsure about going. If that seems like i'm fishing for compliments then so be it.

We go out all the time, I just get awkward sometimes if the person who organised it didn't invite me themselves. I know nothing about the people who are going, no idea if they are taking their partners or anything like that. He never gives me details like that you see so sometimes I feel a bit put off by it, hense the whole looking for the extra bit of encouragement. I hate doing it but I would hate to go unannounced and have people pissed off, you know what I mean?

I know exactly what you mean. I ask too. Once my boyfriend invited me out on a night out with some mates of his, and I pointed out that it sounded like a boys night out, and as such, he should ask the others first before bringing his other half along. He came back sheepishly and admitted that yes, it was meant to be a blokey thing and as such, it would be better if I didn't go... :rolleyes:

That said, most of the time it's fine and the guys don't have a problem with me going out with them. I just make a point of making sure I'm not unwelcome because I don't think my boyfriend always realises when it's inappropriate to bring women into the fold. :rolleyes:

As for having no plans tonight - I've done the same thing for tomorrow. My boyfriend invited me round to his to watch a film and I told him I couldn't be bothered, because I was feeling ill and annoyed at the time. He took me at my word, said he hoped I felt better soon, and he'd call me next week to see if I was feeling up to doing anything.

The conclusion? He's a real sweetheart and I'm a moron. Also, men take things literally and don't realise when we just need a bit of encouragement. Or maybe we should just say what we mean...? :wink:

Reply 8

Trog

Why not rephrase your reply. Ask him "are you sure you want me there? Don't wanna crowd you on a boys night out!" or something. Then he knows you do want to come but are considering his feelings.

Reply 9

Louise88

OP

I'm glad you understand what I mean. I've ended up going out many of times and being the only girl there because his friends either didn't have partners or didn't invite them, it's awkward! He doesn't really know when to invite me and when not to lol which is sweet but you have to double check with him.

He knew I was just being awkward, said it didn't matter and he wouldn't have me any other way. He decided to give me time to think about it before asking me again which is fair enough really lol but I decided to organise something for us both tomorrow instead, let him have his night out then tomorrow we can spend it together.

They do take it literally, it's not their fault we're complicated. It would be ten times easier if we all said what we meant, saves disappointment but I don't see that happening anytime soon, someone will always do it :p:

I for one, wont.

Why not rephrase your reply. Ask him "are you sure you want me there? Don't wanna crowd you on a boys night out!" or something. Then he knows you do want to come but are considering his feelings.

Oh I know, it would be ten times easier that way but I sort of said it before I a had thought about it :rolleyes:

Playing it Cool

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